Hi People

Hopefully someone will find this and reply and give me some chizuk.  Struggled with P & M issues since the age of 12, nearly 40 now. I'm married very happily have kids and really lack nothing that I can think of BH.  However, I have this problem that just never seems to go away.  If not for chassidishe sforim like Lekutei Maharan, Yismach Yisroel, Nesivos Sholom and some others too I dont know where I'd be.  I look like anyone else, beard, payos chassidish kleider, I learn a lot, daf yomi, dirshu, Sukka B'iyun but still have this problem that just wont go away.  Maybe the longest I ever went with P&M was 2 months a few years ago but fell back into it.  Last year I started getting into webcams, really really bad thing.  It went from just looking at other people lowering themselves to actually chatting to someone.  I never told my wife about that, I think she'd be devestated.  But this year before Rosh Hashona I put a new filter on my smartphone, everything blocked and for two weeks it was bliss.  But then a day or two after sukkas for some reason and I cannot really understand what was going through my head I went on my wifes computer which doesnt have a filter and found a Zoina near me.  I contacted them and had two encounters.  It was the first time I did that and the feeling was crushing.  I felt like my neshoma tehora was sucked out of my body.  There was zero enjoyment and i dont know why i did it.  I am struggling to come to terms with what Ive done and feel the lowest ive ever felt.  This is ultimately where this taava can lead and im very ashamed.  NEED CHIZUK please 

My dear friend, yosefms, you have just joined the most amazing family on earth! We are here for you, we care for you, and we will do anything to help you get past these struggles.
My friend, you really can get past these things, like so many of us have. Please stick around, learn the ropes, and most importantly connect. You are in a quite dangerous spot right now, and you really don't want to destroy the beautiful life you have built for yourself. My friend, you should reach out ASAP to HHM michelgelner@gmail.com. Feel free to email me at the email in my signature if you think I can help you in any way, or even if you're just looking for a friend

Welcome to the greatest community in the world. This is a family that gives warmth, where everyone is here to help each other.

Please do yourself a Huge favor and follow harav r' EERIE'S advice, reach out to HHM ASAP and you'll get yourself in shape.
Also it's definitely recommended to have more than one person to be able to talk to at any given time just in case one is not available, it's good to have a friend who's there with an open ear to whom you can vent to and say everything that's on your heart and mind, the friends here are all non judgemental and will really understand your struggles.

So please reach out to some more people as well just as a good friend, like EERIE or MUTTEL or all the other great people here on GYE.

Keep it up and keep us posted.
With love akiva 

Welcome to the community.

You are in the right place and if you follow along here you'll get the help you need.

I am also Chassidish and married with multiple kids and since joining almost three years ago I am BH clean from P&M and my life has changed a lot.

You can reach out to me or message me with any questions, keep strong and there is hope and light at the end.

Welcome R' Yosef,

Echoing the oilam's words, your struggle, though difficult, isn't unique, and many others have broken free. You can too!!!

Muttel

yosefms wrote on 05 Nov 2024 17:25:

Welcome Reb Yosef!

I too throw my spade in with the above posters who warmly welcomed you and encouraged you to reach out - you will not regret it. The struggle is difficult and we can all relate. You are not alone. 

If I may add one point.

The theme of your post seems to be a request for chizuk. Chizuk to help alleviate your uncomfortable feelings. You wrote that you feel low and ashamed. Chizuk is great for when we are still struggling within relatively "normal" parameters. However, once things progress (as is the tendency of addictive behavior) and spiral towards even riskier and dangerous stuff, it may be time to acknowledge that good old fashioned chizuk just won't cut it. 

HELP, is what we need, asap. 

What will cut it? That is what GYE is here to help you discover. Hope you find it!

yosefms wrote on 05 Nov 2024 17:25:


Reb yid
Climb in. The water is warm. 

Welcome aboard. 
We are so happy to have you and we are happy that you shared your story. 
You might think (or may have thought in the past ) that the challenge we are dealing with here is only for blue shirt/clean shaven people, of which I may or may not be a member of (I don't want to give away my identity!) 
It can affect all people regardless of length of beard/payos/jacket/shmone esre! 

There isn't a 'type' that is or isn't immune to this issue. 

But luckily for you, the chevra here are sweet and welcoming and we all look forward to getting to know you and hearing more about your story. 

Feel free to reach out to me, but DEFINITELY reach out to the super, unelected, presidents of GYE (HHM, Chaim oigen, Eerie, sorry if I left anyone out) and get to know them and everyone else here. 

The more you get involved, the more likely you are to succeed. 

You can always PM me if you need someone to complain to! I love a fellow grump/kvetcher.

May Hashem guide you on your new journey here and may you see a lot of Hatzlacha. 

To echo youknowwho's very salient point. I noticed the seforim you mentioned, I still remember when I discovered Nesivos Shalom  in my litvishe yeshiva, it was the first time I was able to get 'chizzuk', as you say, in these inyanim; it's safe to say that that Sefer really saved my life, it gave me hope, with its emphasis on teshuva me'ahava etc. That being said, until 3 months ago, I was still drowning in my problems, with no amount of chizzuk changing that. So yes, you definitely need help as did I, but BH you're where help is, and we're all rooting for you here. I'll reiterate the call to reach out to HHM, he's the beginning of the rest of many people's lives here, and IYH he'll be yours too!

Feeling your pain,
iwantlife

yosefms wrote on 05 Nov 2024 17:25:

Thank you for coming here and opening up.  It is possible to overcome this.  I struggled for longer and fell much deeper. Bh I am clean now for about three years and I don’t miss it.  It sounds like you are financially secure. If so, in addition to the advice here, you might want to invest in seeing a sex addiction trained  therapist.  I did that and learned a lot about myself. It was probably the best investment I ever made.  

feel free to reach out to me privately. 

best wishes 
vehkam

Yes agreed, help was the correct word.  BH Reb Eerie reached out and we've already spoken today and I look forward to speaking to him again tomorrow.  

Thanks so much Reb Eerie dived in to help me and we've already spoken definitely feeling the vibe of this family.  You guys are amazing

Thank you for diving in to help me today.  I'm just trying to analyse my feelings before I say Shema and I definitely am starting to feel better about myself.  Looking forward to speaking tomorrow.  

Thank you so much. I appreciate it massively.  I will take you up on the offer to kvetch at some point.

vehkam wrote on 05 Nov 2024 22:52:

I'd like to throw my welcome in too!
Seems like you're already taking the right steps to get yourself help.

So, to respond to your request for chizuk check out vehkam's thread here. There you will be inspired and come to understand that you too can break free and start to soar!!

Looking forward to seeing great things from you!

Hello to everyone,

I was in a very bad when I wrote my post a few days ago and although it helped me to write out all my struggles and downfalls you also end up feeling very vulnerable as I'm sure everyone can relate to.  Even though it's anonymous you are still sharing the most private, sensitive and unflattering parts of your life in a public space.    Boruch Hashem so many people reached out and restored my faith in myself which was utterly lost just by being positive and realising that a person can always fix themselves.  I've now booked an appointment at tag to install a filter on the offending device which is long overdue and feeling much better about myself for doing it.  A big shout out to Eerie for being incredible!