jackthejew wrote on 01 Dec 2022 19:42:

Really disappointed, @JacktheJew, that you chose to look for the narrowest and most far-fetched possible explanation to defend this hurtful post from @turning.point instead of offering support to me and anyone else who would be offended by the post. It was really shocking to me that no one supported me here. I reported the post to moderators and nothing was done. I saw that @turning.point was on this thread at the same time and chose to say nothing. This contributed to my feeling ostracized here for the SSA issue I have. I’m going to stop here before I say something I’ll genuinely regret. 

TG i understand you feel hurt. I don't see every post and did not previously notice what turning point wrote. Not everyone is tuned in to the nuanced differences between terminologies. In the original post, please replace "SSA" with "openly engaging in homosexual activity". With that understanding the post is not offensive at all. I believe that many people who don't have the SSA struggle would have replaced the words subconsciously as they read the post. For someone that is actively struggling, the difference is as clear as night and day and the post is absolutely offensive.

It is totally conceivable that the original writer did not understand that SSA does NOT mean openly advocating or accepting non traditional marriage. SSA is a painful reality to many in the frum community who did not chose this attraction. They deserve all of our respect and compassion.

I am sorry for your hurt and hope that this can make the post more understandable. I did not go back to look at the full context of the conversation, so please correct me if i missed something here.

best wishes,
vehkam

Vehkam wrote on 02 Dec 2022 19:05:

Turning.point had posted earlier about the need to connect with real people in order to help recovery. I responded that that is very hard for me because of the SSA. I am even more afraid to try to talk to a Rav because I’m afraid of being judged much more harshly for the SSA than for the porn or mast. His “offensive” post was in response to my sharing how hard it would be to trust any rabbi (even those I admire and love) because of the SSA and once you say it you can’t take it back. So I didn’t really understand how him glibly and smugly talking about how easy it always was for him with girls and how he had to be “stern” with those evil SSA guys (because he is “too polite”) was a compassionate response to my post about my fear of opening up to a rabbi.

Teshuvahguy wrote on 02 Dec 2022 18:28:

My apologies. I saw the original post, cringed, got upset, and eventually went further.
1. I have been extremely busy.
2. Main reason is I'm a loose moderator and always have been. People should say what's on their mind. Why should one get insulted from the text and opinions of some anonymous, pajama-clad, basement-dweller, missin'-teeth, foul-odored, pot-bellied, winston-smokin', soap-allergic freak? Who really gives a damn? And if someone does care, then go ahead and say somethin'! Yes, some folks are shy.
3. The posts from the previous generation were more playful, humorous and fun-lovin'.

Godspeed to all

By the way, where is it written that it's halachically forbidden to engage in dvarim shel chibah in public?

cordnoy wrote on 02 Dec 2022 20:29:

Honestly, not sure what you are trying to say here and whether or not you are speaking as a moderator or member. But I’m over it so let’s move on!

By the way, I’m neither in my pajamas or a basement, don’t smoke, have all my teeth and don’t smell, so I’m sure you didn’t mean me! 

Be well. 

Teshuvahguy wrote on 02 Dec 2022 18:28:

I sincerely apologize if my post came across as minimizing or offensive. (I haven't responded until now because when you posted this it was Shabbos in Jerusalem) I was reading it, as @vehkam explained, as refering to Public displays.The sentence I've quoted above from my original post was intended in sympathy for those who took it differently. I apologize if I didn't make that clear enough Please feel free to reach out by email jackthejewgye@gmail.com.

Thank you, JacktheJew. I really appreciate your response. I don’t know what happened to me toward the end of last week, but I was having a very, very difficult couple of days emotionally. There is some family stuff going on and it just got to me. Thanks for being there for me. 

cordnoy wrote on 02 Dec 2022 20:35:

Bava Basra 58a (from Dafyomi.co.il) 

 See also the Nimukei Yosef on the Gemara here (31a of the pages of the Rif, just before the Mishnah), who writes that since the Gemara says that there is no Yetzer ha'Ra in the World to Come, in this world -- where the Yetzer ha'Ra prevails -- it is not appropriate or modest to carry out such practices in front of others, even with one's own wife.

This teaching is in fact recorded as the Halachah. The Rema (EH 21:5) writes that some say that one should not practice in front of others matters of affection with one's wife, such as checking the head for lice. The source of this Halachah is the abovementioned Nimukei Yosef. It is clear that these commentaries understood according to the simple meaning that Sarah checked Avraham's head for lice.

Shalom Chevra, 
I Can't say I have SSA, I know of some people with the struggle, I hope that everyone with SSA will be able to tackle this challenge with cunning. My problem is Sexual fantasy and lust, I can imagine that I would be offended and have been offended by those without the addiction telling me to stop. The only way I will understand SSA is if I have it, I don't as of yet and I pray that I don't get it, and please pray for me too.
I can't tell you not to have SSA. I can tell you that if I say something about SSA to a person with it, it is automatically going to be tactless and potentially hurtful. 
Lastly
Please those with SSA excuse us who do not have SSA as what we say comes from ignorance.
All the very best!

What works for me is getting up very early in the morning and saying the birkot haShachar with intent.  Thank you, my Creator, for giving me strength and protecting me.  Then, black coffee, vigorous exercise, and plenty of time outdoors helps.  That's what works for me.

Misgaber96 wrote on 06 Dec 2022 05:24:

 Misgaber96 for president!

Accepting G-d's will on G-d's terms, rather than my own, is what works for me.

The fog in the pre-dawn morning is a reminder that HaShem loves his creation and provides for it, sometimes in ways that aren't apparent or obvious.  I can't see streams of water flowing through the grass, but the water is there.

cordnoy wrote on 02 Dec 2022 20:29:

Chaval al D'avdin..