My friends, i want to tell you about my journey.
I have dabbled into becoming shomer habris a few times. I must say that i don't find it difficult not to act out, & I can go for weeks like that. But i often get bored & distracted...and i once had a big meltdown, after which i didn't tackle the issue for some time.

As I said, i can go without acting out fairly easily, but i will think a lot about serious filth (fetish), more than in periods when i act out. I like to think that I could live out some of these fetishes if i were married, that might be covered by halacha... But it s still bad to have these fantasies.

I have now started again 4 weeks ago. I started reading Tikkun haklali daily, and i feel that this spiritual framework was perhaps what was lacking in my previous attempts. It is particularly encouraging when i read it out loud. It gives a lot peace. Still lots of fantasizing.

This has proven already quite succesful in the sense that i have met a new girl...after a long time and quite unexpected...I thank Hashem for bringing me in touch with this special person. She has invited me to go in a date, but i have declined. This has been disappointing to her, & i have not given a good explanation to her. I have mixed feelings:
1-- i would like to meet & build a bond that would ideally lead to marriage
2--i feel unusually inadequate, nervous, embarassed, & think i shouldn't be in touch.?
3-- in other moments, i feel very confident & in control. And tell myself that Hashem will guide me in finding the right pace. I should approach it slowly (unfortunately she is impatient).

Any suggestions for short power tefilah to help me distract my mind?
Or any ideas to deal with fantasy?

Thank you

Welcome,

find someone who knows you, and discuss with him.

b'hatzlachah

Hi Improve,
Thank you for posting. How I empathise with you because I remember being there. Being in a place where if didn't really know my own feelings, didn't know what it wanted.
You've said quite a lot of stuff in your post, I dont feel able to offer advice and so can't add any more than what Cordnoy said.
I'd love to say that shmiras habris is a pancea for all problems - that you would have the confidence and the clarity to make decisions if you have sobriety under your belt. Maybe you would? I do feel that when I was steeped in mastarbation I had no confidence in my own mind. I wonder what others would say.