-Knock Knock

-Who is it??

-Me

-ME?!??!?

AHHHH!!!!!MEEEEE!!!?????

Dov; Didn't you mean
AHHHH!!!!!nEEEEE
Mi? Ani.


knock knock jokes are weird

some stuff from the new guy...(might make you cry)

there was a village in africa famous for their chiefs beautiful throne. a neighboring tribe, jealous, decided to wage war and steal the throne. the chief decided that instead of fighting back they would just hide the throne and tell the attackers that it was burnt. the attackers, convinced that they were being lied to, searched the village from top to bottom. as they about to leave in defeat the roof of one of the grass huts collapsed and out fell the throne.
the moral of the story: men who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones


this one works best if you speak hebrew as well as english.

a man went to the beach with his extended family. his mother in law went for a swim and started drowning. the man immediately started davening mincha. "are you crazy?!" his wife yelled "why are you davening now?" "what do you mean?" he replied "shkias hachama!"

a guy hears a knock on the door and opens it to see his mother in law standing there with three huge suitcases
"so ma how long are you planning on staying?"
"as long as you want"
"you won't even come in for a cup of tea?"

a guy goes running out to the street
"you have to help me. my mother in law is trying to jump out the window!"
"oh no! we have to help her!"
"no you don't understand. the window is stuck!"

a rabbis landlord, an anti semite, called the rabbi one day to inform him that there was a dead dog in front of the building. "aren't you the super?" the rabbis asked
"clergy take care of funerals" was the reply
a few minute later the super gets a call from the rabbi informing him about the dog
"i thought i said thats the job of the clergy"
the rabbi replied "i'm just notifying next of kin"


hope these weren't too painfull

Great! hey, new guy whoever you really are - you are definitely 'in'. Please keep the laughs coming, amigo!

why did the chicken cross the park?
to get to the other slide

why did adam harishon live so long?
he didnt have any in laws

what happens when you miss your mother in law?
aim and shoot again

what did the cannibal do when he didnt like his mother in law?
added ketchup

two hobboes were sitting at the side of the road holding a sign which said "the end is near" a car pulled up the driver rolled down his window and proceeded to tell the hobboes exactly what he thought of armagedden predictors. a few minutes after the car drove on there was the sound of a splash. one hobboe turned to the other and asked "should we just change the sign to say 'the bridge is out'?"

(i was walking down the street in yerushalayim and i over-heard one kid telling another this joke)
whats the difference between an old person and a robber?
an old person is Bah Bayamim a robber is Bah Baleilot

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese

waddya call the Tallis train?

der Tali-ban

HO HO HO

I can hear the groans

Why are the towels next to the sinks in the Mir?

Just in case you touch them, you can wash your hands.

Loshon Acher-
Why is there a roll of paper towels next to the towels at the Mir?

So that you can wash your hands on the towels and dry them with the paper towels.


-INSIDE JOKES-
(Yeah, I'm just popping bye.)
Meir

Meir where were you? I never got to meet you!

How about meeting next to the towels in bais yeshaya [wolmark] when they're actually dry [friday morning about eight]...


[seriously. i'd appreciate if you contacted me]

E-Tek wrote:


EEWWWW!!!! sounds just like one of the Shteebles I Daven in... (No Shteebz I don't mean you)

A fly falls into a cup of coffee and...

The Italian - throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.

The German - carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee.

The Frenchman - takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.

The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.

The Russian - Drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.

The Israeli- sells the coffee to the Frenchman, sells the fly to the Chinese, sells the cup to the Italian, drinks a cup of tea, and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.

The Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of tea to the Palestinian.

BB, one of the best in a while

Blind Beggar wrote:

Interestingly enough, that story is actually based on a gemara (end of gittin):

תניא, היה רבי מאיר אומר: כשם שהדעות במאכל, כך דעות בנשים; יש לך אדם שזבוב נופל לתוך כוסו וזורקו ואינו שותהו, וזו היא מדת פפוס בן יהודה, שהיה נועל בפני אשתו ויוצא; ויש לך אדם שזבוב נופל לתוך כוסו וזורקו ושותהו, וזו היא מדת כל אדם, שמדברת עם אחיה וקרוביה ומניחה; ויש לך אדם שזבוב נופל לתוך תמחוי מוצצו ואוכלו, זו היא מדת אדם רע, שרואה את אשתו יוצאה וראשה פרוע, וטווה בשוק, ופרומה משני צדדיה, זו מצוה מן התורה לגרשה