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TOPIC: my strugle 2140 Views

Re: my strugle 29 Sep 2024 13:59 #422592

Happy to hear that and I wish you great luck picking back up!

I know how it feels when the YH tries to make us feel like shmucks for what we do. His only goal is to pull us down further and further.

Re: my strugle 29 Sep 2024 14:02 #422593

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Agree with everything sssl. Hashem is in the struggle with us. He understands our struggle better than we do. You cant look only at the fall you have to look also at all the hard work that preceded it and understand that you are on a path that will break free of this. That is a HUGE difference.
Nothing good grows in the dark. 

Re: my strugle 29 Sep 2024 14:24 #422595

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Good morning!

I commend your ability to write about your falls, like you have written about your truimphs. This shows you genuinely want to change and that you are in it to win it Bezras Hashem!

After falling you question the ability to ask for another year. I want to share a piece I heard from HHM (kdai to call him if you havent yet). The first thing he told me was I need to realize I am good person. A great person, actually. I daven everyday. I learn. I am a frum Yid. I try to fulfill the mitzvos. Ect. Aiy, you struggle with P and M? You were brought up in a generation with a nisayon so great, and zero education. The topic was (pretty much still is) taboo. It's a stigma to talk about it. Noone sat you down at 12 years old to guide you. You were left in a stormy ocean with zero resources. Yes, you need to overcome it, and Bezras Hashem you will. NO, this struggle does not define who you are. Just the opposite. The fact that you are willing to fight. The fact that you aare a Gibbor, enough to come onto GYE and put out your story, to try and overcome the YH. This defines you. The Eibishter no doubt is looking down at you Empowereowl90, and saying what a Gibbor, what a Tzaddik. Let me give him even more so he can succeed!

Hatzlocha!!! You got this!!!
There is nothing like a friend. Need someone to talk to? Hit me up at: eiyantov90@gmail.com

My Story:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/420910-Lets-go-and-let-go%21

Re: my strugle 29 Sep 2024 15:46 #422600

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empoweredowl90 wrote on 29 Sep 2024 13:19:
last night i fell i l felt terrible.
How can i ask hashem for a year of life when he granted my request last year and i wasted it.
Instead of letting hashem in i repeatedly kicked him out.
Instead of using my limbs to praise hashem i abused them.
HOW CAN I NOW GO ASK FOR ANOTHER YEAR OF LIFE?
Instead of using my brain to learn the holy torah,i spent hours trying to get passed filters.
Instead of using my mouth to get close to hashem,i used it to distance myself.
Instead of using my eyes to enjoy hashems beautiful world,i used it to repeatedly poison my neshamah.
HOW CAN I NOW GO ASK FOR ANOTHER YEAR OF LIFE?
Instead of using my hands to put on the holy tefillin,i used them to feed my desires.
Instead of thanking hashem for all the Bracha he gave to me i only complained.
Instead of enjoying time with family,i wished for them to leave so could lock myself in the bathroom and feed my desires.
HOW CAN I NOW GO ASK FOR ANOTHER YEAR OF LIFE?

Hashem in his abundant of mercy gave me the month of Ellul for teshuvah but 
Instead of thinking about ways to do teshuvah,i was lazy.
Instead of davining so hard since my life is on the line, I spaced out.
Instead of making/fixing gedarim i was breaking them.
HOW CAN I NOW GO ASK FOR ANOTHER YEAR OF LIFE?

Then pain in this post brought me to tears…. Buddy, I know the pain of self disgust….. I’ve said this so many years of my life…….

Stick around. Your journey won’t be easy and won’t necessarily come without bumps, but the people here with provide amazing support. You’ll be able to see yourself in a more objective, positive way…

Imyh you will beat the damned beast!

Here’s a hug…
Muttel
We're in this struggle together; feel free to reach out! 
Muttel15@gmail.com

Feel free to call/text! (908) 251-9590 (google)

Check out my thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/413043-My-ENTIRE-story#413043

Re: The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S 29 Sep 2024 22:53 #422623

Sholom aleychem,
I commend you and your assistance to those of us who are currently embroiled in the struggle against desire. Seeking info about the book that you mentioned in the footer.
Thanks and continued hatzlacha in your journey

Re: The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S 29 Sep 2024 23:30 #422626

hi plonyalmani how are you?im not sure what book you are talking about.

Re: The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S 30 Sep 2024 01:40 #422631

well today is day 1...............

Re: The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S 30 Sep 2024 01:43 #422632

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Go, go, go! You got this buddy!!! Praying for you!!!
There is nothing like a friend. Need someone to talk to? Hit me up at: eiyantov90@gmail.com

My Story:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/420910-Lets-go-and-let-go%21

Re: The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S 01 Oct 2024 01:35 #422689

Thanks for all the replays they mean the world to me,today is day 2 soooo..............yeh!
i kind of feel like this is a never-ending losing battle the only question is how hard u lose .I know intellectually its not true but feel that way.On a similar note how do go from knowing something to feeling it.For example i know hashem loves me but simply just don't feel it.

Re: The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S 01 Oct 2024 02:41 #422690

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Dear brother empoweredowl90, 
I would like tosuggest two things, if I can. 
A. Every night or everymorning review in your mind a list ofpositive things Hashem has given you. The longer, the better. Eventually you will actually feel the love. 
B. A battle fought alone, is analmost impossible battle. The biggest favoryoucan do for yourselfis call HHM. I called him 9 days ago. It's been a lifechanger having someone to talk to. To coach you. To encourage you. To hold you accountable. To believe in you. To pulsate hope through your veins. If you need, call from a blocked number (like I did) I guarantee you will not have regrets. 

Keep strong Tzadik!
There is nothing like a friend. Need someone to talk to? Hit me up at: eiyantov90@gmail.com

My Story:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/420910-Lets-go-and-let-go%21

Re: The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S 01 Oct 2024 03:02 #422691

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whywatch wrote on 01 Oct 2024 02:41:
Dear brother empoweredowl90, 
I would like tosuggest two things, if I can. 
A. Every night or everymorning review in your mind a list ofpositive things Hashem has given you. The longer, the better. Eventually you will actually feel the love. 
B. A battle fought alone, is analmost impossible battle. The biggest favoryoucan do for yourselfis call HHM. I called him 9 days ago. It's been a lifechanger having someone to talk to. To coach you. To encourage you. To hold you accountable. To believe in you. To pulsate hope through your veins. If you need, call from a blocked number (like I did) I guarantee you will not have regrets. 

Keep strong Tzadik!

Boy do I second this one!!
HHM helped me see the real me, and to believe in it to boot!

It's a call that you wont regret.
You can reach out via email at michelgelner@gmail.com
Hatzlacha!
Feel free to reach out and say hi!
proudyungerman@gmail.com
406-219-8398

My Journey:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/406231-The-Real-Me

Re: The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S 01 Oct 2024 11:52 #422710

Thanks for all the Chizek will defiantly consider the advice Thanks!!

Re: The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S 02 Oct 2024 03:55 #422753

Day 3!!!

Re: my strugle 02 Oct 2024 04:53 #422757

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empoweredowl90 wrote on 29 Sep 2024 13:19:
last night i fell i l felt terrible.
How can i ask hashem for a year of life when he granted my request last year and i wasted it.
Instead of letting hashem in i repeatedly kicked him out.
Instead of using my limbs to praise hashem i abused them.
HOW CAN I NOW GO ASK FOR ANOTHER YEAR OF LIFE?
Instead of using my brain to learn the holy torah,i spent hours trying to get passed filters.
Instead of using my mouth to get close to hashem,i used it to distance myself.
Instead of using my eyes to enjoy hashems beautiful world,i used it to repeatedly poison my neshamah.
HOW CAN I NOW GO ASK FOR ANOTHER YEAR OF LIFE?
Instead of using my hands to put on the holy tefillin,i used them to feed my desires.
Instead of thanking hashem for all the Bracha he gave to me i only complained.
Instead of enjoying time with family,i wished for them to leave so could lock myself in the bathroom and feed my desires.
HOW CAN I NOW GO ASK FOR ANOTHER YEAR OF LIFE?

Hashem in his abundant of mercy gave me the month of Ellul for teshuvah but 
Instead of thinking about ways to do teshuvah,i was lazy.
Instead of davining so hard since my life is on the line, I spaced out.
Instead of making/fixing gedarim i was breaking them.
HOW CAN I NOW GO ASK FOR ANOTHER YEAR OF LIFE?

You had me crying 
this what i feel like without being able to put it into words 
I've had a worse zman then I've had in a while between falling missing shachris then showing up to yeshiva and putting in a full day and being exhausted day in day out and feeling like a failure after it all 
I don't have much to say except that I feel youAnd I would recommend exercise and calling hhm 
much Hatzlacha 
RIDE THE WAVES.
Keep Fighting because thats why you're alive! 
Never ever give up no matter how many times you fall.
If you are about to fall call someone for chizuk.
DON'T FALL,CALL.

Check out easypeasymethod.org

My thread
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375231-looking-for-chizuk

Re: my strugle 06 Oct 2024 13:25 #422803

Hi everyone hope everyone had a meaningful rosh hashnah!!

I fell last night aughhhhh.will  get back up and build new and improve old gedarim.I feel like i am lacking meaning not sure y though im  in yeshiva learning thank Hashem very well.Also doing college program on the side.If you holy Tzadik have advice on how to add meaning please share it honestly means a lot.  



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