[quote bringthemessiah]
I'm actually doing a lot better...
Good to hear

[quote bringthemessiah]
Its annoying b/c the point im at now is that i feel like i dont need him (the friend) anymore but since im in the same place as him i still go after him and am always frustrated. Truth is, its even worse than that, b/c now i sort of feel like i dont even like him, like he's annoying and very self centered, yet the problem is that before this whole thing, a few months ago, we were best friends and i obviously like him a lot, so i dont know what to make of these new feelings...
Any thoughts?

In my case I felt that the benefit I had from my friend had become very small (regretably) bec of the issues I had with him. For me the math didn't add up anymore The relationship became one-sided etc
I went my own way (without hurting his feelings or anything) and I now thank g-d have other great friends...

I don't know if this aplies to you or not I'm just sharing what happened with me....

P.s. I also had this pattern that I would get annoyed and see fault... I think I was subconsciously compensating for the fact that the relationship was one sided (it made me feel inferior -he didnt need me nearly as much as I needed/wanted him..) If I could see him as having issues then maybe he wasn't that better than me after-all! A subconscious defense mechanism against a threat to my ego _{which addmitedly was quiet low at the time.}

Keep on posting!!!

Hi BTM.

Couple of thoughts. 

Sometimes we "outgrow" a relationship.

Sometimes people need to be angry at someone and find fault with them to get a little emotional distance to separate. 

Maybe you're seeing him more clearly now, and he really is annoying.

But if your negative feelings for him are pretty strong, remember that intensity is intensity, plus or minus.  And us addicts LOVE our intensity.

One other point.  Have you talked with a rav?  I understand you're deep into your therapy, but unless you're seeing a therapist who's also a rav, you're missing an important ingredient in your recovery. Shemzach nisht.

Your honesty and determination stands as an example for every single one of us.  y'shkoiach.

This thread is very serious!
Hi BTM. would you like a tortilla?

I am a frum guy as well and suffer from the same thing.
Pat yourself on the back that you had the courage to write your letter, others would not and to deal with it while you are young.
Your lucky because when I was your age there was no one to turn to.
I to looked for a therapist when the struggle got strong over a friend and I also told him and B"H we are still friends and he thanks me because he use to make fun and not talk nice about guys with attractions to men and now he tells people who suffer to go and seek help.
Remember one thing Hashem gives us these challenges because he knows we can deal with them, if you could not deal with it he would not give you it.
Throw those meds away, the only med you need is Hashem and a good support system.

Moshico, i see youv'e found s/one to share with! good for you!

I was so happy to come across this post because I am going through the same exact thing. Just reading this post was a lot of support for me because now I know that I'm not the only one suffering from this issue. Is the only way to overcome this by seeing a therapist??

bringthemessiah wrote on 16 Feb 2011 00:24:


Even though you're straight, consider talking to a Jewish organization that works with homosexuals.  That type of organization may know how to help people in your situation.  The "Ex-gay organizations" list in "Judaism and sexual orientation" on Wikipedia lists a few such organizations.

• Atzat Nefesh:  I've never phoned Atzat Nefesh before, but Wikipedia says they help people deal with masturbation, "sexual obsessions", homosexuality, and other problems.

• JONAH:  I personally am attracted to both men and women, and I've taken advantage of lots of JONAH's services before.  They can refer you to support groups all over the world.  They run shabbatonim (group therapy weekends).  They can refer you to therapists.  I don't know any good way to measure whether their services have helped with my same-sex attraction.  But I do agree with something that someone on a JONAH shabbaton once proposed to me:  No matter whether or not the work I've done has helped me with my same-sex attraction, it definitely has helped me become a better person.

Both these organizations are in favor of therapy methods which Wikipedia says "are denounced by all mainstream medical organizations".  But as Arthur Goldberg writes in his book Light in the Closet, this may be because many gay lobbyists and supporters have good jobs and no kids.  So they have lots of money to spend on influencing people's opinions however they want to.

The OP is long gone, but this is good information for anyone with SSA issues.

I have read alot of the information on the JONAH and NARTH websites, and I am actually reading Arthur's book right now. I don't know if I will actually go to any kind of therapy, but just understanding the underlying emotional and social issues and what i need to work on to improve myself in those areas is helping me. I doubt that a complete "cure" is possible, but the knowledge seems to be taking the "edge" off the intensity of the desires. And perhaps these methods can help some of those with very strong or exclusive SSA progress to where they can have a committed and loving relationship with a woman, get married and raise a family. It's definitely worth a try to those who want it.

Gevura!

I TOO AM A FRUM GUY SUFFERING FROM THESE ISSUES. IT DEFINITELY MAKES IT EASIER KNOWING THAT I AM NOT ALONE. MY MAIN ATTRACTION IS FOR WOMEN, BUT I AM STILL ATTRACTED TO OTHER MEN. DOES ANYBODY HAVE ANY IDEAS FOR ME.