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TOPIC: My struggles with kedushah. 3022 Views

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 17:08 #420632

  • livingagain
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yitzchokm wrote on 02 Sep 2024 14:37:

hopefulswan89 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 14:05:

cande wrote on 02 Sep 2024 13:00:

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 28 Aug 2024 00:52:
I'm a yeshiva bochur in beis medrash.
I've been struggling with m********ing for the past few years. I hated it from the beginning and tried stopping multiple times with seforim on inyanei kedushah, and kabalos with knasos, but I never had long term success. 
Over time, I've stooped to other very low things, NOT because I had a taavah for these other things, but because one thing leads to the next. As soon as I would manage to keep sober from m********ing for a short period, these other taavos would disappear.
I'm not addicted to p****, but I'm not completely clean from it either. On the street I think I have the regular struggles of a yeshiva bochur, I try to take off my glasses before I go outside, sometimes mistakenly (or not mistakenly) see something and try to get a better look. I never had any serious taavah for pictures of p****, never found any hana'ah in pixels, but I have slipped sometimes, more out of boredom than out of taavah.
Over the past couple few  years, I've been struggling a lot in yeshivah, and while there are other things in my life that can be causing it, I feel that my slips in these areas are destroying my ruchnius.
I right now have an unfiltered computer with Linux, which isn't easy to filter. If you have any experience with Linux or the bash terminal, PLEASE HELP ME!!
I'm looking to partner with a yeshiva bochur who has similar struggles, and with a yeshiva bochur who has gotten past such struggles.

can you clarify?
"I've stooped to other very low things"
  things??
you dont have a taava for those thing??
you dont have taava for pics of pixels of nude women??
you only look @ porn when you bump into when your bored??

Why are you beating up on him? 

I sent you a PM but it doesn't seem like you are able to read it. It seems that your posts are coming across as aggressive or judgmental. It seems to me that you are trying to help people but this doesn't seem to be the way it is being perceived. It would help a lot if you would be able to give people advice based on your experience in recovery rather than scrutinizing and judging people's posts. I assume you are unaware of how your posts come across so I am writing this.

Also, I think it would be beneficial if you open a thread and write what your original struggles were. You have over 500 days clean so I assume you are in the maintenance stage but I think it may be hurting people to see a newcomer who doesn't seem to be struggling and who we don't know that he ever was like one of us preaching from the podium. If you had a previous username and you don't want people to identify it then write about your struggles in general terms in a way that your previous username can't be identified but at least write what behavior you were struggling with.

I see that you have negative karma and I am writing this as constructive criticism. I am sure that you are a very good person and you are here either to help others or so that you don't fall or both. Every new person is a blessing to the community and it is good that we have you. I am trying to give you advice so that you can post in a meaningful way that people will find helpful. Thank you very much for your understanding and please keep posting. All the best.

Can you elaborate on negative karma. What does that mean and how is that number generated 

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 17:24 #420633

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 07:43:
Stressed... need someone to talk to.

I was playing telephone tag with Hashemhelpme yesterday, we kept missing each other. We finally managed to reach each other at around 1am.
I slipped downstairs to my machsan-style-basement for some privacy. Had a long conversation. When I came back home, my mother wants to know where exactly I've been at 2:00 in the morning, and my father is out looking for me.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 17:27 #420634

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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 17:24:

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 07:43:
Stressed... need someone to talk to.

I was playing telephone tag with Hashemhelpme yesterday, we kept missing each other. We finally managed to reach each other at around 1am.
I slipped downstairs to my machsan-style-basement for some privacy. Had a long conversation. When I came back home, my mother wants to know where exactly I've been at 2:00 in the morning, and my father is out looking for me.

a convo with HHM  counts as being in the BM
May you slide down the banister of happiness and get many splinters of success up your career

Feel free to send me an owl, a howler, or even a Crumple-Horned Snorkack to Iamredfaced@gmail.com


The Red Face

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 17:28 #420635

hopefulswan89 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 17:08:

yitzchokm wrote on 02 Sep 2024 14:37:

hopefulswan89 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 14:05:

cande wrote on 02 Sep 2024 13:00:

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 28 Aug 2024 00:52:
I'm a yeshiva bochur in beis medrash.
I've been struggling with m********ing for the past few years. I hated it from the beginning and tried stopping multiple times with seforim on inyanei kedushah, and kabalos with knasos, but I never had long term success. 
Over time, I've stooped to other very low things, NOT because I had a taavah for these other things, but because one thing leads to the next. As soon as I would manage to keep sober from m********ing for a short period, these other taavos would disappear.
I'm not addicted to p****, but I'm not completely clean from it either. On the street I think I have the regular struggles of a yeshiva bochur, I try to take off my glasses before I go outside, sometimes mistakenly (or not mistakenly) see something and try to get a better look. I never had any serious taavah for pictures of p****, never found any hana'ah in pixels, but I have slipped sometimes, more out of boredom than out of taavah.
Over the past couple few  years, I've been struggling a lot in yeshivah, and while there are other things in my life that can be causing it, I feel that my slips in these areas are destroying my ruchnius.
I right now have an unfiltered computer with Linux, which isn't easy to filter. If you have any experience with Linux or the bash terminal, PLEASE HELP ME!!
I'm looking to partner with a yeshiva bochur who has similar struggles, and with a yeshiva bochur who has gotten past such struggles.

can you clarify?
"I've stooped to other very low things"
  things??
you dont have a taava for those thing??
you dont have taava for pics of pixels of nude women??
you only look @ porn when you bump into when your bored??

Why are you beating up on him? 

I sent you a PM but it doesn't seem like you are able to read it. It seems that your posts are coming across as aggressive or judgmental. It seems to me that you are trying to help people but this doesn't seem to be the way it is being perceived. It would help a lot if you would be able to give people advice based on your experience in recovery rather than scrutinizing and judging people's posts. I assume you are unaware of how your posts come across so I am writing this.

Also, I think it would be beneficial if you open a thread and write what your original struggles were. You have over 500 days clean so I assume you are in the maintenance stage but I think it may be hurting people to see a newcomer who doesn't seem to be struggling and who we don't know that he ever was like one of us preaching from the podium. If you had a previous username and you don't want people to identify it then write about your struggles in general terms in a way that your previous username can't be identified but at least write what behavior you were struggling with.

I see that you have negative karma and I am writing this as constructive criticism. I am sure that you are a very good person and you are here either to help others or so that you don't fall or both. Every new person is a blessing to the community and it is good that we have you. I am trying to give you advice so that you can post in a meaningful way that people will find helpful. Thank you very much for your understanding and please keep posting. All the best.

Can you elaborate on negative karma. What does that mean and how is that number generated 

Do you mind continuing this conversation on your own thread?
My thread is getting too distracting for me.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 17:32 #420636

Curious who keeps the GYE website running on the technical side.
 Does GYE use a professional software company?
Is it volunteer?

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 17:38 #420637

  • yitzchokm
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hopefulswan89 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 17:08:

yitzchokm wrote on 02 Sep 2024 14:37:

hopefulswan89 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 14:05:

cande wrote on 02 Sep 2024 13:00:

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 28 Aug 2024 00:52:
I'm a yeshiva bochur in beis medrash.
I've been struggling with m********ing for the past few years. I hated it from the beginning and tried stopping multiple times with seforim on inyanei kedushah, and kabalos with knasos, but I never had long term success. 
Over time, I've stooped to other very low things, NOT because I had a taavah for these other things, but because one thing leads to the next. As soon as I would manage to keep sober from m********ing for a short period, these other taavos would disappear.
I'm not addicted to p****, but I'm not completely clean from it either. On the street I think I have the regular struggles of a yeshiva bochur, I try to take off my glasses before I go outside, sometimes mistakenly (or not mistakenly) see something and try to get a better look. I never had any serious taavah for pictures of p****, never found any hana'ah in pixels, but I have slipped sometimes, more out of boredom than out of taavah.
Over the past couple few  years, I've been struggling a lot in yeshivah, and while there are other things in my life that can be causing it, I feel that my slips in these areas are destroying my ruchnius.
I right now have an unfiltered computer with Linux, which isn't easy to filter. If you have any experience with Linux or the bash terminal, PLEASE HELP ME!!
I'm looking to partner with a yeshiva bochur who has similar struggles, and with a yeshiva bochur who has gotten past such struggles.

can you clarify?
"I've stooped to other very low things"
  things??
you dont have a taava for those thing??
you dont have taava for pics of pixels of nude women??
you only look @ porn when you bump into when your bored??

Why are you beating up on him? 

I sent you a PM but it doesn't seem like you are able to read it. It seems that your posts are coming across as aggressive or judgmental. It seems to me that you are trying to help people but this doesn't seem to be the way it is being perceived. It would help a lot if you would be able to give people advice based on your experience in recovery rather than scrutinizing and judging people's posts. I assume you are unaware of how your posts come across so I am writing this.

Also, I think it would be beneficial if you open a thread and write what your original struggles were. You have over 500 days clean so I assume you are in the maintenance stage but I think it may be hurting people to see a newcomer who doesn't seem to be struggling and who we don't know that he ever was like one of us preaching from the podium. If you had a previous username and you don't want people to identify it then write about your struggles in general terms in a way that your previous username can't be identified but at least write what behavior you were struggling with.

I see that you have negative karma and I am writing this as constructive criticism. I am sure that you are a very good person and you are here either to help others or so that you don't fall or both. Every new person is a blessing to the community and it is good that we have you. I am trying to give you advice so that you can post in a meaningful way that people will find helpful. Thank you very much for your understanding and please keep posting. All the best.

Can you elaborate on negative karma. What does that mean and how is that number generated 

People can press on the plus or minus button next to your karma. In general, it is a measure of how popular a person is. It is rare for someone to have negative karma and it usually means that something is wrong with the way the person is posting or with his behavior on the forum. With you I believe it is just that people don't like your style of posting. I don't think people have any problem with you as a person. It seems to me that since you are clean for so long you are primarily here to help others which is very nice of you. If you are also here for yourself you can correct my assumption. I gave you a suggestion about how to write posts so that people will benefit from them. I suggest that you read through a whole bunch of threads so you see the style of posting and back and forth posting between other members. It will give you a better idea of how to post. I appreciate your listening ear. All the best.
Last Edit: 02 Sep 2024 18:06 by yitzchokm.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 17:46 #420638

cande wrote on 02 Sep 2024 13:00:

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 28 Aug 2024 00:52:
I'm a yeshiva bochur in beis medrash.
I've been struggling with m********ing for the past few years. I hated it from the beginning and tried stopping multiple times with seforim on inyanei kedushah, and kabalos with knasos, but I never had long term success. 
Over time, I've stooped to other very low things, NOT because I had a taavah for these other things, but because one thing leads to the next. As soon as I would manage to keep sober from m********ing for a short period, these other taavos would disappear.
I'm not addicted to p****, but I'm not completely clean from it either. On the street I think I have the regular struggles of a yeshiva bochur, I try to take off my glasses before I go outside, sometimes mistakenly (or not mistakenly) see something and try to get a better look. I never had any serious taavah for pictures of p****, never found any hana'ah in pixels, but I have slipped sometimes, more out of boredom than out of taavah.
Over the past couple few  years, I've been struggling a lot in yeshivah, and while there are other things in my life that can be causing it, I feel that my slips in these areas are destroying my ruchnius.
I right now have an unfiltered computer with Linux, which isn't easy to filter. If you have any experience with Linux or the bash terminal, PLEASE HELP ME!!
I'm looking to partner with a yeshiva bochur who has similar struggles, and with a yeshiva bochur who has gotten past such struggles.

can you clarify?
"I've stooped to other very low things"
  things??
you dont have a taava for those thing??
you dont have taava for pics of pixels of nude women??
you only look @ porn when you bump into when your bored??


things??


Things that I'm too embarrassed to talk about, even on gye.

you dont have a taava for those thing??


They are not my main struggles, and I don't regularly lust for things.
It's more that when I schlep myself down with mz"l too often, and aveiros goreres aveirah, these teivos sometimes show up.
you dont have taava for pics of pixels of nude women??

you dont have taava for pics of pixels of nude women??
you only look @ porn when you bump into when your bored??


P*** isn't my main struggle. I probably struggle with it as much as any other yeshiva bochur. On the street, I have to fight. When I had open internet on linux, I sometimes ran after or bumped into p***, but I didn't feel like there was real hana'ah like in real life or even compared to printed p***. I made have tried it or chased it because of taavah, but I didn't really feel any pleasure.
Thats what I meant that 'never found any hana'ah in pixels'

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 17:51 #420639

  • yitzchokm
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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 17:32:
Curious who keeps the GYE website running on the technical side.
 Does GYE use a professional software company?
Is it volunteer?

The forum is running on software specifically designed for forums. I think you always need technicians to run such software effectively. I believe there are people who work for a salary for GYE. GYE does all of this and more for us without asking us to pay anything for their services. I believe there will be a yearly fundraiser soon to keep them going for another year. I am not an insider in GYE and I am only writing based on assumptions.

Why are you asking?

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 17:57 #420640

  • yitzchokm
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You are probably better off talking about the things you are too embarrassed to talk about either on the forum or with a mentor. If you put those things into the advanced search section you will already find others who posted about it. Not talking to anyone about it and keeping it secretive actually feeds the beast and makes you more prone to fall again. I had SSA as a child and I have bipolar disorder. Posting about it actually promoted healing.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:05 #420641

I know that people post just anything on this forum, besides for retzichah.
Doesn't mean that if I'm doing pot I'd be comfortable anouncing it here.
Last Edit: 02 Sep 2024 18:07 by tzaddikvikam13.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:11 #420642

yitzchokm wrote on 02 Sep 2024 17:57:
You are probably better off talking about the things you are too embarrassed to talk about either on the forum or with a mentor.

Still don't have a mentor. Hashemhelpme didn't helpme with that.
Last Edit: 02 Sep 2024 18:16 by tzaddikvikam13.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:13 #420643

Nice try.
They wouldn't believe that I disappeared at 1 in the morning to go learn in a bm.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:13 #420644

  • yitzchokm
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Well, pot has nothing to do with our struggles and you would be better off going to Amudim for that. I don't suspect that you are doing it but I am responding to your post. I was referring to anything that has to do with our struggles when I suggested that you post about it. As I wrote about myself emotional struggles are usually related to our struggles. I was only writing it as a suggestion because based on my experience and the experience of many others it was very important that we write or talk to someone about all our struggles.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:14 #420645

Just using it as an example, because I don't have any shaychus to it.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:15 #420646

And thanks for your suggestion, but I don't feel comfortable with it right now.
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