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My Story - Reallygettingthere

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: My Story - Reallygettingthere 56724 Views

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 11 Apr 2013 23:12 #204941

reallygettingthere
Current streak: 72 days
OFFLINE
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Posts: 759
Karma: 27

NEWSFLASH!

I reset my 90 count. (I did not fall)

Why is that good news?

I felt that i was being dishonest. I had a few more "slips" (shogeg karov l'meizid)and although they were technically not falls, I felt that I was being dishonest by allowing myself to get to that situation.

My goal isn't to get to some arbitrary peak but rather my goal is to become sober.

Recovery is about living not simply refraining from from feeding your lust.

So I am happy and at peace. I regret having slipped but I do not feel discouraged by having to restart my 90 journey and even feel encouraged that I took this step on my own.

Honesty is all I got.

Eli

Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up!

No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie

The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards

Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 11 Apr 2013 23:37 #204943

ZemirosShabbos OFFLINE Platinum Boarder pass the compote Posts: 6153 Karma: 72	i respect that a lot kol hakavod
	Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise ~Inna beshem ZS Give, Forgive ~Cordnoy The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting. ~TZ

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 12 Apr 2013 00:51 #204954

reallygettingthere Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 759 Karma: 27	reallygettingthere wrote: So I am happy and at peace. I regret having slipped but I do not feel discouraged by having to restart my 90 journey and even feel encouraged that ~~I took this step on my own.~~ Eli That needs to be be "feel encouraged that Hashem allowed me to take this step"
	Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up! No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 12 Apr 2013 02:07 #204959

TehillimZugger OFFLINE Platinum Boarder לבד הנשמה הטהורה Posts: 2446 Karma: 34	reallygettingthere wrote: Honesty is all I got. I like that.
	?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 12 Apr 2013 02:32 #204961

reallygettingthere Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 759 Karma: 27	tehillimzugger wrote: reallygettingthere wrote: Honesty is all I got. I like that. Melost said it first melost wrote: all ive got is honesty
	Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up! No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 12 Apr 2013 19:50 #205036

Dov OFFLINE Administrator Posts: 1960 Karma: 383	Having honesty is great...keeping it today is another. Pray for me and the rest of us.
	"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 12 Apr 2013 20:03 #205038

reallygettingthere Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 759 Karma: 27	Was setting up the liechter this morning before I went to work but after my wife and kids were out of the house and the following thought came to me: Six months ago, if I would have been in the same situation, I would have be porning, not setting up the leichter. That you Hashem for letting me set up the leichter instead. Thank you for the opportunity Love Eli
	Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up! No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 12 Apr 2013 20:30 #205045

ZemirosShabbos OFFLINE Platinum Boarder pass the compote Posts: 6153 Karma: 72	Beautiful! just plain beautiful
	Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise ~Inna beshem ZS Give, Forgive ~Cordnoy The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting. ~TZ

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 12 Apr 2013 20:57 #205048

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	May your house be filled with light! Have a good shabbos!
	My Home \| My Links \| Dov Quotes \| Dr. Sorotzkin \| Handbook \| Additional Tools \| AA Audio \| Shalom Bayis \| Skep's Tips

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 12 Apr 2013 20:57 #205049

reallygettingthere Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 759 Karma: 27	Amen!
	Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up! No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 12 Apr 2013 21:13 #205054

Dov OFFLINE Administrator Posts: 1960 Karma: 383	Sweet!
	"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 12 Apr 2013 21:49 #205064

TehillimZugger OFFLINE Platinum Boarder לבד הנשמה הטהורה Posts: 2446 Karma: 34	Beautiful, may your house be filled with light. Amen, sweet!
	?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 17 Apr 2013 23:07 #205375

reallygettingthere
Current streak: 72 days
OFFLINE
Platinum Boarder
Posts: 759
Karma: 27

Intentionally viewed videos on youtube that I should not have. Didn't masturbate.

But that counts as a fall.

A bunch of contributing factors 1. working very hard last few days 2. let myself watch TV 3. which led to the minimal sleep and ... 4. didn't exercising 4. almost didn't learn.

The tv watching was the beginning of the snowballing down the hill.

I plan on talking this through with a friend who knows about my problem and struggles as well. We spoke about setting up a daily call. Hasn't started yet. But will tonight.

I hope to post less and use the nightly call to honestly discuss how my day went.

I am not giving up I am just changing my tactics

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 17 Apr 2013 23:51 #205383

Eye.nonymous OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2696 Karma: 15	reallygettingthere wrote: Intentionally viewed videos on youtube that I should not have. Do you mean p*rn? --Elyah
	Visit me at Eye.nonymous official countAnd also check out Additional Tools for recovery

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 17 Apr 2013 23:53 #205384

reallygettingthere Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 759 Karma: 27	thank you elya. actually it was porn
	Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up! No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi