hey i am new here bla bla bla.... and my english is not the best
bekitzer i  ``oficially`` seat and learn.....but in my free time i wach films and porn.....
  Oh yes i allready cutted (geshniten, chotachi) the wires that provide internet, i took out the posibility of wlan of my laptop, NOTHING HELPS in the long run.....
  I dont understand how dos a jewish frum person "relax"? i mean bederech heter.... how? by reading a book? by eatting steake? by waching a concert of lipa? come on!.....
I am not eaven talking about porn! waht about waching films....? thats also included in the "veloi sosuru"! there is also in normal films not tzniesdige woman....., but with what alse can we relax?
 
  I have more than 2 children and i am after my 30 years and i study.... i am ven very good at it... very deep... and i enjoy it very very much i can seat in koilel 13 and and sometimes 15 hours!!! true! i can also seat as a regular koilel yungerman 8 hours, nothing really makes a diffrence, after a month and a half sometimes less, i get a "lust atack and sometimes i can struggle for hours sometimes for a day BUT NOT MORE!!!
oH RIBOINOI SHEL OILOM    WHAT ALLSE CAN I SAY
what allse there is here to say ill say at a diffrent ocasion

sometimes to relax all we need is a nap

welcome laagvokeles.

hahaha i gotta tell you, im happy i inscribed my self, somebody made me laugh already....

hi  and welcome!

here are some more ideas for relaxation:

bikeriding, walking, watching a sunset, cup of hot tea, read a good book, listening to music, playing music, composing poetry, drawing/painting, POSTING ON GYE

Dear Laagvokeles,

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

I simply dont understand, how somebody who has been exposed to porn can really get rid of it "leolmei oilomim" forever.
The same way you get your "lust" atack, you also get your "tshuva" atack.... and then you learn musar every day and in the street you dont pick up your eyes not to see more then dalet amot.... and you daven please go?d hlep me against the yetzer hara, and you go to the mikve to help kedusha be the boss over you.... AND THEN.... ill let your imagination tell you what hapens.... a yeride.... a lust atack....!

  I mean come on we see in the nuser sforim how hard it is to really change even a bad mide, that it can be a life work! and the internet isnt a life work?! once you got expsed, i think we can only daven! there is no metzius al pi derech hateva!
  And if we frum jews would have really exiting stuff like frum television for our free time with lots of chanels i think it would help!  cause one of the reasons why many of us get exposed to porn or to bad thaughts its because we are bored!

Give us some kosher "good time", and with a lot of davening  maybe we will manage
cause otherwise it looks like we wiil  go up and down up and down depending on our moods and we will be a  laag vokeles
                                         

do not view this as yetzer hara. it is a form of yetzer hara that is not korov to the ones spoken of in mussar sefarim.

this is an addiction. read about them medically.

yes you will always lust and learning how to react and how to have the feeling and not act out...this takes time allot of work and tears and fighting.

yes is true, we all before finding forum acted out, davened said never again then...but now we are learning the way. it is not through teshuva like how teshuva is normally. i am sure you realize, you need a different derech with this yetzer, nu?

by the way, what language are you used to?

hi laggvokelles

stay hey you will be renamed lihodoss ulihhallel

im bards

im a 38 year old working ben torah i a chassidc fellow

i drive a truck (AH TTTRUKKK)

i bring cheer and jest to the forum you gotta sty here for at least a choidesh to get the 'shprach"


but stay here

i dont always talk nicey nicey softy softy


after the introduction

here goes

to answer you question



what do we do to relax?


we relax by watching shmutz watching movies lusting over the ladies side of the mechutza  what else fantasisng etc etc

we do all this to relax!!

or do we??

so lets go to the merriam webster dictionary

(its a the book form of wikipedia something we used before all english became assur)

re·lax verb \ri-ˈlaks\
Definition of RELAX
transitive verb
1: to make less tense or rigid : slacken
2: to make less severe or stringent : modify
3: to deprive of energy, zeal, or strength of purpose
4: to relieve from nervous tension
5: to treat (hair) chemically in order to relax curls
intransitive verb
1: to become lax, weak, or loose : rest
2: to become less intense or severe
3of a muscle or muscle fiber : to become inactive and lengthen
4: to cast off social restraint, nervous tension, or anxiety
5: to seek rest or recreation
6: to relieve constipation
7: to attain equilibrium following the abrupt removal of some influence (as light, high temperature, or stress)



i am guessing we are using the 4th definition or the 5th

I find that although the po$n gives a temporary relxing feeling

it comes back as a huge tsunami and bites you in the mechilla


you bring up a valid subject which is the subject of kosher entertainment

my freind zemmy gives some kosher ideas

i am a bit more "sharf"

verr zugt we need to entertained all the time

yes we need a "tzummy" a pacifier and what we are missing in life we get back as a cheap fake phony destructive form of relaxation

I will give you a bad example

but here goes

ask any kid

they all would love to go to diney land ( major assur today, venn dee verst a tatteh megg men gayn uber nisht venn dee bist a yingel udder a bucher)

ok a free trip to disney is great

free trip all expenses paid wow!!

for 3 weekks !!!! wowowowowowwo!!!

one catch

whats the catch

its with the make-a-wish-foundatin

for terminally ill childeren

ooooops no sireee ill stay home in freezing cold boroparkflatbushmonsey kj lakewood waterbury kensington kew gardenshill etc etc etc

lust relaxation is not relaation

there is  something missing

a missing peice of the puzzle

we need to learn how to live with that missing peice of the puzzle and not pour poison into it

RELAXATION IS LIVING WITH THE MISSING PIECE OF THE PUZZLE!!!!


keep on trucking


bardichev (nin vineched lisingaryon shel yisroel)

first of all thank you for talking to me.
im used to talk in yidish

bekesher to what you said that this is an adiction:
well,  hashem dos not send a nisoion we cant fight....

besides think about fighting a bad mide like gelousy.... that we all have a chiuv to fight it, and im not sure that  to really break that mide is any easyer than to brake this porn atacks.... and still we have a chiuv...

I still think that in the world we live in rule number one is not to ever ever get exposed.
rule numbre 2 always be ocupied, and if you are not working and not learning, (i think i t happens ) how can you be ocupied?
im speacking out of a broken hard i really think we need a miracle

yes HaShem does not send an addiction we cannot fight.

but sometimes you must use different weapons. it's not always the same.

if you want to feel 'no this is a normal nisayon i can win with davening and tears' you would sound silly since obviously it's not working, ubt if you want go ahead and knock your head against a brick wall lol.

not every nisayon is the same. The Ribono Shel Olom has put tools in this world so that we should use them in our growth and serving Him.

this forum will help you grow, will teach you how to fight your Nisayon so that you are not always crying 'never again' and then not listening to yourself.

i did not say don't fight nisyonos. i said FIGHT DIFFERENTLY for this one.

your rules you wrote work very well. and yes we need miracles. this is what i davened for one day from a broken broken heart and then that night i found this place. this place is my miracle.

d-teddy, that was very well said!

helige bardichever....

ales fain in voil, veadayen haben shoiel!
how to be again good after we are exposed? can your grandfather do me the miracle?
how can i do something allse that i enyoy? go to your bote? what can i do? WE the frum jews have nothing nothing to do in this world besides davening eating learning and working!
a goi can go to the beach to the movies etc!
  someone like me that got exposed, it wouldnt be enough to go into eichlers in the 13th and make a round.....

tattelle!

i love you already we will make room a nother yiddish speaker

you gotta rea

read bardichevs battle

it will take 2 weeks

we will tak i will answer you soon

i gotta run to my next stop

dee zyger klapped de booss  is shtreng  de goyim zene im gedildig

b

teddybear i got your point...
nu? what should i do?
ill not accept an option of castration

laagvokeles wrote on 15 Dec 2010 17:45:


who told u yidden don't have fun? you think the only fun in this world is not-kosher?

my whole day i am having fun. i talk to my good friends we tease each other, i take a walk and enjoy all the sites, i make myself a cup of hot chocolate and put in too many marshmellows. i go fishing, i go rock climbing, i laugh a lot, i read calvin and hobbes cartoon books, i talk to strangers and find out about their lives, i get together with friends for basketball.
a yid is allowed to take a break to let off steam - if you are not allowing yourself this is silly you see what happens you force yourself to learn for so long for so many hours and then BAM you let of steam in the WORST POSSIBLE WAY.

maybe you need more breaks. maybe you need to be easier on yourself.

why is the only fun in this world not kosher in your mind? i do not understand.

i think it is not the truth. yidden have a wonderful life. yidden have cholent and potato kugle and a warm community of people who love them.

i think the problem is that you feel there is no fun in yiddishkeit because something is wrong with where/how you were taught - a yid's only mission in life is to learn torah? nu such is not the case, there is chessed  SUCH SIMCHA WE GET FROM CHESSED and there is so much more there is Shabbos and Yom Tov and your nephew's upsherin.

it is the attitude from you that is the problem. there is plenty in this oilom aside from beaches and movies and clubs.