I TOLD MY WIFE ABOUT MY ILLNESS AND SHE DIDNT THROW MY INTO THE STREET! WOO HOO!


That would sound ridiculous had this been any other illness

"Honey, the test results came back. It's cancer"

"Get out! "

Today is day 37

In the olden days 37 would have meant zera l'vatala.

Now it means... I have no clue but i really don't care

BARUCH HASHEM 37

Have a sweet, peaceful and awesome Shabbos

Eli

37 is zayin lamed-
either zera livatala
or
Zach Lahashem!

where is Gevura when we need him? he knows what 37 is...

ZemirosShabbos wrote:


He beat you to it. He PMed me.

Day 50 Baruch Hashem.

Honesty is my corner stone in this never ending battle.

More recently I made the resolution to avoid news site that feature entertainment news (read almost soft porn) in the side bar.

Makes a big difference. The yetzer hora has other ways to test me, but I will not intentionally invite him into my life... or leave the back door open for to come in on his own

gevaldig! kol hakavod

speaking of bars....
I Remember When... When Zaidy Was Young
we had a bar/pub
and a Bards....
חדש ימינו כקדם

One Day we will all be togetherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
badababum badadabum
one day we'll be sheltered and warmmmmmmmmmm

ZemirosShabbos wrote:


http://guardyoureyes.com/forum/23-Just-Having-Fun/48068-Bardys-Pub?limit=15&start=705#202260

Day 56 Baruch Hashem

A slip or today

When I'm tired I find my resistance going down.

(Note to self get more sleep.)

(no I was not wasting time. Barcuch Hashem I had the opportunity to loose sleep over good things)

Speaking of loosing sleep, there is this thought in the back of my head that I need to make up for the hundreds thousands of hours that I've lost to my addiction.

The reality is that it is NOT TRUE.

Maybe on a theoretical level, but not in the real world.

In the real world ill people need to get better. Period.

A few months ago my doctor told me that I need to loose weight (30-40 pounds).

He said though that I should try to loose ten and not focus on the big number).

"you have no idea how good you will feel after loosing 10 pounds"

I don't need to be m'saken all the evil.

I just need to get better.



One... day... at ...time



Thank you Hashem

Love,

Eli

I fell.

I did not masturbate but I intentionally viewed images that I should not have.

Just to elaborate how the brain works, my mind yetzer hora is saying that it was not so bad because it was not porn. And an alcoholic can drink beer because the alcohol content is lower than vodka... uh.. no.)


Day Zero

Just to elaborate. I was like I was over come with this crazy urge. I don't remember that last time I had that urge...

Maybe being home alone for lunch was the trigger? That was the typical environment where I would falling the past. I've been home many times for lunch since since starting to get a handle on the problem, but never had such an urge?

Any idea?

I forgot that I'm going on three and half hours of sleep.

My resistance goes

d
o
w
n

when I'm exhausted

Quote from Gevurah

thanks chaver

(Yosef HaTzadik) was a tzaddik because he never stopped fighting even when he knew he was already falling

One more thought... a vort i once heard from a friend,

In parshas vayeira the angels warn Lot and his family not to look back at the city of Sodom being destroyed. Lot's wife did and she turned into a pillar of salt.

"Dont look behind you" ie: don't focus on your past. If you do you will not be able to move forward. Lot's wife looks and gets turned into a pillar of salt. Salt, the classic preservative, as if to say, she was stuck in her past and was not able to move forward.