Thanks for the update and bumping this often stagnant thread to the top - there were like 4 new responses today! It felt fresh again. 

Could I ask you though to write "Hasham loves you" in the future rather than the way you spelled the middle word. Most people wouldn't get what I mean, but on this thread I'd hope I'm understood better...
It was a bit ttriggering for me when I read it.
Thanks

strugglingwiththeunusual wrote on 25 Sep 2024 03:27:

I can't say that I fully understand your struggle although I know someone on the Yiddish forum who posted about it and wrote that he has this struggle because of feelings of insecurity but I think that at least most of us would have acceptance and understanding. I can understand how difficult and embarrassing it can feel to have this struggle but it is just as embarrassing for me to post about my bipolar disorder or acting out with SSA as a child or for others to post about attending massage parlors and strip clubs and yet we posted about them in order to heal.

I think most of us realize that ABDL is an illness that doesn't come to a person because he chose it and I think that if you would write about your causes for it, what your struggles are and what you are doing in order to heal we will understand. In SA they say that you can be a sponsor for someone dealing with a different struggle than yourself because the underlying reasons that cause these struggles are universal. I don't know why you have this struggle but regarding the person who posted that it was because he has this feeling of insecurity I think it is something to which we can all relate. We might not have all the answers because we don't have this struggle and there can be one or two people that can post something inappropriate out of ignorance but if you feel that sharing your struggle publicly can ease your struggle in any way I wouldn't refrain from posting. If you have a few friends on GYE with whom you are speaking in PM's then perhaps there is no reason to post.

strugglingwiththeunusual wrote on 25 Sep 2024 03:33:

I did it by mistake that spelling I just edited that post and fixed that word I'm really sorry about that

if you or anyone else sees anything about my me or my posts that can triggers please let me know

I'm here to get helped and to help others how much i can but i dont want its should come out any damage to anyone

yitzchokm wrote on 25 Sep 2024 05:12:

Thanks for this nice post
I'm the one you are talking about from the Yiddish forum my nickname there is "צוועלעף אזייגער" and I can totally agree with your post

When I came the first time to my dayen and I explained him that i struggle with ABDL and I eexplained him wwhat ABDL is all about he right away told me I need to see a sex aaddict theropist i was like this is not sexual stuff (even though I knew well that I was P&M) he told me it's the same underlying problem amd b"h im at a sex addiction theropist for the lest 14 months or so with good results on ABDL and with P&M and other stuff as well

But from the other hand side i know very well how its feels much different than the other struggles from this site even though I'm much more open to this feelings in these days

I'll give you one example where ABDL is totally different than sex addiction 
When 2 sex addicts are talking for the first time to each other is it usually in things they are acting out and it's tough for them to share personal things about it (besides if one of the persons are in help and knows how to share or make the otherone to talk)

When 2 ABDLs are getting in touch for the first time will the conversation usually go around deep feelings or things they didn't had whom to share it with. Of course the acting out will also take a big portion of the talk but they will have a very very deep and open talk with very tightly trust to each other. This is something I've never seen or heard of in sex addiction 

Try the chevra here. I forecast that you will be accepted and you will not  be dismissed. For the record, by definition, there is no "mainstream GYE members". How this issue manifests itself varies tremendously - each guy has his own challenge - some very not typical. Hatzlocha.

I have been exposed to all sorts of sexual distortions many of which interested me and some that did not. My recovery included speaking to people etc but had very little focus on any of the specific interests that I had. Therapy was very helpful for me to get a better understanding of my personal inclinations that is really the only place that I dug deep into what I had been doing.  Everything else really only involved forward thinking and putting my life in proper perspective.   

If your sexual distortions took you into abdl then I imagine it was an exhilarating escape followed  by  intense shame. Rinse and repeat.  Most of us can relate to these feelings.  

Best wishes
vehkam

Since Hashem Help Me keeps encouraging to post about this struggle it must be the right thing to do. Not that he needs my haskama but rather that it is an eye-opener for me as to what would be the best thing to do. I don't know what is behind each person here that is struggling with ABDL but my guess is that there are a lot of unprocessed emotions. Posting about it publicly can actually ease the burden a lot and make it much easier to handle.

I has sexual PTSD and I posted about it and healed because of that. I had to delete my post because it had identifying details but it worked. Generally speaking, PTSD does not heal simply by talking about it so I am not suggesting to post about PTSD. For me it was all I needed but it doesn't usually work. If there is anything else that you believe that posting about it will help then I would do so.

For all the talk of loneliness, I think we do have some comfort in talking with other Yidden even if we all hiding behind a screen. and even if you say were in the corner of GYE. It is amazing that we can all share our growth and experience. And thank you all for bringing this thread back to life. 

einanilimili wrote on 04 Jun 2023 04:10:

Hey all
This was my first message on this site
I never thought that this is related to my other kadusha struggles
I never thought that ill ever get my life in a position of holding me back from going down the hill 
I'm coming from a life of seeing me that I'll either finish my life in prison or in other places 

B"h hashem brought me to this site and showed me the way on theropy 
rn I'm cleen for 358 days of measturbating and there are alot of other things that I'm getting better with

I got healed of alot of the ABDL things especially of the AB part 
its not like a feeling that i always had that "now" I don't need it, because in that cases the triggers are usually coming back and hitting much harder
I'm feeling like itsit's not such a part of me anymore

on the other hend I'm continuing fully with the DL part as my therapist told me to do and b"h over the time I feel like some parts of it i don't need any more and of course in the past year I never felt that I'm going crazy and totally out of my mind to do things that I don't want. The entire ABDL is by now not triggering me to get eracted. I'm getting closer to my wife and kids as well

Im seeing miracles every day
My holy brother never ever give up in any kind of situation you are, dosnt  matter where you are coming from and how much you belive in yourself and how many times you already tried in so many ways and how much you see yourself so different than others

great to see you putting this away. one step at a time.

I'm so happy to hear this! Thank you for sharing.

Amazing!!!
Keep Flying!

I Put a post in "introducing yourself" called:not sure what's going on. I was told to post it here, but I don't know how to do the copy and pasting thing on this app. so if anyone knows anything about that topic that'd be appreciated. Thank you!