Yesh loimar b'derech efshar:
Maybe we were making up for our empty insides with an external fervor?
Now that we are more comfortable with what goes on inside us, we don't need an arichus in davnen to feel sincere. It does not explain learning, though. And even re: davnen it's a doichek.

Day 18 and heading in to the holy shabbos; my second full week on GYE and I'm loving it! Have a great shabbos my fellow soldiers!

Gut Shabbos, brother!

Day 22,

Whenever my clean days start reaching 20 days I get very caught up in the days aspect of it. I can't wait for it to be 23...24......25! I don't it's a bad thing becaus eit keeps me excited and focused on continuing my cleanliness. Any downside to focusing on the number?

Day 29,

I am so proud of myself!

Yossi

We are all proud of you!

Keep on trucking, and keep your eyes on the road  !!

Gevura!

awesome work!

Thank you

Yossi this is good stuff.

keep it up.

never let your guard down.

its not over till we are over. and that is hopefully in a while.

KOT-

For the second year in row I fell on erev Rosh Hashanah. It wasnt a fall like last year where i found myself masturbating in the bathroom, but it was a fall nonetheless. I asked myself right after "how could I fall?" And i quickly realized the answer; because I am to enthralled in "I". The hardest step for me is the 'powerless' step. Every time i get an extended cleanliness streak going i start feeling really haughty about myself. I walk with an extra strut in my step as if to say that I'm the one who is completely fending away my evil yetzer hara. I forget that I am powerless, and the yetzer hara lies doormant ready to attack.

I felt horrible for 2 hours. And then I calmed myself down and said its time to get back to fighting again. I told myself very sternly "do not let your past mistakes shape your future".

Today is my 4th day clean and I feel great. I needed the slap in the face to remind me that i am powerless. I will stay focused on this powerlessness, and this time my cleanliness will be for good. What better way to start off my year then with a streak of cleanlinesness?!

I love you all and need your support.

Thank you.

קקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקק

ייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייי

ייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייי

פפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפפ




אאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאא

ןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןןן



טטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטטט

רררררררררררררררררררררררררררררררררררררררררר

אאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאא

קקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקקק

ייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייייי

נננננננננננננננננננננננננננננננננננננננננננננננ

גגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגגג

LOL. Thats great. Took me a couple seconds to figure it out though.

Yossi, your honesty and your attitude on keeping at it afterwards are really great!
as the rebbe says: keep on truuuuuuucking

and one more thing,
Yossi.L. wrote on 02 Oct 2011 17:42:

why be stern? you can take a shot glass, look in the mirror, say lechaim to me (you) and very unsternly say "i will not let my past mistakes shape my future" lechaim!

For the sake of getting it all out there;

The way i fell was as follows: I read in the newspaper that there was a new app for ipad that gave the ability to watch flash videos. (For all those newbies: ipad doesnt allow flash player movies to be played....hence this program). So i thought wow that would be cool to play a flash player video on my ipad. In retrospect; the only flash player videos i really would watch would be pornographic ones. So my addiction was planting a seed of taavah within me. Hours later i went to study in starbucks and i brought my ipad with me...I downloaded the program and i decided to check out its capabilities. I automatically went to a non-pornagraphic video site but i knew that i had watched videos from there that were triggers in the past. I started to watch one of those trigger videos and i quickly shut it off and went to GYE.org. I started posting on other peoples walls instead of sharing my very current struggle. Eventually the temptation was too strong and i had to finish my trigger video, and watch two others before i could pull myself away.

Now the one positive thing I am realizing now as iw rite this is that although ive fallen 5 times in the past year, i feel like each time i fall its a smaller fall then the time before. Even though i was stooped in my addiction watching these videos i still didnt allow myself to watch pornography.

So you put up a fight, and got a partial win. I wouldn't call that a fall.

The road is bumpy, but you're truckin'!!!!

KOMT!!!!

Gevura!