Thanks.

I still need a psak on whether i need to reset my 90 count

Anybody?

reallygettingthere wrote:


There's no way to give a "psak" if you don't tell us what you did.

What is a CE partner? Maybe ask him?

--Elyah

CE is covenant eyes

Eye.nonymous wrote:


Change of plans I don't need a p'sak.

I searched a social media site for innocuous keywords hoping that some schmutz would come up. It did, So that's a fall, Even though my twisted mind was telling me that it was so bad because I didn't stare at the picture.

Yes, it was not a porn site or restricted to 18 and older and yes, I did not search for "dirty words". I was though actively looking for for something to feed my lust so that's a fall/


(please pardon the yeshivishisms)

Lust isn't a Brisker Din in the rating of a movie but rather a din in the maaseh gavrah. Did the gavrah actively pursue feeding his taavah.

In this case yes. So I will restart the count.

(I was thinking about giving myself one of those "grow up" and "don't be a baby" speeches but I don't think that's the issue. I didn't want to throw out my past month on the chart and at the same time had a taavah so my brain/emotion/YH conglomerate concocted this delusion that what I was doing wasn't so bad.)


Eli

It sounds like a slip to me, not a fall. I'm not sure you are doing yourself a favor by counting it as a fall and starting over. There is no "din" in counting. It's just a tool. Are you more motivated or less motivated by restarting your count?

Thanks for the input. Ill probably feel better if i don't reset the count.

Anyone else want to chime in? I'm open to suggestions.

Eli

More more thing about yesterday's slip:

I realized a little later on in the day yesterday that I was exhausted and running very low on sleep.

The last time I feel I also was going on very little sleep. It's not always in my conntrol as too whether i get 6-7 hours. I can though remind myself when i am sleep deprived that I need to be on guard and treat the situation as a red alert.

I used to like Red Alert, but I could never pass the high levels.

I don't think it was a fall by the book,

although don't listen to me because I have already bent the rules a few times myself.

Thanks Emu.

It's easy to bend the rules for yourself but much harder to bend them for someone else so I'll take your opinion.

Good Shabbos.

Anyone else?

I'm willing to also agree it's a slip, but only if you stop thinking about it already and start moving forward, i.e. keep on trucking - full speed ahead. Reb Nachman teaches us that we must use the gift of "shikcha" to forget our past mistakes and look towards the bright future with great simcha.

Go for it!

MT

Ok shkoiach to you all for your vote of confidence.

Day 32 :-)

Have a sweet and peaceful Shabbos

Much Love,

Eli

1. You were looking for innocuous words only hoping that something less innocuous would come up.

2. In the end, you didn't stare at whatever pictures did come up.

I would also say it's a slip. And, I would add, that being too strict with ourselves in sobriety--as well-intentioned as it is--in the end is likely to backfire. "Oh, I can't add up more than a week on the 90-day chart, so I might as well give up." That's the danger, and I've been there myself. I don't recommend it.

Not calling it a "fall," however, isn't a license to ignore it. It's definitely a sign that you're on shaky ground and you've got to step-up your recovery efforts.

--Elyah

As the official Presiding Rov of GYE (when Emu, Guard, Zemmy, Me3, and Eye.balldude are unavailable - and we are still out on an expedition looking tor our lost Rebbe Bards)...
I rule that if you stay sober today and every time that the yetzer hora of "Oy, should I re start my 90-day wall recount?!" enters your mind, you surrender it and make a call to another GYE member to help you surrender it and let it go....then you will find (after about a year) that your are clean, sober, and living a great life.

There will be no questions. Poof!

Oz has spoken!

(Hey! Put that mechitzah curtain down!)

Hashem oz l'amo yitein

Dov wrote:


Reminds me of recently when I attended a chassidish shabbos sheva brochos. Some women/girls kept moving away the mechitza curtain to peek into the men. I was the only one that kept running over to yell at them until they would close the curtain. And I sat there wondering: Was I really the only tzaddik that cared about "vehaya machnecha kadosh", or was I the only messed up guy that was so easily triggered?

MT