yedid_nefesh wrote on 29 Jul 2012 10:25:


Intrusive thoughts were a major part of my addiction. They could come during the most holiest of times. I agree -- developing the new habit of saying 'no' to them, to surrendering them over and over, will eventually lead to them stopping. It worked for me -- but it wasn't easy. It took constant, repeated surrender -- every single time. No exceptions. No vacation. Full steam ahead commitment to a new life. It's good!

The last few days have been frustrating and I dont really know where thing are going. This is what happened about 3 times in the last week more or less. I can feel all the dveikus to Hashem in the morning and - but then sometime during the late morning or afternoon a women will walk past and I'm sold to the yetzer. I either crash later that night or as I have done so far today just barely make it to mincha and learning in the afternoon where I was inspired to get a grip of myself for today. Please give me mussar chizuk suggestions ideas - I can have everything and I can say to Hashem Im in your hands, please take away the lust - but I see one women and already I'm sold. I dont know... Day one today... I just need to get out of this small vicious cycle and I can maybe just maybe go somewhere..

Help me holy friends!

Asking for help by Davening is great - but the key is to surrender at the moment of the Nisayon. As soon as the trigger catches your attention, say "Hashem, I surrender my right to look and to lust. Please take away my desire to look, for I am weak and You are strong." As Alex says, it's not easy, it takes effort to catch yourself, but it works. And after a while it will become your habit, replacing the old habit.

Hatzlacha and KOMT!!!

Gevura!

fell last nite after 6 days. It was a bad six days. The sad part is that I didnt read any emails or do any forum posting for about 5 days. On day at a time for now

Last night i fell after a week long streak. On the up side it was only one fall and not the usual 3-4 falls so i got a decent night sleep and the morning was a littlle easier. Today was weakish and there was an impulse to fall further while im down anyway but at Maariv I had siyata dishmaya and was inspired to continue on with full force. Life has been very busy with a ridiculous amount of school work so not much free time which is good and bad. Im going to try spend a few quite minutes everyday sitting by myself and thinking about the days progress and the correct steps forward. Thanks

Also spend a few inutes everyday in CONTACT with someone, somehow. Isolation isn't good for us.

All the best!
Meir

I can't forget Bards, who wrote that he used to trace his progress every 15 minutes.

15 minutes clean

another 15 minutes clean

vau progress 8)

Icecream truck, mmmmmmm

last night i had a close call i had to call 3 people say tehillim & thank god got out of it intresting hashgacha protis a wrong # txt me and i almost got screwed b"h im a little better and hopefully won't beat my self up
AWESOME!!

hello everyone! Baruch Hashem day 4 today. You don't understand its a difficult day today. I have got to learn for a really big exam coming up this week in a subject that I hate with a pasion and the situation seems hopeless. Plan A is to just act out and look at a few bad things which will ease out the stress - for an hour or two at most that is. But then reality will hit me in the face, I will feel distant from Hashem, hopeless, and of course having wasted two hours that I cannot afford. I think ill take plan B. Plan B is looking the situation in the eye, confronting it and realizing above all that I can only do the small hishtadlus that I can and Hashem will decide the rest. And just writing this out makes the situation seem so much easier and even pleasanter. And yes Yehoshua only 15 minutes at a time! I surrender to you Hashem for the next 15 minutes and then we can see about the next 15 minutes after that. Thank you everyone for all the chizuk it really hits the spot.

Fell last night after a clean week. Not much else to say except I need spend more time thinking about how the day went and what can be improved and in the long run be more serious and conscious about the struggle. I need to stop using youtube! it ruins me - I sometimes would use it for good inorder to listen to some Jewish music or see videos of gedolim and such but the I either get carried away or I use it when I want to escape but "not go all the way". So I think it will be appropriate for Elul to break the habit. Bli neder no more youtube for elul (and hopefully after but thats a long way off).

fell yesterday afternoon. I listened to a shiur shortly after and I was deeply frightened yet inspierd for Elul. It gave me a bit of a wake up call and made me realise that if I want to be healed I need to make this the most important thing in my life. I tried implementing this mindset into today and it was Baruch Hashem successful. When faced with a challenge to look I thought about how that one peek could ptentially chas veshalom ruin the rest of my day spiritually. Its been a long time since I was shomer aiynayim throughout the whole day till the afternoon but here I am . Tizkeh Lemitzvot

Day 4 today. Anyways yesterday was Shabbos afternoon and knowing by my past Shabboses I was not going to make it through the Shabbos day and the particular people I was eating at without tripping in shemiras eiynayim. So I cut the day into 4 sections and decided Ill do one at a time and - it worked Baruch Hashem. Last night and this morning I was feeling extremely frustrated about an ongoing issue that recently has been messing with my emotions which is not normal by me. Anyways some davening and a shiur in emunah helped put and BH my mind is almost 100% calm and although the problems is ongoing I will no allow it to mess with my emotions. My commitiments for Elul have been no youtube which has been going strong and this morning after listening to a lot of goyish music and radio last night I committed to no goyish music whatsoever during Elul bli neder. Even without vocals is forbidden for now. So thats all for now besides for the tonne of work that faces me this upcoming week.

I fell very late last night. At midday yesterday I was doing fine but I was stupid. I was standing and chatting with some people while women of questionable dress code kept passing. I should have left as soon as I could and there wasnt even such a strong taaiva to look. But the yetzer told me to stay just a bit longer and slowly slowly he wore me down. That is why I fell last night. I was planning for today to be a day of falling but Hashem some how forced me to see the repulsivenss and misery that another day of lust could bring and by lunch time I was back on my feet. I feel that I have made some progress in the last few weeks in that Im taking the struggle more seriously and I am more aware of the dangers. Also, what is good is that after Friday my life will be very stress free in terms of school work so thats something to look forward to. I will have to keep myself busy so I am planning on a solid exercise plan.

hello. I experienced a bad fall last night. I was at a function where there were women but I think the main problem was my attitude. As soon as the yetzer started his nonsense I immeadiately had a feeling that the challenge is impossible and that I cant make it. Tonight the yetzer is trying to make me depressed about a certain situation that I find myself in and I know it so I just got to realise its from Hashem and keep on trucking and doing my best.

Amen. The yetzer hara is just begging you to give in, but he can't sin for you. You are an inspiration.