It's all roted in my losing sight of my powerlessness and not putting up the proper gedarim.

I have just reached my 7th day clean(when i say '7th' day rather then '1 week' it makes it feel longer). I feel really good about my cleanliness now. I went through a couple of days that in the past wouldve been stressful and led me to inevitably fall, but in the present, i handled it with ease. It used to be that any "responbility" that required of me something was quite stressful. It is quite clear to me that my addiction is the most daunting and prevailing issue that lies within me. It is the route by which i am discovering my inner essence. "Yossi's journey" how fitting a title; my journey to discover myself.

I'm just wondering; I was recently thinking about the first thing that started my sexual addiction. And i remembered that it was a radio show by O&A yimach shemum. Did anybody have a similar experience? If yes; does the knowledge of where it started have any bearings on the recovery, or help you in any way?

I read the most beautiful,powerful, vort of the new year from Rabbi Jonathan Sacks and I'd like to share it with everyone: It says in the famous Shir Hamaalos Mimakim etc..."key imcha haselichos, Lman teevuray": But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be held in awe Who inspires deeper fear: One who rejects us, or One who refuses to reject us? One who rejects us makes no more demands on us. We go our seperate ways. But one who refuses to reject us, never losing faith in us, and refusing to let go- that is the one we fear, not because we fear him, but because ultimately we fear ourselves. We fear greatness. We fear the effort it demands. There are times we would rather be left alone. That is one of the sources of disbelief. It is easy to live in a universe that makes no demands on us. God's forgiveness makes demands on us, for god believes in us more then we believe in ourselves.

POWERFUL

I asked a similar question on my thread.  Didn't get too many responses.

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4337.msg120841#msg120841

Yossi, thanks for sharing that great insight from Rabbi Sacks, it's so true and it explains the posuk very well
thank you

I think it is important to know the reasons that brought us here, that's the whole theory of sicko-therapy, no?, to make you understand what effect your past had on your future and try to undo the negative effects. That article you're quoting from, I read the whole thing, he rebuffs there the claim that it's not necessary. In the end he says:
"In conclusion, to be successful in overcoming addictions to sexual acting out, it is important to understand the psychological factors that can transform a "normal" yetzer hara into an addiction.17 Even more importantly, is the role such an understanding could play in prevention. When children are raised to be emotionally healthy they are spared from dealing with yetzer haras beyond the normal range. "
I agree 100%

OM, which article are you quoting?

oh, I'm sorry I was sure it's your submission.
Here:
http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4503.msg120785#msg120785

oh, I read it, but forgot that line.  Here's a Dov quote from the Oct 4th email. (emphasis mine)




So he seems to think that focusing on the past is simply a way to internalize that we need help.  Not part of the recovery per se.

yossi thanks for sharing great stuff.I to find that when someone needs me to be there for them emotionally it makes me feel vunurable.can you help me deal with this?

Gibbor: It seems to me that Dov is saying that understanding the innate deficiencies that led to your addiction is important(your disconnection from god). However, the exact details of what led you to addictive behavior is not of essence. Is that the way you understand it?

Basically, so you realize that you need help and are motivated to get it. That's the way I read it.

Mechazek,

When people need you to "be there" for them emotionally, that's exactly what they need; you to "be there" for them emotionally.

What they don't want is one of 2 things: 1) For you to feel the self centered need to "solve" their problems instantaneously with your magical powers, and keep offering them "the solution" to their problems. Or 2) For you to be too scared that you won't have the perfect solution and therfore recede out of the reality of the situation. Thereby causing you to be completely introverted and not "there" for them quite literally. 

What they do want is for you to be completely "there", and more impotantly: for "them". Stop trying to solve,fix,or remove their problem. Start focusing on completely listening,understanding, and feeling them.

Your vulnerability comes from a self centered fear that you might not be able to be their savior. And it's exactly that fear that will lead you to exactly that result.

I know this vulnerability all too well.

Yossi

Reading my previous post I realized the way I matter of factly told you what your vulnerability is, without even thinking twice. Wow while posting about having the "solution" and not "being there" I was guilty of exactly that. Inspiring.