Oy, I feel for you Kosher. Keep posting and keep trucking.

look BB you are in an inside office, and your good behavier has an effect all the way to dekota!
keep it up

Kosher's not really in North Dakota, he's in..................

Honesty is the only thing I know of that saves us. It's the pesach in "Pischu li pesach kechudo shel machat" that Chaza"l say Hashem is primarily asking us for. But like the Kotzker (I think) put it: all we need is that little tiny pesach for Him to reach us, but it's gotta be through and through.

I wonder what really makes it 'through and through'.

That, I think, should be our main concern.

I often wondered, "haven't I opened the eye of the needle, where are you hashem"?  I fell and fell again and again  :-[.  Not sure I have the answer.  Maybe I wasn't [i]honestly[/i] ready to give it up.  Then again, the eye of a needle is pretty small???

What a day.
I was walking to work this morning and I saw a bunch of business cards scattered on the ground. A quick glance showed me that each one was a color photograph of the sort of borderline soft porn that always gives me and gave me the biggest lust rush. WOW! Boruch Hashem that was over in an instant. Then I got to work, and there was Sarah dressed to kill in full mega-trigger mode. I will spare you and me the details. At one point I grabbed the arm of my chair and white-knuckled it. Although I had a few slips and peeked, I still think I have gained and strengthened myself these last two weeks and I am not depressed about what happened today.

A wonderful Shabbos everyone and we'll meet again after havdolo.

Blind Beggar wrote on 18 Nov 2011 11:06:

i think so too, and it doesn't pay to argue with giraffes
chazak ve'ematz BB!

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 18 Nov 2011 16:36:
How true! Giraffes are out of our league - and yes, you have gained a heck of a lot!!

And I'd like to ask you one question. The question that always points me to the ikkar appreciation, no matter what happens, who loves me or hates me, or what I am losing, gaining, or anything:

Have you gained a G-d of your very own for today - and do you still have Him right this very second?

That's all there really is that makes me happy; that I can rely on.

"Deioh konisah meh chosartoh? Deioh chosartoh mah konisah?" Chaza"l (per the Sfas Emess it means, "if what you 'got' [are doing] brings you a more real relationship with your G-d [the realness of the relationship we have with our G-d [i]is [/i]the real Da'as (related to sexual connection with your wife, of course, known as da'as - connection) - the only real 'knowing', as in "...haskeil veyado'ah Osi"], then whatever you 'got' is worth it. But if it brings you apart, then what the heck is it worth, at all? (and also works for the relationship with the wife, too, by the way. Hmmm....)

BB glad to hear all is going well.  Enjoy your shabbos.

The following is a repeat post for those who do not have access to the Baal Habattim forum

I was talking to R' Shmuel Kaminetsky Shilt"a about the challenges I had in "North Dakoda". In the course of the conversation, he said (somewhat paraphrased), "Someone who travels around and does not turn on the TV in the hotel is a very special person". For emphasis, he kissed me.

Hashem kissed you also, and so would I if you lived in Meron.

I am coming home from shachris and I see some chareidi teenage girls wearing raincoats. My eyes go straight to the floor because I cannot look. Who can't look at  chareidi teenage girls wearing raincoats? Me, because I am sick; not evil, just sick. This is how Hashem wants me to serve Him and I know you guys understand, so I am sharing it with you.

i also recognised thats its me who have the problem, the problem is not the way they dress
VEHOO RAYEH: that even the most tzniusdigeh women can trigger me

Sometimes it's davka the tzniusdik ones that are triggering.

Those tzniusdik girls were not davka triggering, I just can't cope with any girl who weighs less than me. Triggery ones are even harder, as I have posted countless times these last 2 weeks.


dov wrote on 18 Nov 2011 18:58:



About 4 years ago I would go out every night at midnight to talk to Hashem in English in a forest. It was moredik but it didn't stop my lusting and acting out.
Today, I am far from uncontrolled lusting and acting out but I rarely spend more than 2 minutes talking to Hashem in English. I do turn to Hashem before I get to work and when I am waiting for a bus but I am far from what Rebbe Nachman taught and what Dov means. It's good to have Dov around to remind us to connect with our Higher Power.