Kreina DeIgrissa Eehu LeHavay Parvanka, VeDok.

It's great to have the rebbe back!

Did you hear about the midget psychic that escaped from prison? The headlines read "Small Medium at Large"

-

A boy, Moshe X. (name changed to protect the innocent) was going out while he was in the yeshiva dormitory. The girl's father thought that it was very important that the boy his daughter was dating should have a good shachris attendance. So he decided to call the pay phone in the yeshiva that the boy was staying and ask whoever picked up how the boys attendance was.

Unfortunately Moshe's Shachris attendance was very bad, but as luck would have it the person who picked up the phone was none other than Moshe. This was the conversation that ensued:

Father:            Hello, I was wondering if you know Moshe X? I have some shidduch questions to ask.
Moshe:            Moshe, sure I know him really well. I would dare say that I know him as well as I know myself.
Father:            Oh good, I really only have one question. How is his shachris attendance does he come on time?
Moshe:            Mr. Z., to tell you the truth i don't get up on time all that much - on the average day I am late to shachris. But I can
definitely tell you this - whenever I'm there he's there!


P.S. The shidduch went forward and they got married !!

;D :D
that was good

Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?


Thought 2

The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,

Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;

and at the end, the mourners wondering too.


Thought 3

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you
take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The
man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the
voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run
over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car
came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice
answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where were you when I got
married?"

Hey, that's not nice. My wife might read this one day (let's hope not...)

Green Eggs and Brisket
(With apologies to Dr. Seuss)

Sam!
Will you never see?
They are not KOSHER,
So let me be!

I will not eat green eggs and ham.
I will not eat them, Sam-I-am.
But I'll eat green eggs with a biscuit.
Or I will try them with some brisket.

I'll eat green eggs in a box.
If you serve them with some lox.
And those green eggs are worth a try
Scrambled up inside some matzoh brie!

And in a boat upon the river,
I'll eat green eggs with chopped liver!

So if you're a Jewish Dr. Seuss fan,
But troubled by green eggs and ham,
Let your friends in on the scoop:
Green eggs taste best with chicken soup!

I eat green eggs when I am bored
And wash them down with some Woodford
Eggs, I eat them fried and green
Topped with a black jelly bean!

Come here and I'll teekle you.....

I couldn't resist.
When I saw the direction this thread was taking, I felt it my sacred duty to bring over my own GYE version of Dr. Seuss's classic, imported straight from GYE's very own Coffee Room!!

I hope you enjoy! 

dov wrote on 05 Aug 2011 01:30:


No! NO! Don't do that! even thinking about it makes me geeeegle!

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his  limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. 

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to  investigate...

He asked one man, "Why are you eating  grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.  "We have to eat grass." 

"Well, then, you can come with  me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I  have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that  tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us,  also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I  also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as  well," the lawyer answered.. 

They all entered the car, which  was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine  was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer  and said, "Sir, you are too kind." 

"Thank you for taking all of us  with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.

"You'll  really love my place.

"The grass is almost a foot  high .

"The next daily execution for Prisoner will be Monday..."

Taken from an IT email regarding a program called "Prisoner"