{I am reprinting this from another post I made today. I would appreciate your thoughts}

An emotional draw like lust needs an emotional counter force to be immediately effective. Please bear with me. The following is tough to do but eternally worthwhile. Picture a pool of excrement- in liquid- smell the stench- picture yourself sitting in it.
Do this for at least 30 seconds.

Good, Now every time the "tingle" comes your way -remember that acting out is actually worse than sitting in that.

After only a moment of success(by pausing and not acting out) picture that the creator, sustainor and supervisor of the entire cosmos is proud of you!!!


Hashem knows your struggle and knows full well how to reward you.

Hatzlocho Rabo

Congratulations lot. I was cheering on track.

Thank you Vold and Wants for your attention to this post. I believe that all incentives to improve are important. This picture in our mind is really an authentic understanding of what lust really is.
Somehow our Y"H makes us believe that there is something thrilling about acting out.A rendezvous with ourselves. What a bluff!
Seeing what it really is is - helpful.
Of course meaningful intimacy(relations with our wives)is in fact a huge mitzva that is so important for shalom bayis.

Thanks again

Yirai

I'm sure for some people this idea is helpful.
For me, I don't need any imaginary pictures. My life WAS excrement and it is excrement when I act out. Nothing I wanna go back to.
Love,
Peach

Thanks for the post

With 69 days in your pocket you now smell like a rose.

KUTGW

Using fantasy to combat a thing our bodies and experience has taught us repeatedly is an actual true pleasure....hmmm. I suspect this will help for a little while, but only till your body/heart catches on that it's all a big trick. I am seriously curious to hear back in six months and a year if this gimmick is still working for you, chaver. If it is, I am a believer!

In the mean time, I personally find thinking of excrement and/or doing disgusting things with one's body to be a common pathway right back into sexually deviant thoughts and behaviors. Sorry. In addition, I personally find mind-play just a step away from fantasy, in general. So I don't trust it for myself at all. I have found that for me, reality and accepting it simply and humbly, has enough power. In fact, I think the simple unadulterated truth is the most powerful thing there is. I have found honesty and openness, therapy, working the 12 steps with other real live people face to face, lead to the self-honesty that saves me and keeps me just fine, one day at a time. Phew, that was a mouthful, sorry!

Of course, I am a nobody and don't have a monopoly on the Truth, nor do I speak for GYE (or anybody). So please - check back and let us know so that we can really learn the truth. Then what you wrote here will truly be a great service to others. Thanks!

By reason of your record and experience you have certainly have earned my respect(not that you ever asked or perhaps care about that) and I am sure the respect of the vast majority of thinking members here.
Allow me just to clarify my position. There are a variety of ideas that assist us in preventing triggers to arise or take control. The main focus at least for me is complete relinquishing of oneself to the the Almighty - that I have really no real control and need his help to overcome this. I think/meditate on this every day and every shonei esrei.
Having said that - I do need to do my own hishtadlus. I remember one e-mail written by a talmid chacham who wrote that the fact he looks away at inappropriate billboards and by so doing brings a zechus to the immodest model on the billboard- because she inadvertently caused him to be mekayim a lo sa'aseh- gives him an extra incentive to look away.(imagine that?) We all have our own individual motivations.
Now-it is essential to put our main efforts for most important factor - that is to give oneself over to Hashem - If we don't we are penny wise and pound foolish
yet at the same time why not use other incentives as well - just keep in mind what is Ikar and what is Tafel
If we do that -then indeed we should use every "gimmick" or "Tachbula" as the chachamim call it- to our advantage

yiraishamaim, a similar approach to yours was used by R' Akiva. See Avos derebi nasan 16,2.

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:


Fill us in please (and was that regardin' an addict?).

Thanks

Here's the relevant quote from Avos Derabbi Nosson:


ואל תתמה על רבי צדוק, שהרי ר' עקיבא גדול ממנו.
כשהלך לרומי אוכילו קורצא אצל שלטון אחד, ושיגר לו שתי נשים יפות. רחצום וסכום וקשטום ככלות חתנים, והיו מתנפלות עליו כל הלילה. זאת אומרת חזור אצלי, וזאת אומרת חזור אצלי.
והיה יושב ביניהם ומרקק, ולא פנה אליהן.
הלכו להן והקבילו פני השלטון, ואמרו לו: שווה לנו המות משתתננו לאיש הזה.
שלח וקרא לו, אמר לו: מפני מה לא עשית עם הנשים הללו כדרך שבני אדם עושים לנשים? לא יפות המה, לא בנות אדם כמותך הן, מי שברא אותך לא ברא אותם?
אמר לו: מה אעשה, ריחן בא עלי מבשר נבלות וטרפות ושרצים.

Bless you Hashiva and Gevura- The Dynamic Duo

We all know that in dealing with the draw towards lust and the awful acting out that naturally follows - It is only Hashem's merciful and direct intervention that can save us.
Surely that is our main focus.

In the meantime - Do we not learn how to avoid triggers?

Staying away from triggers means different things to different people. It is the training of ourselves to stay away from certain places, sites and situations. It also means adopting attitudes that can be beneficial.

I have said many thin's on this forum, and I am beginnin' to understand somethin' that Dov has been poundin' away at....directed at us addicts (whomever may fall in that category).
It is nice to rely on God and His compassion, but in this addiction, God is there throughout. He is with us in our sin and with us in our recovery. Simply sayin' that He will take us out will not do the trick. ein od milvado! before, durin' and after.

Similarly, thinkin' of the stench of this sin (for an addict for sure) will not get him too far (and if it does, kal hakavod!Our brains are warped...I know from yesterday when my lust brain was on high alert, I could feel that part of the brain trumpin' all reasons I would throw at him, and mainly...stench!!? not a chance....my fantasies were rich, colorful, classy, expensive, exquisite, royal, etc....there was no filth around.

But what can bring about recovery? and perhaps, what was there that got me out of this particular period? Here is what Dov says (I think): Steps 1 thru 3 is about acceptance and surrender. Steps 4 thru 10 are all about rectifyin' our defects, analyzin' ourselves and our deficiencies...in order that we will be able to accept and surrender.

I will say it in short: if we are lookin' simply to avoid the trigger, we are goners, for the triggers will keep comin'; let the triggers come, but be prepared to accept and surrender. For us addicts, a good method for that to happen is by workin' steps 4 thru 10.

I will conclude that there are many ways, and I will not end with a jab at some other methods....I'm simply tryin' (although I don't fully understand it) to explain the advantages of this one.

b'hatzlachah

for me it will only make matters worse
so i stay away from disgust as it pulls me right back

You know- I am sure you are right.

Right now my ways are working for me. They make sense for a regular Y"H set of challenges. However I am a relative beginner with regard to addictive type of behavior.

I've got to make the time to work the steps better than I am presently doing to help me for the long run. I put forth the effort to working on surrender but to do it the classic 12 step way - a proven formula for success for so many- sounds like the optimum approach.

There is a reason why the experienced guys like you are here. It's just s hard pill to swallow to realize that addictive tendencies is an area that perhaps my present knowledge simply falls short.

Live and Learn

I really agree with Dov and Cordnoy on this one, but that may simply be due to the fact that I'm an addict. This board also caters to non-addicts, for whom counter-fantasizing and repulsive thinking may work. But Dov's point is extremely well-taken: "mind-play [is] just a step away from fantasy."

I used to try repulsive-thinking, and found myself pretty far down the rabbit-hole. So if you're just barely scraping by in your recovery process, and are desperate for a way out, cranking up your imagination, even for the purposes of repulsion, might be counter-productive, and give your brain an unintended jolt in the wrong direction. So just keep that in mind. Cordnoy's point about the step-work makes sense.