I saw a vort from Rav Brevda Shlita on the gemara "the one who comes to purify himself is assisted" by Hashem. Says Rav Brevda the gemara "does not say 'the one who wants to purify himself ... '; rather its says 'the one who comes to purify himself...'  Everyone would like to be pure but not everyone is willing to put in the effort required.

It sounds like you want to get better, but your not really willing to put a bit of effort into it?

I heard a mashal which I might of posted before of a man who had aspirations to have lots and lots of money.  Every day he davened and davened to Hashem to grant him to win the lottery and promised to use the money only for tzedakah and maasim tovim.  Hashem you have nothing to loose only to gain he pleaded.  After every shmone esreh he would spend 20 minutes davening to win the lotto with intense kavana.  This went on 3 times a day for many years.  Finally after 20 years, the melachim came to Hashem and said, its enough already we can't take this any longer, can You just let him win the lottery already?  Hashem answered, I have no problem with this, but he never bought a ticket.

Reb Laag, there are many "tickets" suggested above that you can buy.  Its not enough to just accept this nisayon and say nu nu.  It helped many of us and it can help you.