I'm 2 days away from 30, bh for the most part I feel it's going easy (don't want to let my guard down) my plan right now is to try to copy others on the forums and try to post somewhat regularly and get to meet real people. I'm clearly not as proactive as others in either area but those are my plans for now. 

I appreciate the support

Good morming! Keep on going have a great day and much hatLocho!
You are the best! A soldier of Hashem!

I am trying to post regularly and sometimes will just be a thought. 

In today's Tanya Perek 26 begins that just as it is in a physical war/fight if one opponent is lazy and depressed he will be easily overcome, so to in the spiritual battle against the YH he can't win with depression rather with simcha.

Not easy when we're in a bad mood but good thing to keep in mind.

Hi all who read this, I officially reached 30 days it's not major and I've done I in the past but this time there are differences. My attitude was a fight against last so I was much more careful of where I'm looking everywhere and anywhere, I also am telling myself this can't happen again and I'm trying to be honest with others and post on the forum.
I got alot of inspiration from other threads and I hope to continue on and on.

I learned an very interesting sicha tonight, a siyum on meseches bava basra. Chelek 26 Mishpotim 1
The Gemara speaks about a guarantor after the fact and uses as a example of a lender choking a borrower and a 3rd person passes by and says leave him and I will pay the debt and there's a machlokes whether that is enough. The Rebbe explains that the Golus (read struggle) is choking us and Hashem I the guarantor, we just need to demand that Hashem see our pain.

Hey just wanted to update that I'm still here, Thursday night could have been bad my wife wasn't around but bh I behaved.

Just wanted to update bh I'm at 35 some days can get hard...

First time seeing this thread, I wasn't so active here lately, besides for a few minutes here and there...

Brother, you're an inspiration, being honest with yourself and admitting to not being honest, is real hoesty!!!
Keep on fighting, connecting with true friends, non-judgmental people, whom you'll feel comfortable sharing freely the darkest secrets of your life, is truly a game changer, helps one validate himself and regain his sanity, and see that after all he really is a regular normal human being!!!

Rooting for you, KOMT!!!
with love Akiva

Early chassidim resolved in their souls to refrain from anything that is permissible (by Torah law) but for which they felt a desire and urge. This breaks the passion.

A lesson I take from this is that it's important to start early before the next step is considered a fall. In the past I allowed myself to look here and there because it's anyways not a fall and I anyways can't not look where I'm walking... but now I'm trying to implement that I don't look even if it's "allowed".

Still going, feels like it is going to get harder.

Had a really nice conversation with reb akiva and I would love to get to know others but I'm not always good at reaching out.

Lately I've been feeling like it's a matter of seconds before I can fall again. BH I'm at 36 days and I know I can't let myself fall but when I'm driving I am constantly taking a second look and looking around and my mind is also starting to wander, it's not so easy to push away anymore. I don't have the feeling that I want to act out (I have had this in the past) I think it's more a feeling of I can't control myself.

Update: I wrote this earlier today which is how I was feeling then bh now I'm feeling much better but this feeling from earlier I'm afraid will be back.

Wow I could really relate to that  felt the same way from like day 35ish for a bunch of days.  Don't have much of an aitsah besides for always remember that your a yidddddddddddd

Feeling a bit blah, started slipping last night and today and in a blah mood.

I'll continue to fight but now I'm not in tthe mood to fix my mood...

Keep trying........

Gut voch. 

In a better mood then the last time I posted.
still trying and have good hopes for this week