hello everyone,
so hard to decide...do I want to stop? continue? it's sometimes so obvious. sometimes so unsure. like I want to leave myself an out. I feel like I am leaving myself behind. but.....I don't want to be this guy forever. 

It's hard to accept on a personal level what we know on an intellectual level. This nisoyon makes us live a double life which is really living two half lives. We don't realize how handicapped we are from the psychological affects of porn and masturbation.
   It's our friend that helped us deal with things in life, we used it to fall asleep, deal with stress, anxiety, boredom, depression, lonliness...
The part we don't see is that it actually is the opposite of a friend that helps. The cycle is that we get an emotion that's hard to deal with so we turn toward porn and masturbation. This semi numbs us for a fleeting moment and appears to fight off the emotion. But what happened to the things causing those emotions? They weren't dealt with, they're still there. So you effectively are just pushing off the emotions which will resurface even stronger once the euphoria of lust runs out. Then we turn towards Lust again but need something stronger to numb ourselves. Then the emotions are again being pushed off and compounding, then we try to erase them with Lust, then the emotions come back... until we're so numb by Lust that we are just numb from Life.

    You may feel that your leaving part of yourself behind, but I say that you're becoming who you actually are. Stepping away from the double half life and entering the single life of yourself. There's an amazing feeling once free of our "friend" Lust.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

It can sometimes be hard for a person to decide what they really, really want. It can be especially hard to desire to be sober at a time that you don't even know what exactly it is like to leave drunkenness behind. My friend, perhaps having an objective person to talk to would help you figure out what you really want?
Wishing you all the best,
Eerie