I am going to try to update my journy every day. Right now I am on day 2. I usually fall around day 3. Hopfully I will come here instead of some other site. Any chizuk or advice is be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Welcome. I am sober for 26 days most recently so I give you a bracha that you should get there too (and you are free to go further.)

The 12-steppers here will tell you to surrender your lust. In other words, don't fight the urge. Accept that you have it, and then let it go. You can say "Hashem, please take this lust away, because I can't handle it (i am going to keep on lusting until I masturbate.)" if you practice it should work. If you have difficulty maintaining your commitment you can try posting here every day to make yourself accountable.

I use a cognitive approach. This basically says that I am not irreversibly powerless. It's just a belief that can be changed. I also have the belief that I am worthless as a Jew because I wish for sex, and I work to change that too. It works pretty well. When I feel like lusting I remind myself that I am not powerless (see sig below.) If you want to understand the concepts you can read Feeling Good by David Burns.

I feel bad today. I almost fell this morning. If I didn't come here to write this post I would be on some bad site. I'll post later today if I stay clean.

Hey buddy,

First of all, your'e not just "some guy". Your probably a Jew, for sure a person (monkeys usually can't write). That's something special. It means you have choice to control your life. No, you don't have to fall. Daven to Hashem to help you just for today, it works. Stick around and post, that also works. You da man!!!!

Chaim

Try to divert your focus to good ideas and be positive.
You will succeed.

Read through the posts and the handbooks

Stay away from danger. Avoid triggering sights and thoughts.

Hatzlacha

MT

Thank you for the advice. Unfortionally I fell that day. Today is day 1.

I fell again. Day 1 is today.

Have you made a decision that you are better off sober? Be honest about the advantages of lusting. Look up rational decision making.

I want to be sober. I know that this is a terrible sin like murder. I just cannot stop. Today is day 0.

No, you do not want to be sober. Respond to this message and write a list of pros and cons of acting out, and in a separate message the pros and cons of being sober. Then you will be able to keep your commitment. I can tell you how to fight the urge if you are motivated.

M
Pros: That "need to" feeling goes away; I can relaxe
Cons: It is a sin like no other; I become depressed; it causes physical harm; it gives energy to the other side; main vice in my life

Sober
Pros: Full and meaningful life; happy marrige/relationships; concur evil inclination; life in world to come; G-d wants me to
Cons: Hard never-ending work;

Dear whatever your real name is, chaver (some_guy). You wrote:



I guess M means masturbation, is that right? I am slow, so help me here please.

The "it's a sin like no other" thing - is that what is truly bothering you, or are you sick of being played the fool over and over? I'd like to know cuz it's important.

Can you tell me how old you are, approximately? That is important, too.

And finally, a few things about "Sober"'s pros and cons:

Being sober is not your ticket into a happy life and marriage/relationships. That is a big lie, actually. Maybe someone told you that or implied it to you to try and stop you from doing the sin. That's not not fair fighting. Yes, of course being busy masturbating yourself and searching for nudes the rest of your life might mean misery and will make relationships more difficult to come by...but not doing those things does not guarantee happiness. At all. Your happiness will grow out of how you live your life - not how you do not live your life.

In fact, some people who masturbate once in a while can probably be very happy and have pretty good relationships. And I am a sex addict, so I am not referring to me in that klal, for I cannot afford to act my lust out. But who says you are anything like a sex addict? You have a yetzer hora. That's natural.

And the truth is that orgasm feels good. But I believe that is not why people habitually do it in a progressive way that messes up their relationships. I believe going off with our precious porn stash and hiding ourselves good and secret while we go and excitedly masturbate ourselves is just an elaborate escape ritual from the relationships.

So it really is not staying sober that guarantees
- rather, it is
that guarantees hard, never-ending work. For they are what real life is made of, and until you die, it never ends. And it is worth it, or Hashem's plan is a stupid lie.

Unfortunately, that very thing is one of the beliefs that so many of us - even if we are frum, good yidden - are walking around with but do not discover it and admit it. So we stay thinking that Hashem is the enemy. Gevalt, gevalt.

OK, so now what? Does any of this make any sense? Hatzlocha!!

- Dov

some_guy wrote on 11 Oct 2012 02:44:


This is not enough for the pros. The analysis has to be something you can believe in. When I masturbate the advantages are a lot more than getting off. I like it.

For example, the advantage of porn specificially is that I can enjoy all kinds of sex without actually getting involved. I can imagine I am somebody else who has a lot of women. I can imagine I am having sex with a man without doing it. Etc. It's always new. I don't have to schmooze a woman to sleep with her. Etc.

Regarding the need, the pro is that you don't have to work to change anything. You don't need it, you choose it each time. Your job is to figure out why.




The con is not that it is a sin like no other. The con is that since you believe it is such a sin you will feel bad each time you do it (I think you are right.)

Masturbation probably does not cause physical harm. The pros and cons have to be based on fact, not ideas. Either feelings based on your beliefs, or things you can measure.

You are right, it gives energy to the other side because the more you do it the more you want to do it, but that is only a con if you decide to stop, it is not a con otherwise.

You are doing great. Try to figure out all the ramifications on both sides. After you have two good lists tr to assign a score to them, say from o to 100.

Thanks, Dov.