R' Eagle,

Your honest and straightforwardness is so refreshing! For me, GYE presents the ability to be open honest in these struggles, which thereby facilitates real introspection and healing.

You and all our dear brothers here should have a super meaningful fast and we should be zoche to ביאת המשיח במהרה...  

With a heart brimming with respect and brotherly love,
Muttel

Phenomenal stuff happening here. 

Keep soaring, (and shvitzing),  ever higher. You’re an inspiration!

I’ve written a lot about talking to my kids. 

When it comes to talking about Shmiras Haenayim I try not to give specific orders and instructions. Rather I discuss the importance of being careful and how a Ben Torah has to be aware and try to avoid what’s not nice etc. Then I’m aware that I’m modelling behaviour wherever we go.
I know they’re watching, and noticing how I walk and what I look at.  That helps me be more careful, if I’m going to be honest. 

I try not to make a big production out of it. Just acting normal and giving care to naturally avoid peritzus, be careful, be proactive about which places to go, how to walk (not looking all over the place) and what to look at and what not to look at. How to talk to people. If I have to talk to people who aren’t dressed optimally I make eye contact, be polite and kind and try to only look from the nose up  

That’s how my father shlita did it, he’s an Heiliger Yid. But not everyone knows about his Kedusha, he doesn’t advertise. I still hope to one day grow to be a little like him.

I just read your introduction to this thread.
Your attitude is so wonderful. 
You're inspiring, "yes we can...".

Meeting you in the Eagle's nest was a privilege, I will cherish.

Hearing about your struggles and how you deal with them, challenges that would break a lesser man, was inspiring.

Knowing that you never sucked the forbidden pacifier of P&M despite it all, is astounding.

Watching to soar despite it all leaves me in awe of the greatness and heights that people can reach.

With admiration,

Amevakesh

amevakesh wrote on 21 Aug 2024 14:12:

Thank You for your warm words.
Knowing that I am together with friends like you has given me the strength to really fly!

Looking forward to continuing to fly higher together!!

Hello all

I would like to share with all of you a wonderful experience that I had this past week.

In 2021 around אדר – March, which is when I had a really hard fall and that took me down the slide of my fantasizing and reading inappropriate things, and that took me till this last תקופה of when I joined here. Around then, I bought one of the new jewish music albums. One particular hard day, I had it on in the car when my mind was all over the place. There was one song that whenever it turned on, there was an association of lust and fantasy with that song, and I felt my mind go back to that difficult place.

This past Friday, as we were getting ready for שבת at home, we turned on some music, and this song came on. And miracles of miracles!!! My mind stayed put!!! I felt so far from the dark difficulties of my previous life. I began to dance in my dining room!! (I do that from time to time anyway, my kids do think I am a bit too much…)!

Thank you all for helping me rewire my brain to be able to fly so high!!!

chulentandkugel wrote on 23 Aug 2024 12:53:

Shalom and welcome!
Looks like this is your first day and post here. When you are ready, please feel free to introduce yourself. The oilam would love to get to know you.
Kol Tov

Hello Chevra
Here is the next update in my wonderful flight to the heavens.

The other day, I took the time to go and meet our Rebbe HHM שליט"א.

'twas a phenomenal experience! (thanks Muttel)

The hug and kiss that I got from him went deep into my Neshama and will remain with me for a very long time.

I ended up sitting and talking to him for much longer than I originally thought I would.

His warmth, insight and caring are unbelievable!!

This brings out his ability to push me (and all of us) to go far out of my comfort zone and to really care for myself and to do what needs to be done to really reach the freedom that I seek. He is able to see in me much more than I thought I can see in myself, and he is able to push me to do much more than I thought I was able to do.

His pushing me to work hard is really bringing me to fly to new heights!

The most recent work that he pushed me to do is to act in ways to love my wife fully for who she truly is as a person, and it is really making a difference in my life.

I came home and gave my wife a hug just for her being her and told her I love you in a way that was not meant to take anything further.

The ‘Thank You’ that I got from her was felt deep inside of me. I did something for her that made her feel good, and she appreciated it!

And the best part of it was that when I came home later from night seder, we spoke for a few minutes and then she went to sleep. A hug to my wife did not mean anything more than that!! Just loving her for who she really is, really felt great!!

Thank You Rebbe for helping me fly!!!

BenHashemBH wrote on 23 Aug 2024 13:01:

BenHashemBH wrote on 23 Aug 2024 14:15:

Now you look funny!

Maybe they should figure out how to delete all the related posts as well.....

138eagle wrote on 23 Aug 2024 14:31:

Lol.
They can do that. Not sure what the criteria is, but probably they delete posts related to inappropriate ones, not the more general responses.

BenHashemBH wrote on 23 Aug 2024 14:15:

its called bein hazmanim boredom................

As the Eagle flies high above, those around it look at it and admire. “Look how gracefully it flies” It looks almost effortless”!

Alas, it is not true.

The eagle’s wings hurt from the effort of trying to keep in the sky and they wish they could take a rest.

There are ups and downs. There are trials and tribulations. I still struggle to look at my wife for who she is and to accept her shortcomings and how I am not so attracted not to let things about her bother me.

Also, בין הזמנים is a challenge. One Sunday I took my family to the zoo (like PY said, a lot of 2-legged species there that creates a more significant challenge). The next week, we went to a large park and went boating, we met a lot of the frum world and a lot of the not-jewish world was there too. (Is this even allowed? Can the Rabbis and Poskim here chime in if going to the zoo or a large park is called ליכא דרכא אחריתא or if it is called איכא דרכא אחריתא. I mean there are no other zoos out there, or do we absolutely stay away).

The challenges were definitely easier to deal with than they were in the past. I was not lusting over anything and definitely not looking to see anything triggering, like I may have done in the past. Most significantly, I think that they did not make as much as a רושם on me as it did in the past, I did not dwell on the challenges after we left. I think that I can call this a triumph.

Then my wife went away with most of the kids. I felt like I needed to do something. Was it lust that was driving my need? Or was it just a need for the love? Hmm hard question. Even if she would be here, we would not be able to be together. I felt lost. I even felt hard on myself. I felt that I was doing the wrong thing and having the wrong feelings.

A quick call to HHM to discuss my feelings, put me at ease, I am still normal with normal needs to have a wife around me even without being together. It is a need for love, not lust.

Wow!

Now I felt better. I even called my wife just to tell her that I miss her. It felt good to tell her that I missed her, not her body.

Working hard to stay in the air.

The view really is much better from up here.

Wow!

Half a year!!!
6 months!!!

180 days!!!
Taking it one day at a time, I have Boruch Hashem reached this wonderful milestone on ראש חדש אלול. I do not think I ever looked forward to an אלול like I do now. I feel that I can really aproach the ימים נוראים as a person that is working on myself and growing.

Special thanks to all of you, my new family that has been here for me.

Here is an example of the growth that I have been זוכה to this past 6 months.
This past week I was away for Shabbos with my wilfe's extended family in a relaxed atmosphere setting. Having been in this place before I was nervous about the challenges that I will be facing. They were always so tough in the past.
I reached out to a few of my brothers here, and I asked them to check in with me after Shabbos. They of course agreed.

Shabbos itself went very well (not perfect, but very well). It appears that once I set myself up to succeed הקב"ה made it easier for me. I was able to find quiet places to go to learn when there were going to be times that family was coming over to visit and get together, (special shout out to my DW for allowing this to happen).
And then there were the highlights of the Shabbos.
I made sure to skip the communal Kiddush, that did not have a mechitza.

Then later as we were setting up for Shalosh Seudos, 2 couples, my father-in-laws cousins (my in-laws age) came by. One is also mechutanim with my in-laws. When I came in to the room as they were leaving, Derech Eretz made it that I should say hello and talk for a minute. I was able to look the woman in the eye and talk to her as a person, without focusing on anything about her body. We ended up talking for a minute or 2 about how things are going with the family and our other relatives from my side, and I was able to keep my eyes on the 'people', and not look at them.

Wow! Amazing!

I think this was a major win.

The rest stops on the highway on teh way home were not as good, but they were also better than they were in the past.

Here's to the last six month, looking forward to the next 600!!!


Flying Higher!!!

What an inspiration!!!!

Keep flying high and hold me (and all of us here) in your talons!!!!!!!!!!!

With a ton of brotherly love (emotional from our brothers' accomplishments),
Muttel