Hi everyone
I've been struggling with this for the past 5 years p, m etcetera. Ive tried so many tactics but nothing seems to work. I feel miserable about it and when i try to do teshuva it feels sincere but i can never beat the yetzer hara and then i just seems like i never cared. Im a bachur in yeshiva and really do care about my judaism and yiddishkeit. It seems impossible that hashem could still be invested in me after the hundreds of times ive been nichshal and done teshuvah and tried to succeed and then failed, i come up with good plans and tactics but one tiny slip just throws everything of the rails. Im seriously stuck and i want to beat this and im so lost in this. Anyone got good advice/ support?

Yes! Hi!
Welcome. 
Firstly, to come and make the commitment to change and get rid of this problem, is a huge step. And I commend you for doing so. It's not easy. 
However, being here, you will get to meet people who have overcome this problem. 
Please reach out to the commander in chief HHM, who somewhere in his day he will find time to talk to you (where he has time, I have no idea but somehow he'll give you all the time in the world) 
He has helped hundreds and he can help you too. 

One thing to keep in mind, for many people here, this isn't a yetzer harah per se. It's more of a way of regulation your chemical balance. It's a fix. Sometimes people do it when they are down/stressed/nervous/excited etc. 
As you mentioned, you are a good Jew. So why in this case you seem to struggle but you wouldn't chas veshalom eat pork. 

I'm happy to shmooze anytime. You can contact me in my info below. 
By shmoozing and texting the winners here who have won this battle, you will learn that you too can smash this challenge. And love a fully clean life. 

Stay on here and keep sharing your journey. 
With lots of love
Od Yossef Chai

thanks very much, the thing is it is a taivah. Sometimes i cant think of anything and im going crazy trying to fight it, sometimes i win, but often not. The longest clean streak i had was 20 days and then i somehow failed. i couldnt even place my finger on what i did wrong. I would love to beat this, what did you do?

please everyone send in advice get involved etc, already gotten chizzuk from reading peoples messages

shmuel613 wrote on 03 Apr 2025 09:57:

It seems like the yetzer hara is trying to destroy you with guilt. Please read Appendix A in the back of The Battle of the Generation, and then read the book. (Link is below in my signature. There is a pdf, printed copy, or ai audiobook available.) 

shmuel613 wrote on 03 Apr 2025 09:57:

Welcome!

You should take a picture of this post. Frame it. And hang it on your wall. That'll be the "before" picture. The "after" picture is gonna knock your socks off. 

This post resonated hard. You perfectly described my feelings as a bochur (and as a married guy too.) It's like, "Well, I think I like Hashem and am committed to a Torah life. But then why do I keep on doing this horrible, disgusting aveirah that's mamash like murder and avodah zarah at the same time? It feels like I have no control and no way to stop. That must mean that I'm either 1) retarded, 2) some sort of filthy mushchis, or 3) a kofer and I just haven't realized it yet and my teshuva is the worst type of vidui peh." And then since I knew deep down none of those options were true but I still couldn't stop I just kinda gave up and assumed the struggle was hopeless (and therefore I was as well by association.) I also felt like I was the only person in the world struggling like this even though I knew logically other people must also be.

It's a really lousy way to feel.
Ready for a couple chiddushim? 1) You're normal. 2) You're a good guy. 3) Your struggle is actually something pretty impressive. 4) You've been trying to fix a broken wall with some nails and your forehead instead of a hammer. But now, IT'S HAMMER TIME.

"Teshuva" per se is not a great refuah for someone who struggles seriously with this. What is a great refuah are things like honesty, connection, accountability, positivity, etc. 

I strongly recommend these four steps.
1) Connect to a mentor for chizzuk and daily accountability (I'm sure someone will come along a pop a list of emails in here soon).
2) Commit to filtering up the devices you have easy access to. Even if it's embarrassing or tough. Commit. I would also include learning how to distract yourself from fantasy in this as a "filter" for your mind.
3) Start reading the Battle of the Generation (link in my signature) and learn to reframe your normal and healthy urges as a chance to bring nachas and closeness to Hashem.
4) Get pumped! You've taken the hardest step. You've reached out for help. Forgive yourself for the past, and commit for the future. You got this.

@choosemyshem thanks for the support(liked the hammer mashal btw)  
i still cant imagine im normal tbh it just doesnt make sense and i cant imagine how i couuld ever do teshuvah

the steps seem like great advice, do you know where i can get a mentor?
I thought about asking one of my friends to check in on me etc but the idea was way to embarrassing - probably better if it is someone i dont know

If I may suggest, I think this is the yetzer hara talking trying to get you in a mindset of יאוש.
your not such a bad guy, just a biologically healthy male in a sexually unhinged society.
Besides, God has a lot of capital to invest, don’t worry about him

as far as strategies go, do you have filtering and accountability software like webchaver on your devices? Since you are in yeshiva, do you need a smart phone? Maybe you can get away with the flip phone that is kosher

harzlacha! (And shkoyach for tackling this before you get married )

Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
There are many tools here to help you in this fight. 
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program (click here for an explanation of what the vaad is), and the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframin' the struggle, as you mentioned.
Posting is a great way to connect, learn, and grow also. 
(The Hall of Fame Thread is a great compilation of some the great threads on GYE.)

There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, as has been mentioned, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com,   Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com iwantlife - iwantlifegye@proton.me minhamayim - minhamayim1@gmail.com amevakesh - amevakesh23@gmail.com

Keep postin', you'll see, the oilam is here for you.

Lookin' forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

shmuel613 wrote on 03 Apr 2025 13:54:

Your matzav resonates with me as I am a bachur that was in your situation. I was helped by the mentors and Materials on Gye, but continued to fall. Then a bachur reached out to me offering to be a kesher for regular contact. That helped immensely. 
Feel free to pm me or reach out via the contact info below. With proper support you can get out of this. 

captain wrote on 03 Apr 2025 13:31:

Hi,

Where can I get the audiobook. can u pls provide link?

Tnx!

shmuel613 wrote on 03 Apr 2025 13:54:

Forget about teshuva for awhile. When you're clean for a long time you can think about teshuva again (and that time will come sooner than you think.) I'm not gonna argue with you whether you are normal are not. I mean, I don't know you. You could be an absolute retard But. If we go by statistics, the number of bachurim in the exact same position you are in should show you are normal. Aderaba, you took a step many of them are afraid to take. Sounds pretty normal to me.

The list ProudYungerman are all guys who've been where you are, gotten through it, and give generously of their time to help others. You cannot go wrong by reaching out to any of them.

Asking a friend can be very helpful, although it is indeed terribly embarrassing and can potentially backfire. 

jubilantfalcon18 wrote on 03 Apr 2025 14:55:

Here you go Brother:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1PxKjjRoWypUjPm4aaDE7GMNs6K7kiY0J?usp=sharing


The audiobook download link is from here if you have any issues with the above link:
The Battle of the Generation

Hatzlacha!

BenHashemBH wrote on 03 Apr 2025 15:20:

Thank you!!