You never fail to inspire me!
Thank you for posting

Connecting with people helps me grow.
Growing helps me to be able to give.
Giving makes me feel more connected.

Somehow my scattered and directionless life has found this positive cycle, and I think it started with being koveah ittim l'Torah. Voluntarily learning Torah impacts you as a person. As one develops, it becomes increasingly meaningful to actualize that development in a positive way. Why improve things that you aren't really going to use? 

I think an important nekuda is that growth and potential without actualization leads to stagnant decline. 

Of course another important nekuda is the power or connecting.

These aren't chiddushim, pretty sure I learned much of this from Rav Dessler, but it hits different when you see it applied in your own life.

Reading a GYE article about lust in marriage and one line really hit hard:

"I can't have true union with my wife while lust is active because she as a person really doesn't matter; she's even in the way."

It is me who puts my own wife in between what I desire and our potential to connect. I'm taking. My excuses for not being able to give are more of my taking. And my giving even has taking in it.

Applying this thoughtfully bares a harsh truth. More so in my past, but still so in my present. I need to stay aware of this.

https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/questions-and-answers/item/lust-in-marriage?category_id=36&start=1

Thank you for your posts. 

Have not been on here in a while. Learnt allot from these posts and gave me tremendous chizuk. 

Thank you!

We are supposed to gain something on Purim and take it with us.

So here goes:

I am greatness!

We all are. Kol tov Brothers

Hi. I am an older Mechanech and have had occasional falls -- maybe monthly -- over the last few years. On Erev Pesach I restarted Covenant eyes, got 3  allies and joined GYE. I am really looking forward to discussing my different challenges and tests with a mentor and hope I can straighten myself out completely. I recall the feelings of kedusha I used to have, which I miss. I think that what I did on Erev Pesach was a big stride in the right direction, but I need to keep going with Hashem's help, until I can find my way back to kedusha.

Welcome. You are on the path to kedusha. Please stick around and get to know the oilam. The growth that you can attain from fighting this yetzer hara is likely much more than you can imagine. It is not just to get back to where you were - you have the opportunity to get to a place much higher. Embrace the opportunity.

Wishing you tremendous success
Vehkam

levnishbar wrote on 15 Apr 2025 03:35:

I fit into your box (see a link to my thread in my signature). I found tremendous growth here as vehkam mentioned. The sky's the limit. Welcome and here's wishing for your sustained success!

Hi @levnishbar, thanks for sharing. You're welcome to start your own thread, and share your background, goals and wins etc. 

Hatzlacha!

Muttel wrote on 15 Apr 2025 18:29:

I second every word that Muttel wrote, (including the Mechnech part) and there are quite a few chevra here that can third and fourth and fifth etc. .......it

Well, earlier in the week I looked at something I should not have. Was at a vehicle shop for work and the mechanic that was with me had an inappropriate picture on his shirt. I wasn't 100% sure (just something like 98%) and I confirmed that that was indeed the case. 

Since then, my shemiras einayim has not been what it can and should be. I feel a bit off my game. Being exhausted and sick isn't helping, but that just means I need to make some adjustments and increase my awareness.

Today is a little better so far, but bezH being mechazeik to not accept less that what I'm capable of. I will be more vigilant and get back to doing better - because I can.

Kol Tov

Kudos for the brutal honesty. 

You're a model for me in aliya and vigilance.

Thank you!

I will be honest, it hasn’t been easy. After making a breach, the YH stuck himself in the crack and does not want to give up that little space I opened for him. However, with Hashem’s aid, I have not allowed him to widen it any further, though at times it was straining. By keeping up the pressure, he is being forcibly expelled. One deliberate choice at a time, he is getting squeezed out. As others have mentioned, the additional challenge of summer is already upon us, and I do not wish to approach that recurring nisayon with a weakness in my defenses that I can try to improve.

BH last night I had an opportunity to reinforce my position. My night seder chabura made a siyum and our wives were invited to participate in the celebration of the Torah learning that they supported over the past year (~6 months for me). Despite having a personal issue with thinking other people (read: men) may look at my wife. I sat at the men’s table with my back to where the women sat, even though that meant that an additional man would be facing my wife. (I’m not absolutely sure, but I think I did the right thing by not facing the women, even though that may have left another with the challenge of shemiras einayim. I’m not supposed to put myself in a makom nisayon. That’s my cheshbon to make. To start cheshboning for others, at least in many circumstances, I feel may be overstepping my hishtadlus).

After the siyum, I was able to help clean up without looking around more than a minimal amount. Then our hostess asked me (the geshikt guy) if I could take a look at their leaking toilet in the basement and showed me where it was. Daf Yomi will bezH get there in a couple of days, but the very end of Makkos *spoiler alert* cites a definition of not looking at women when they are in compromising positions (specifically while they used to wash laundry in the river, but it would apply to any related circumstance). The Gemara popped into my head, and as the hostess beat me to the staircase, I turned around and feigned looking contemplatively at the bathroom for enough time that she could ascend the stairs and be through the doorway before I followed.

Writing it out might make it seem like I was busy calculating all these things, and perhaps overdoing it, but in real-time the thoughts came and went pretty quickly and naturally. It feels good to acknowledge a level of control and enough awareness to maneuver the situation appropriately. Thank you Hashem for accepting my commitment and effort to do better, and helping me accomplish and appreciate an overall positive outcome. Kol Tov.

HUGE!!!!!

Reb Ben!! I have no words!!

Amazing stuff!

Thanks for sharing