NeedHelp - Firstly, may Hashem bless you. 

According to Halacha you are required to get married.  This is a very great obligation.  The fact that you have a problem does not mean that you are exempt from endeavoring to get married. 

לא לתהו ברא .  If people would stop getting married because they have an interenet porn problem - well, there would be far fewer kinderlach in the world.  In all likelihood, you will get married and continue to have an issue to deal with. 

YOu need to speak to a Rov or a mentor.  Someone that you really trust  for guidance. 

The fact that you realize that you have a problem is a Maileh.  Do not sell yourself short.  Teshuvah is just around the the corner.  And it's that person who has the potential for Teshuvah that the young lady deserves.

BD

Regarding Bendurdayah's response, you will, IY"H, fulfill the Mitzvah to get married in the proper time - hopefully soon.  However, both you and your future wife will be at a great advantage if you have some good sobriety first.

Regarding Macabee's and JB's reponses, we're talking about someone who can stay clean without live meetings.

So is Veahavta Leracha Kamocha, Vesimach Es Ishto, Lo sonu ish es amiso and on and on.

There is no possible way that an active addict can marry without violating numerous laavin in the Torah in his relationship with his wife. 

I'm not qualified to give a pesak but just saying there is an obligation to marry, to me, seems is a bit of an oversimplification.

I think we're all in agreement over here. If you want to stay the way you are (unrecovered) then getting married is very problematic and will be very stressful and many other bad things that the married people here can enumerate. However, if you are willing to and make actions towards recovery and work recovery. There is NO reason why you shouldn't be able to get married. Maybe even sooner that you think. You won't know until you start and even then you won't. I feel and see that I have made incredible progress from where I was last pesach. I am not ready to get married yet but it definitely seems a more realistic concept and goal, if you can call it that, than it was nine months ago.

Just remember ODAAT. This is what you have to focus on now.

If I may be curious and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but why are you starting in a week? The way I see it (and I may be wrong) you shouldn't want to start if you're not ready.

BUT IT WILL HAPPEN!

hi - welcome.

you said: no girl deserves such a boy.

when we put thoughts like this into our mind, our mind finds ways to prove that we are right.
imho - you should start filling your head with more positive thoughts.

on a different note - the fact that anyone gets married shows that Hashem is running the world.

while I was dating - I remember feeling just like you described.
it got to the point - that I felt like I could not take it.

I called the shadchan - and said forget! its not going to work out.. to many other things going on..
and I was going back to the states (excuses! )

shadchan told the wrong story to my kallah - we wound up on another date, and then another...
well she is still around 11 years later.

learn to relax.
turn off the hot water - and daven to Hashem that He should lead you and give you clarity

dov in israel (not to be confused with the other Daily dose of Dov )

DovInIsrael wrote on 02 Feb 2011 21:06:


MAJOR disclaimer there DII.