Bh were still rrockin. This shabbos was my longest streak for sure in the last 2 years!!!  Thank you hashem and thank you to his shluchim @minhamayim @michelgelner @muttel @ eerie  and to the the other wonderful chevra out here you guys are the only reaon it was possible !!! 

Yishtabach shimo !!! We're clean  slowly wiping off the shmuts of my tattered neshamo .    Going to meet muttel   the most nervous so just posting.    Not sure y I'm nervous though or y I'm posting  

R muttel not sure y I was nervous your the most relaxed guy ever !  

Just to clarify someone was meorier me that there's a lot of sadness in my username  so just to clarify #1 I am very sad. But there's a vort I heard from r Ephraim waxman that made me pick this name and I'm sure others could relate to this feeling.   When mordechai told ester to go to achashvairosh she didn't want to and mutchai told this could be this is your tafkid so she sed shell go knowing that not just was she losing her oiloms hazeh cuz she didn't want to be with achashvairosh (it was the first time she initiated ) and now she was basically saying she s married to him but she also realized she's giving up her shair in the world to come (cause she's not gonna be a oines shes willingly going to have relations with him)  yet she sed if this is the right thing ill do it then after fasting for3 days she comes to the melech in dread. All the sudden she feels her ruach hakoidesh slipping away from her and she cries KAILEY LAMAH AZAVTUNI y are you leaving me....       We all had those moments when we sed hashem that's it I'm becoming a kadosh and we felt the touch of hashem caressing us whispering in our ear I'm going to help you, but then whether it was an hour a day a week or a month we face a massive nisayon(everyone kfiy how far they fell ). And we screamed KAILEY LAMAH AZAVTUNI but it didn't help and we were nichshal ....      

And after the fall he did not forsake us either.
He is lovingly waiting with open arms to take us back.
He sees all the effort put in and that brings him immense nachas!

I love your posts! Please keep it up!

R Jolly solly !!! btw I did not fall yet if that was understood from my post.   In other news taking child for procedure and whenever I don't sleep normally  I have urges that day  they sort of already started..  so posting for accountability. Imh well post in the afternoon with success!!!!

Just reading through here, @lamaazavtuni, 'twas great meeting you!!!!

Imy"h you'll get through this and be able to live a life of kedusha and tahara!

With a ton of brotherly love,
Muttel

Thanks brother muttel !!  Still in hospital urges getting stronger...    will post success imh

Didnt post cause had to clarify   basically I put myself in to a makom nisayon but didn't fall  so had too speak with my chaverim here before posting the psak .so bless the holy Lord still clean streak still going , one more night till 30 !!! Ligit exited feal like I got a new lease on life!!!! 

Hey

Good to hear you're going strong despite some urges along the way.  30 is a milestone remember to celebrate the wins.

lamaazavtuni wrote on 31 Jan 2025 04:36:

I remember and likely will always remember where I was when I spoke to HHM on day 30. The simcha of that day rivals any happy day I've experienced (wedding, children, etc).

30 days is no different than 300, or 3000! You got this bro, and Mazel Tov!!!

Muttel

Wow shkoich to the gantze gye mishpacha  I HIT 30 !!!!!!!!!!    I know it's just the start  , now though I have the confidence to take it to the future  .    Simches by all !!

Wasnt sure had to remove that spoiler  lol

Chakeeya for the oilom . when it's going easy is that the calm before the storm.  Or it's how it's normally supposed to be?               Hope for many more calm  days!!!!!  

There's no concept in these things that the calm is somehow connected to tough days coming. There will beH be many calm days, and there will probably be tough days as well. But you, my dear friend, are even tougher! And you have friends to fall back on, we've got your back!