1daat wrote on 13 Nov 2011 20:39:
The problem is not that the post are triggering.  The issue is I feel bad for the poor guy. If I kept track what my secretary was wearing every day I'd be a dead man. It's enough keeping track what my wife wears. If I'm obsessed with someone I track what they wear.  That's no humanizing them. That's just the opposite. I would venture to guess that BB does not know what the overweight older co-worker who sits a couple of desks away or his male supervisor is wearing. If he doesn't he has to ask himself what's the difference between the two.
There have been times that my secretary has worn tops that are a little too revealing. I don't think the solution is tracking what she wears every day that just puts the problem right in my lap. Yes its great (and now GYE gives me the option to admit my issue to someone) but once I do I don't want to hang around there.
Continued hatzlacha.

I agree. The RMCh"L writes that the method that Hashem used to create the universe, is itself what is koveya the way the world itself will function and unfold through it's history.

To me, this is an example of a major program idea: The way we behave to get to a goal is itself what determines the particular nature of our end-product. In other words, by tracking the outfits these women wear, the awareness of their outfits will be the result the person ends with. It is exactly what i wrote about above, the story of my friend praying fervently for the woman in front of us, while staring intently at her buttocks.

I still think your notes are funny, BB. And no, there is no single right way to go about these things. One person needs to kid around about it a lot, another needs to take it very seriously. But only you BB, will know what you are creating: further preoccupation with the peripherals of these women rather than their actual bodies...(it's a tool, sure, but it won't get you that far away from sexual fantasy)...or if you are actually on the way towards complete severance from actually thinking of them as your eye candy and fantasy sex toys. It might work for you, and it might not. Far be it from us to judge what you need to do.

Do you hear me bud?

I thank UAJ for making the point clearly above. 

Ooh Ooh, nice.  Really nice points UAJ and Dov. No question that BB's way too into how these ladies adorn themselves each day.

I agree  he may be stuck.  But stuck is permitted.  Acting out it's not.

I remember it wasn't long ago that he wouldn't have been able to tolerate the tension for even a few minutes.  Now he's taking it and taking it and he's steady. He uses everything he's learned here at GYE.

He is an example to all of us of what is possible when we truly know what it is to be totally addicted, totally weak.  His sobriety has brought him back to a beautiful relationship with his Creator, which he shares with us often.

He knows he's obsessed, I'm pretty sure.  I don't know what purpose the fashion report serves for him, but I think it does help him in some way.  And if it turns out to be a bad experiment, I have faith that BB will notice that and make a course correction.

Posting what he needs to post to the extent that he does, probably helps keep him sober and sane in some way.

"Knowing" BB, I have to believe that, and be patient and see what develops.  What's a little grass underfoot?

[It's really good of you guys to take this seriously and post meaningful points]

beautifully said, 1daat!

Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger!

I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.I don't have to turn around and look.

Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else. Relax those knuckles.Think about something else.


So far, so good. I have not had one good look at those triggery bits. I spoke to her without any hormonal rush.

1daat wrote on 15 Nov 2011 05:27:


1daat - You are the greatest.

I was obsessed. I am trying to calm down. I am new in a mixed office, don't forget.

I am getting used to her. She is not a goddess, not really very important, not my problem.
Time to focus on something else and look away when I get up from my seat.

Next post in another 4 hours as long as no woman grabs me or sends me a suggestive IM (no SMS on my phone), which has not happened in the last few decades.

End of the work day. Less obsessed than I was. Still very attracted to all pretty girls and probably always will be.
One day, as always, at a time.
Thank you for visiting my thread.

Way to go BB, now stop thinking about pink elephants .

BB, Either way: if they dress NORMALY and its US that have the problem, then lets follow dov, as they are innocent, we just think who knows what, but its all pure imagination, therefore i wont take any notice of their appearance
and on the other hand, if they dress intentionaly to attract, then they are rotton and disgusting, therefore i wont take any notice of their appearance

Shmeichel wrote on 15 Nov 2011 22:06:


Uh, scuze me, uh, since when does them being rotton and disgusting have anything to do with whether or not I "take any notice".  some of us are into "rotten and disgusting", also, and it's our work to not look even if their holy.

But I get your point.

These hot girls are not rotten or disgusting. No one in this office dresses davka to attract and no one flirts (as far as I can see). I am continuing to pink-knuckle it and ignore their sexuality. Hashem put me here and that is what He wants me to do. Still sober, still on Hashem's Wall of Honor.

glad to hear rebbe BB,
לך בכחך זה ותעשה חיל

For an addict like me, lust triggers are like fresh manure. If the smell is overwhelming, I move. If I cannot get away at all and it is wafting into my nostrils every now and then, I find ways to forget about it. Not smelling it at all is my goal.

There is no evil in noticing them, thinking about them, fantasizing about them, etc. Rather, it is just manure, that's all. I ought never look at it as my day's 'big challenge': "I will not smell the manure today!! I will not smell it!! NO!! Don't smell it!!!!!" There really is no big victory in not noticing the manure all day. It's just a better way to live, period.

Maybe I am wrong, but I hear too much challenge in your struggle...too much struggle. I need to let go of the morality and kedusha business about these things completely, and grab onto the program and real life. Keep it simple. Not Holy, but simple. Holiness and perfection and goodness are all things that I need to leave to those better qualified to handle them.

And when someone says to me that I am a tzaddik for being sober for so long, or for working my program for so long, I love reacting with a chuckle inside and remember that I am just trying to stay alive and deserve no real credit for not bending over and deeply inhaling the manure odor today. They do not understand that, of course. Cuz they are busy struggling to 'win'....

Love ya!

thanks dov
thats exactly what i meant, i just like to keep my posts short

Thank you Dov. I am starting to struggle with those girls less. I am aiming for shmiras einayim like any frum man and hesach hadaas. I hardly noticed Sarah today although I do know what she was wearing and I know I cannot describe it because it was triggering. Don't forget this is a new phenomenon for me.
I have gained tremendously from posting and reading everybody else's posts and eventually I will stop my daily work posts - when I will no longer need to post daily.

I am travelling in North Dakota (or somewhere like that). Considering the weather and all things should be easy. Unfortunately, at a meeting today two women showed up dressed in a manner that makes me sympathetic to BB's need to give wardrobe reports and obsess. It isn't always easy...