Overheard at the sheitel macher last night:

What were you doing at the sheitel macher?

ummm....did ya' ever see my full head o' hair?

A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husband’s 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife said, “We’ve been so poor all these years, and I’ve never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world.” The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, “Well, I’d like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me.”

The fairy waved her wand and POOF!

How much people watch here tv shows in I'm not saying u should watch and who feels it need to be better Jewish internment

A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the SuperBowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium, he's closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yardline. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.
As he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"

The man says, "No."

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl and not use it?!"

The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first SuperBowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967."

"Well, that's really sad," said Joe, "but still, you couldn't find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?"

"No," the man replies,

This goes in the "sad, but true" file.

What happens if one is too down to post a funny joke?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?


If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
******
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds; when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?


And A FAVORITE:
The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK..? (then it's you!)

Great stuff, thanks! You made me lol!

Spiritual Counsel



In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.

The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.



One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.



Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips.

The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it,

she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.



As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity

to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.



"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."



She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:

"DON'T SELL THAT COW."

You may have heard this one...

A China man and a Jew were sitting at a bar.

Jew:You people are unbelievable, look what you did at Pearl Harbor!
Chinaman: That wasn't the Chinese, that was the Japanese!
Jew: Ah, Chinese Japanese, you're all the same..

Chinaman: You people are also unbelievable, you sunk the Titanic!
Jew: What? That was an iceberg!
Chinaman: Ah, Iceberg Goldberg, you're all the same..

My colleagues are asking me where I get all my jokes from...

Another way to tell you've been on GYE for a while...