Life has been really great the past 13 days I just found out of this site I signed myself up and I really felt that this time I'm going to make it through, and for 13 days I felt sky high.
Until now when I got a painful reminder that the struggle is a tough one,
 I have fallen through twice, and feel terrible about it, but being on the right path doesn't guarantee you that you will not fall, but it does guarantee that eventually you'll get home it might take some time it might take some pain but as long as you're on the right path you will make it through,
As I'm writing these lines, I feel now more determined than ever to keep standing back up, and to not give up.
And בע"ה this time will be the time that I will make it back home without falling ever again

I understand the feeling completely, its really tough and depressing. Its great to see you've got chizzuk to keep going., You can do this!
What gives you the strength to keep going though?
I know sometimes I just feel so worthless and helpless and dont know what to do

Wow great to have you here! If I can make a suggestion with your permission, that you add one of the tools from the site and do it daily, to have a daily positive growth as you push through this.

Some great options:
The F2F Program
The Battle of the Generation (book/ebook/ai audiobook)
The Fight (audio series)
(Links to some of these are in my signature.)