Welcome, Guest

What Works For Me by OTR
(0 viewing) 
If you've made progress - thank G-d, double your merit by inspiring others as well! Post the tips and advice that worked best for you in your journey to sobriety or tell us about recommendations you heard from others that work.
  • Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: What Works For Me by OTR 2351 Views

What Works For Me by OTR 19 Feb 2016 13:31 #278419

  • otr-otr
  • Current streak: 4 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 555
  • Karma: 15
This is just going to be a running list of items that I wri al te down which help me. If you have suggestions by all means please share. 

1)  Getting a good night sleep (in bed before 12 am). This helps me not only because I sleep enough and am in general happier, but because those hours, after others are asleep are dangerous acting out temptations for me.

2) Meeting/speaking with other addicts

3) Reading one tool a day of the GYE handbook. and spending ten minutes reading the white book. 

4) Praying to be able to fulfill the steps. So far in working on Step 1, I have listed a few of the things that I do that show I am not in control, i.e. my life is unmanageable when I act out on lust. - Praying to Hashem to help me see more and list more clear indicators is helpful. 

5) Seeing God as my best friend.. I have trouble with this. But need to develop this understanding that God does and wants to help me. 

6) Cumulative goals amongst a group. 

7) reading SA

8) I am not a big mussar advocate (with regard to addiction that is) but this thought really lifted my spirits. What a person can see in a day in these times is more pritzus than their great grandparents could maybe see in 70 years. It follows then that a second of guarding your eyes in THIS generation is more than the shmiras ainayim of the people in the earlier generations. 

9) Surrender- Learning that surrender does not mean I give up the fight. It means, I am not able to win this fight, I can not fight- I MUST ASK FOR HELP!- I must reach out and ask for help when I need it by contacting someone and getting the craziness out of my head. 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.
Last Edit: 26 Feb 2016 05:34 by otr-otr.

Re: What Works For Me by OTR 16 Mar 2016 17:12 #281505

  • Strength365
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 26
  • Karma: 1
Thanks
 

Re: What Works For Me by OTR 26 May 2022 14:16 #381230

  • otr-otr
  • Current streak: 4 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 555
  • Karma: 15
OTR wrote on 19 Feb 2016 13:31:
This is just going to be a running list of items that I wri al te down which help me. If you have suggestions by all means please share. 

1)  Getting a good night sleep (in bed before 12 am). This helps me not only because I sleep enough and am in general happier, but because those hours, after others are asleep are dangerous acting out temptations for me.

2) Meeting/speaking with other addicts

3) Reading one tool a day of the GYE handbook. and spending ten minutes reading the white book. 

4) Praying to be able to fulfill the steps. So far in working on Step 1, I have listed a few of the things that I do that show I am not in control, i.e. my life is unmanageable when I act out on lust. - Praying to Hashem to help me see more and list more clear indicators is helpful. 

5) Seeing God as my best friend.. I have trouble with this. But need to develop this understanding that God does and wants to help me. 

6) Cumulative goals amongst a group. 

7) reading SA

8) I am not a big mussar advocate (with regard to addiction that is) but this thought really lifted my spirits. What a person can see in a day in these times is more pritzus than their great grandparents could maybe see in 70 years. It follows then that a second of guarding your eyes in THIS generation is more than the shmiras ainayim of the people in the earlier generations. 

9) Surrender- Learning that surrender does not mean I give up the fight. It means, I am not able to win this fight, I can not fight- I MUST ASK FOR HELP!- I must reach out and ask for help when I need it by contacting someone and getting the craziness out of my head. 

Fast forward to 2022. Some things on this list completely reversed for me over time. And some stayed teh same. As re using mussar at some point I discovered taht chizuk really worked for me. So when I say musssar was not an approach I really mean the fear of punishment focus of mussar. Chizuk n trusting God was one of the most impactful tools to help me. Also connecting with others mainly my wife has been a help. 

In some ways I came to terms with the fact that I masturbate. Sometimes more sometimes less. I am always trying to strengthen myself by making myself happier the right way so i don't feel the need to make myself happier the wrong way. I do very little 'fighting'. the second I am challenged in a fight and have to resort to fear of punishment or negative guilt association I quickly fold. I honestly think I need some anti anxiety medication to help me. If I am not dealing well with depression and stress, and medicine can help me get out of that rut it is one less thing pushing me to act out. I have been doing online SA meetings somewhat regularly. I try to get on once a week. A lot more to write but I have to go now. 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: What Works For Me by OTR 20 Jul 2022 20:48 #383618

very nice post !
the paragraph 8) is a vort what some gedoilim said in our generation  an its also in the satmer rabbi zl seifer 
thanks 

Re: What Works For Me by OTR 22 Mar 2023 23:18 #393743

  • 1084
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 35
  • Karma: 0
moishe347 wrote on 20 Jul 2022 20:48:
very nice post !
the paragraph 8) is a vort what some gedoilim said in our generation  an its also in the satmer rabbi zl seifer 
thanks 

אהוביי אחיי, תאמינו לי, והוא מלא בכל הספרים אשר מה שהיו צריכים הצדיקים הראשונים להשיג בכמה ימים וחדשים, אפשר כעת לתקן בשעה אחת. [בית אהרן פסח]

כי מעשה קטן מאד בדור הזה שקול ככמה מצות גדולות שבדורות אחרים, [האריז”ל[b]][/b].

כיום בדורותינו הֹכּה אֵַפִלים, אף עם כל מיעוט גדולתנו, בן ישיבה כיום המתייגע היטב על תורתם של הגדולים אשר מדורות שלפנים ולפני פנים, ועם כל יגיעתו ועדיין אינו עומד על דבריו של אותו הגדול, אבל סוף כל סוף יתכן והנהו יותר גדול מן אותו הגדול עצמו. באמת כי אין ספק בזה, אלא שאי אפשר לדבר על זה כל כך; מן הדברים האלה עלולים עוד להתהוות בעלי גאוה. אולם הלא ודאי כן הוא הדבר. בחושך נורא כזה אשר לא יודעים אנחנו מה שאנחה אחת בדורנו אנו יכולה לפעול למעלה ראש. כיום הנה בני ישיבה ודאי יתכן כי הם גדולים יותר מאלה הגדולים אשר מדור שלפנים. [דעת תורה, פרשת שלח עמ‘ קמז‘]

  • Page:
  • 1
Time to create page: 0.39 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes