The same HKBH that gave you two arms, also gave you an extremely tough Yetzer Hara. 
The fact that you have strong desires are not your fault in any way. Just like a long red light is from Hashem, as someone rear ending you that isn't covered by your insurance is from Hashem, a wildly complicated Yetzer Hara is also from Hashem. 

I'm so happy for you that you have reached out to the tzadikim on this site. 
I myself have had a bumpy ride for many many years. 
Reaching out the the holy yidden here has been a complete turnaround to me. I have opened my heart to them and they have supported and most of all, understood me. 
I have more to write but I gotta go now. 
I just got a love text from eerie asking how I'm doing (I got from loads of people btw, they send me at random times of the day to pick me up and tell me they feel my pain) 
These guys are the best. 

Adios

Menuchas Hanefesh, your post is gadlus. Making this issue into a bein adam l'chaveiro (l'ishto) is a complete game changer. It rewires our thinking, our attitude, and our priorities. Keep inspiring!

Tonight is the eve of day 90 of cleanliness for me. It feels like lifetime ago that I started this streak. Not because it went by painfully slow, it didn't, but because I feel like I have lived an entirely different life for the past 90 days.

My first 90 day streak, which I completed around this same time last year, was similar to the effect that I began to live a new life, a life of freedom from lust with all the joys and advantages that freedom gave me. But I was still missing something. I had absolved myself of lust, but I felt it's absence in my life. I didn't need it anymore, but I hadn't moved on from it. We were separated, but not divorced. But this time around, I'm not just living lust free, I am living a full-life. I don't miss porn, I don't miss lusting over woman, I don't miss fantasizing about sexual escapes, but rather I  feel so fortunate and grateful to be able to live  a life of fullness without all of that garbage. 

What changed this time? I'm mulling this over..  I'm not sure, but one thing I am sure about: My dear GYE family has a whole lot to do with it and I have no words to describe my love and appreciation for all of you!!! Thank you so much for everything! You guys picked me up when I fell and led me to a place of such serenity. I can't even begin to thank you enough!!! Hashem should continue to bentch everyone on this amazing site to keep on inspiring, and keep on being inspired! THANK YOU!!!

menuchashanefesh9 wrote on 08 Nov 2024 06:00:

Mazel Tov on 90 days! I wait for the day that I can have the new mindset you got! I think even the days I was clean many of them were like your first 90 day streak. You put it down so well. Hatzlacha moving forward!
Good shabbos!

menuchashanefesh9 wrote on 08 Nov 2024 06:00:

Wow, what an inspiration!!!

With a ton of brotherly love and respect,
Muttel

Mazel Tov buddy!! Keep it up!!!

menuchashanefesh9 wrote on 08 Nov 2024 06:00:

There are no words brother. כּמּים הפּנים לפּנים כּן לב האדם לאדם

באהבה עזה

מבקש