COLD SHOWERS.  Regularly-scheduled cold showers when I wake up and before I go to bed have been helping a lot.  I step in when the water is cold and it stays cold the entire time.  It is difficult.  It is supposed to be difficult!  I find that when I summon the willpower to make the effort, it helps me strengthen my willpower in general.  Also I don't take long showers because the water is cold, so that helps me stay clean for hygiene and spiritual purity.

Also, I have been reading "The Battle of the Generation" by Hillel S.  On page 197 of the PDF he says to keep an index card in your pocket and mark down a point every time that you resist the urge.  I've been doing that and it works for me.

PS: Here is the link to the book:
guardyoureyes.com/ebooks?task=callelement&format=raw&item_id=5540&element=f85c494b-2b32-4109-b8c1-083cca2b7db6&method=download

I agree, cold showers can be a great help. Thank you for sharing this information with everyone.

Hey, this is just one piece of the puzzle, and it is not the entire solution.  As someone else wisely pointed out, THE HUMAN CONNECTION that we have with our friends here on GYE is a CRUCIAL COMPONENT to staying well.

In my minyan I am blessed with the support of other people who are on GYE (although I don't know their profile names so it remains anonymous.)  Also, I have a Rabbi who guides me and knows about my struggles.

I encourage anyone and everyone reading this thread to get some help in real life, not just through GYE.  Whether this is through a rav or through a therapist, that is up to you.  I know that this is a difficult step.  I'm not saying to do all of it at once.  Do what you can.  Of course, BE CAREFUL about who you share this problem with.  It is not a problem that everyone can handle.  If you travel to a different town and daven at a shul which you don't usually attend, maybe there you can ask for help "anonymously."

If you are working the twelve steps then get a sponsor.

turning.point wrote on 11 Aug 2022 02:05:

YES SIR!

Tony Robbins speaks about this. He says he takes a dip in a 54 degree pool every morning. For one, it's healthy and for two, he trains his mind to discipline.

Gratitude to the Creator of the Universe for everything wonderful in life is very important.
Compassion towards others, especially when they are in suffering, is what I believe is expected of me.
When I do the mitzvah of tzedakah, I believe that the Almighty bestows his kindness.
When I do a mitzvah with joy, I believe that HKBH matches and multiplies that joy.
These are my spiritual goals, and they are my goals even though I fall short -- and I fall short far more often than I like.

I don't want to be a "dry drunk."  I still get angry sometimes.  It's OK to acknowledge that life has been difficult.  It's not OK to react inappropriately.

The 12 steps work for me.  Here is a link to GYE material that discusses it:
http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/TU/Guard%20Your%20Eyes%20Handbook.pdf
This is the article that brought me to GYE:
https://abrahamtwerski.org/2021/08/16/conclusion-its-the-satan-himself/

May you be blessed in your journey, fellow traveler!!!  

Lights on Shabbat.  Lighting the candles is important, of course, and this adds to that.  I've purchased many inexpensive, low-power lights at various thrift shops.  I turn them on for Shabbat.  That way when I come home from shul then I'm greeted by something pretty - and also safe, since leaving an open flame while I go to shul is dangerous.  I also fall asleep with the pretty lights on, obviously, which is nice.



Also, get rid of the word "p" in everyday parlance.  Too many things have turned into "p": if you watch cooking shows, it is "food p", a trip to the hardware store becomes "tool p", watching the news all the time has become "panic p", etc.  Another way to describe these things is "hypnotic fantasies", because that's what they are.  They are the opposite of reality, they darn near cause paralyzing epileptic seizures, and they lead me to not just inappropriate behavior but also destructive life choices -- choices that I would NEVER make if I'm sober, objective or rational.  So, I want to excise that word from my vocabulary.  It is not allowed to become commonplace or "normal."



I listen to the Chabad Tanya daily podcast.  I learned from there that when you give tzedakah, that G-d grants kindness.  When I am sad because of my sins, I give tzedakah and G-d mercifully bestows the kindness of cheer, motivation and inspiration to do my work.



You know what else helps?  Chocolate.  



Have a great day!!!

Sobriety doesn't make my problems go away.  Sobriety makes it so I have to address those problems instead of escaping to my addiction.

I'm currently reading "Harmony with Others" by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin.

If you're looking for a distraction from your urges, Rabbi Meir Soloveichik has a daily Torah study podcast.  Go to meirsoloveichik.com.



About urges: the impulse to procreate must be strong in order for it to be successful.  In this modern age, procreation is not as difficult as it once was.  I want to re-direct that extra energy towards the good: mitzvot, tzedakah, gemilut chasidim.

Here are the 12 Steps from the AA website:
www.aa.org/the-twelve-steps

Steps 3 & 11 state "G-d as we understood Him."

There is a thread here on GYE that makes a very good point: does "G-d of my own understanding" release me from Halacha?

guardyoureyes.com/forum/53-The-12-Step-Program/368615-The-Problem-With-The-G-d-of-MY-Own-Understanding

That's not what I'm saying at all.

What I think this means is that I must admit that I don't understand G-d.  I'm inspired by writings from rabbis that say things like, "if I were to understand the mitzvoth perfectly then I would have no impediments to full observance."  I think that is true.  Then, since *of course* my observance is not perfect, (far from it,) then it means that I don't understand G-d very well at all.  That's OK -- I'm not G-d!  It is * IMPOSSIBLE * for me to understand G-d perfectly, because then I would be Him, and that is impossible.  It is G-d's will that the human beings in His creation must struggle with the duality of having a soul within us connected to Him, and yet have it be concealed by the physical world.  I don't fully understand * why * He made the world this way.  I must simply acknowledge that it is what it is and do my best to do the mitzvoth -- all the mitzvoth.

I don't understand G-d's will.  But what I believe is that G-d shows us compassion and mercy and He wants us to succeed if we would just turn to Him in truth.  I believe He is present and involved every day in my life.

Have a good week!

SLEEP HYGIENE.  I act out when I'm stressed out and tired.  So, an hour before bedtime, all of my electronic devices -- computer, phone, TV -- get turned * OFF. *  I pray, meditate, relax, read Torah (from a BOOK) or a sefer, then go to bed.

I think I've been straying into some "dry drunk" territory.  As helpful as GYE is, I know that I ought to turn it off after a certain hour.  I've been up too late reading and posting on here lately.

I called an accountability partner in real life.  He will be making sure that my phone is off at bedtime and will get another ping from me early in the morning which shows that I woke up on time.

You can hold me accountable, too.  If you catch me posting late, ding my karma

Have a good night!

This helped me ( but if watching videos on YouTube is a trigger then DON'T WATCH THIS. )  Here's what the video says.  It is a one-minute-long video about the concept of "apikorsus" (heretic.)  If a person gives up on himself, saying, "the Almighty doesn't have satisfaction from what I'm doing," that's when heresy kicks in.  EVERY EFFORT COUNTS!!!

Change your place, change your luck!

Putting a mirror by my computer helps me feel less lonely.  It also helps keep me conscious of my deeds.  Have you ever heard the expression, "how can you look at yourself in the mirror?"

שלום לכולם

I am grateful for my friends here on GYE who have lent their support.  I am also grateful for all the honesty when you all have shared your struggles and your journey