First go for day 5


You're doing great! KUTGW & KOMT!!

Your right. Just one day at a time.

some_guy wrote on 16 Nov 2012 19:40:


You just brought a BIG smile to my face

Today is day 5, but I am at my father's house. His computer does not have a filter I feel so weak. I will not give up though! I will not fall today! No matter what!

Go for it - we are all dovening for you - ploni ben ploni

WOW! you're amazing!! keep on trucking!!

and like 'Think Good' said:
Think wrote on 18 Nov 2012 08:45:

I fell last night. I proved I am growing by going 5 days clean. Growing is all that I ned to keep doing.

some_guy wrote on 18 Nov 2012 17:19:


you proved that you are growing and proved that you are developing a healthy attitude

good work - now time to start again but...

what are you going to do different? Just browse GYE and the handbooks for ideas.

After each fall you need to think how the fall come about and work on changing your way of thinking and acting.

TG

Today is day 2.

Keep 'em coming!

Today is day 1, hopfully.

SG,

Y' know why you're awesome?

Because you don't give up.

As long as you don't give up, you haven't lost.

Actually, as long as you get up, you are winning.

...and that's what gives Hashem more nachas than anything else

Have a sweet and peaceful Shabbos

Eli

reallygettingthere wrote on 23 Nov 2012 18:45:


I'm sorry, but this has to be said:

It's not that simple. It's just not.

I know the Breslover-ish chizzuk of, "Hashem desires and treasures His special fighting eved! Even if you don't win, to Him you are a winner if you try! Sheva yipol tzaddik!" - thing. And it sounds so right, and so Jewish, and holy. And it is.

...but it's not so simple.

What do we say to the guy who keeps spending the family savings on pay-per-view porn sites, magazines, massage parlors, on prostitutes, etc...do we say "nu, just keep coming back, keep sharing, sheva yipol tzaddik"?

Is he hiding this from his wife? And even if he is not...is it right for him to keep wrecking his family's finances on his latest yipol? Is it fair for him - even if he IS telling his wife about his trysts with strange women - to endanger himself and his wife with diseases that may have no cure? Or to possibly get someone pregnant and father a non-jewish child who he will financially need to support till he dies?

What do we say to the wife of sex addict who is wrecking the trust in his marriage, or violating his marriage bonds, or even 'just' taking advantage of his family finances? Do we tell her encouraging things like "it's her privilege to be part of such a glorious and brave 'avodas Hashem' and sheva yipol tzaddik!"??

I think not. Lots of things we do in our habit are just plain unacceptable.

Now, I am not saying that therefore "he must stop!", for he can't stop...and anyhow, he and his rebbes and all the sforim (that's G-d, you know) have been telling him he must stop for years already. Where has it gotten him? Answer: back on his knees in the bathroom, masturbating. Nowhere.

Admonitions and 'hochayach tochiach' are not for people who can't stop - and neither is 'chizzuk'. Recovery is. And I do not mean exclusively 12 step recovery - but some real help for actually quitting is called for...not more private "self-help" games.

My point is that chizzuk is great - as long as 'working on it' it is not unfair to others. When it is, then we need to quit playing spiritual warrior, get really serious and tell it like it is:

You are not alone - you are awesome - and you are probably a very sick man (or woman) and obviously cannot fix yourself. You need real help. Please stop encouraging yourself with your romantic and glorious battle with the yetzer hora , put your porn down and get help!

I thought some_guy was all determined to go to SA meetings now.