Hey everyone, 

Good morning, afternoon, evening... whenever you see this in the world. 

I'm in a terrible place right now. Mentally, spiritually, even physically. I no longer feel like I'm in-the-fight anymore in this battle. I feel awful about myself, and it has even affected my studies and work. Everything that I hold dear and consider important are slowly slipping away from me, and I've come to the realization that if I keep going down this path, who knows where I'll end up. I've been out of the Yeshivah system for over a year now so I don't have the same support system as I used to, and I'm no longer a teenager. Based on my age, I'm expected to begin dating soon, but I can't imagine starting the dating process when I'm having such difficult struggles. 

Like many of us, I've been struggling with inyanei kedusha since early adolescence and I never managed to stave off the Yetzer Hara and stay strong. Many of my "successes" in this have been short-lived, not lasting more than a month. I've known about GYE for some time now - a couple of years - and I have even used some of their resources, like the Taphsic method from way back, and more recently the F2F (when it first came out, I don't remember exactly when), but none of my attempts yielded any significant results, mainly because my motivation faded over time (you know, when you start feeling good about yourself and think "Hey, I'm finally out of the woods!" and you let your guard down when in reality its just another ploy of the Yetzer Hara. That's what usually gets me back down if I even manage some success).

My question for the wonderful members of this community is the following: Where do I start from again? How can I reinitiate and jumpstart my journey to getting closer to Hashem? I do have a good filter, but no filter is perfect, and I have unfortunately been poking into it looking for loopholes. I feel so overwhelmed with all the different tools, programs, and methods that are available and I just don't know where to start. Does anyone had any advice for me? Even words of chizuk are much appreciated. May Hashem give all of you much Siyata Dishmaya. 

Thanks for reading. 

Hi welcome! Im also pretty new to this. I started around 37 days ago.Its been a battle  i fell 23 days ago. but im going strong BH. My advice is that you must speak to someone. Its impossible to do this alone. Posting is a nice first step but its not going to be enough. Its sounds hard to reach out to someone but once you do it will have been the best decision of your life! Everyone of the mentors here have been through the same battles if not worse and they do not judge you at all.
Hatzlacha!

2448 welcome! Congrats to you on making it this far. You can start from where ever you are at. I am working on putting my life together. It’s a slow journey. Just put in an honest effort and God will be with you. Thank you for your blessing in your post. It is nice to get a blessing from such a big tzaddik like you ! If there is anyway I can be of help, try me. Glad to help. Welcome 2448!

daverose wrote on 26 May 2025 06:06:

Thanks for the response @daverose. I agree with you on this - I definitely need to speak to someone about this. Does GYE pair people up with mentors? Where can I request one? 

Also, what has worked for you so far? Have you been using the Flight to Freedom program? 

There's a search button for the forum. Search for one of these users. Then either PM them or contact them via their signature.

HashemHelpMe, eerie, Muttel, ChaimOigen there are more but these come to mind

Hi I would second everyone @Kavey recomened.I have spoken to most of them theyre amazing! Also feel free to email me Daverosea1@gmail.com If you have more questions.
Hatzlacha thinking of you!

The book The Battle of the Generation can help a lot with motivation but it is definitely worth reaching out to someone. There is a link to the book in my signature.

Just agreeing with the above mentioned advice to reach out to find a mentor or two. Also keeping eye out for others on the forum whom you feel you could relate to and connect to in your struggles. It’s easy to feel alone. Connecting with others through the forum and in real life can be a game changer.

being out of Yeshiva now, do you have solid learning/connection in your day? Out of Yeshiva, to certain degree sky’s the limit of what you learn and how you learn (assuming it’s a valid way to learn of course) it’s much easier in one sense to find how you personally connect to learning. 

It’s great you’re motivated to tackle this now before marriage. Many have struggled up until including marriage, mistakenly thinking marriage will solve their problems. It doesn’t . If one doesn’t work on these things beforehand they’ll stay the same if not possibly get worse, and bring along new struggles

chazak ve’amatz. 

Instead of allowing everything near and dear to you to slip away, consider the type of person you want to be. What are the middos you want to perfect? What type of person do you want to be? Honest, Integrity, Hospitable, Charitable? Instead of looking at yourself and saying "I can't do that anymore," say "I DON'T do that anymore." That's not the type of person I am or want to be and constantly acting out is not going to get me to the person I want to be.

2448 wrote on 26 May 2025 05:17:

As you already know,
Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
There are many tools here to help you in this fight, some of them you may not be familiar with.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program* (click here for an explanation of what the vaad is), and the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframin' the struggle, as you mentioned.
Posting is a great way to connect, learn, and grow also. 
(The Hall of Fame Thread is an awesome compilation of some the great threads on GYE.)

There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, as has been mentioned, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com,   Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com iwantlife - iwantlifegye@proton.me minhamayim - minhamayim1@gmail.com amevakesh - amevakesh23@gmail.com

Many of these tools can effect real, internal, lasting change. If the work is put in, and the vigilance is kept up you can WILL become a different man.
Keep postin', you'll see, the oilam is here for you.

Lookin' forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

*NEW VAAD STARTING SOON! NEVER TOO LATE TO JOIN! (PSST...YOU CAN EVEN JOIN A VAAD THAT ALREADY STARTED...SHHH) JUST HIT THAT LINK TO SIGN UP! 

Thank you everyone for all the support and information! BzH I'll reach out to a mentor soon and in the meantime I'll restart the F2F program. 

Regarding what @chizuk613613613 asked, yes I do have some solid learning - a good night seder, but not as much as I'd like (I really want to begin learning Shaar Habitachon and the Beis HaLevi on Bitachon since I'm now doing college online and concurrently working). I do have rabbanim here in town that I can speak to somewhat, but I don't feel like I can speak to them about everything, if you know what I mean. That's also why finding this forum is so liberating and validating - I can finally speak to people(s) about this nisayon and overcoming it. 

Thank you @elya k for the perspectives. I really do need to change my perspective on how I fight this nisayon and how I think about myself in relation to it. 

And thank you @proudyungerman for all the info and motivation! Chazak Ubaruch.