moderators; please edit.
This is the first time I've written anything here, but I feel I could use some chizuk.
​i have had a generic introduction to p&m. As a 9th grader I was pretty shielded, so when I had a small dumbphone (unfiltered) in 10th grade, all it took was a curious moment and I got pulled in. The takeaway from that I guess is don't think that " it'it's too small a screen, there's no way anyone will do anything inappropriate with it."
the Yetzer Hara is as powerful as the Fighter in you, which, by definition means that  the more you grow spiritually, the more your Yetzer grows with you. I was no exception. And not only did I find the occasional device lying around my house, but I had a particular nisayon with a specific individual which I only escaped from by Hashem's Chesed in tying my tongue so I'd say just the right thing to scare said nisayon (hopefully) far far away from me. Albeit leaving me feeling in retrospect quite silly for going into  that evening with a feeling of " laasos Milachto" that I just needed to confront it, no matter whether in a healthy way or a more dangerous way; I had thought I'd end up having going with the more dangerous route, but Hashem had other plans.
​post that fateful night , that unique situation got easier.
That's aside from a different hiccup in that unique situation which rendered our time together much less frequent, just *coincidentally* (again, thank you Hashem).
The Hirhurim don't go away on their own, (no matter how much you think that yeshiva is a midbar, its only as good as the lack of access in this insane world to phones, no matter the kaskrus of them- phone calls can do it too, as I saw someone else mention,) and neither does my addiction to P&M.
So that's why I'm here- to try to mitigate my feelings of yiush as an incorrigible taavvah monster, and focus more on each day as it comes.
Please feel free to offer your thoughts, chizuk and any advice you have for an unmarried bochur struggling with enhanced levels of taavah.
​(as you can tell im still too embarrassed to go into pretty much any detail. Not sure what's considered appropriate, even with the anonymity. Guidance would be appreciated) 

Welcome to the family, Sushi! This an amazing place, where we care about each other, and we are here to help each other in any way we can, and together we can beH break free from all these things. Stick around, read up, and if you are really bold, reach out to some guys who can help you along. Muttel (muttel15@gmail.com), or Proudyungerman, (proudyungerman@gmail.com) are great people who can guide you, share chizuk and help you break free, forever.
Looking forward to hearing more from you!

Firstly, taking the step of writing is a huge accomplishment! 
Next, realize that you are far from the only bochur in the 'midbar' that you attend struggling with this issue. If you have a Rebbi that you are close to, and trust, speak to him.  The younger me wishes I took this advice. You can also reach out to one of the mentor on this platform. They really want to help you!
One last point, understand that this generation was thrown into a nisayon with zero education, making you a complete oinus. Which means you need to remind yourself you are a tzaddik looking to grow, and that you are definitely not a bad person just because you have this nisayon.
Hashem loves us, and Bezras Hashem you will be victorious!

Hi,this is so so painful to read, in addition I'm also a bochur currently learning in yeshiva so i very much resonate with ur post!
Just know you have come to the wright place, and freedom is imyh soon !!The feeling of yiush is normal but just know that you are very very holy and hashem is with you even though its so hard to feel.Some great resources are the flight to freedom program and the battle of the generation book.
Another thing is making connection with people on gye that really kills the yetzah hara and makes the struggle much easier,(im availibile to become a partner with you lmk if interested)

From a fellow bochur

anonymousushi wrote on 26 Sep 2024 23:52:

Read the threads and be inspired by others who have reported phenomenal results in their struggle with the challenges that bachurim typically face. One of the dominant themes that are repeated are to avoid triggers and to nip the urge on the bud. Once you’re in the clutches of lust, it’s hard to win the battle. While your hormones may be blazing, you can channel your passions into other areas. This will serve as a diversion, and you won’t be overpowered by the lust that stifles bachurim from living serene healthy lives. 

Welcome. Keep posting. Get to know the chevra here. Be proud you had the courage to emerge from the shadows. May Hashem shower you with hatzlocha.

Welcome brother, such pain to read your story….

Feel the support of the family here, and use it to propel yourself to greatness!

Looking forward to getting to know you,
Muttel

anonymousushi wrote on 26 Sep 2024 23:52:

Hey there R' Sushi how's it going? We haven't heard from you for a while.

PS I am amazed on the strenth you had to take the move you mentioned above. Wow. It may have been a while back but please give yourself a pat on the back from me.

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 19 Nov 2024 22:44:

Yes, indeed, how are you?

Welcome and much Hatzlochah!

Wow, thanks everyone for checking in to see how I'm doing. That's really quite heartwarming. It's also greatly needed, as having a chaver or 3 to be accountable to probably will be Mich more helpful than trying to brute force on my own.
​to answer, I've still been struggling nightly, and although I've had a couple clean days, they've been mostly overshadowed by the dysfunction of my not having a bekiyus chavrusa, and
Having gotten involved with an online chatroom, I've been having a hard time showing up for minyanim as well.
​definitly a significant low point. I spoke with HHM for a minute, but didn't call him back yet. (Before you all yell at meme to do it already what am I waiting for, I think I can say I'm the scaredest of talking to other people in person about these topics.- honestly it hasn't all been a bad thing as I can't really talk shmutz well either - my tounge might be the most kadosh part about me- lmk if that resonates  )
P.s. (Maybe someone can also tell me how to get this autosave to stop doubling every word I type?)
(AlsAlso what does warningwarning spoiler mean exacexactly?)
Thanks! Will try to uupdate more regularly. Please continue to bother me about it.

Thanks for the update.

I had a hard time figuring out what the spoiler alert thing is until I decided to click on it. 

Oh, takka. Read the spoiler. No my names not Ushi. It was a good guess.

So bH I removed myself to a different setting with less triggers and, with daily exercising, it seems to be working better so far bH. Some minor nisyonos, but bH they were more easily overcome.
day 5 clean