yiftach wrote on 24 Jun 2024 06:35:

This response really got me thinking. I do believe that sports provides - for me - some release somewhat similar to what porn provides, albeit on a much lesser scale in a way that’s obviously not assur (maybe I’m being medameh too much - domeh ledomeh). That being said, Yiftach, asssuming I understood you properly, your point is brilliant. It’s not just that I should wait until my footing is more firmly entrenched in Kedusha to make a move to drop sports. Rather, given that they seem to be sourced from the same cause, as soon as my level of kedusha increases sufficiently, it will slip away on its own. 

I love this point, and will carry on following the Yankees this season - and look forward to gaining from everyone’s support to continue monstah trucking up the kedusha mountain - until the day this slips away of its own accord!!

As an aside, I read HHM’s thread in the BB forum last night, and gained tremendous chizuk. I saw how when he hit 50 days or so, he felt like he’d made great strides and developed hasagos to be clean for life. When I texted him last night that I was clean and looked forward to getting 90 days clean, he responded by saying “ looking forward to a lifetime”. 
so just a shout out to Reb HHM for being the amazing support he is, and to all of you here at GYE that have enabled me to get this far…

My wishes that we should all shteig together in kedusha and other inyanim too, and collectively be zoche to reach zeniths of aliya until we heard the grandest of blasts, amen!

Muttel

Muttel wrote on 24 Jun 2024 08:28:

Exactly my point! What was with this release until now?! I guess when you're in driving mode you're not in reverse.

P.S. Not that following sports is necessarily reverse, it's just something that you don't want/need for your aliya (at least that's what I understood from your original post).

Continued aliya!

- Yiftach'l

I see the same thing with me

SHER wrote on 24 Jun 2024 11:44:

I see you're new here, welcome! This is the best place to get support in this battle that bonds us and to learn the tools that save us! Stick around, learn the ropes, and see the tremendous resources available here that can Be"H send you soaring!

Muttel

thanks r' muttel!

Just wanted to share something that happened to me with  the Olam, and would love to hear feedback.

Last night, I had a massively sinking feeling; I had fallen!! I thought to myself: how am I going to face everyone here? How can I let everyone down? I must be honest and blast it out to everyone, move on and get started with day one! 

Then I realized…. It was a dream (NOT a wet one bh and not even where the falling was part of it, just the knowledge that I fell)! So, I’m just wondering if anyone has experience with this notion, given I’m around the 50 day mark (48), wondering if this is something others have experienced. Or maybe it’s just another “nightmare” like any other?

Just wondering…..
Muttel

Muttel wrote on 25 Jun 2024 08:28:

Been there. 

One of the YHs greatest tactics. It's on us to prove him that it doesn't work. 

Hatzlacha

yeah, so looks like the יצר הרע is done with the sports thingy,
and now dreaming up somethin' else to drive you crazy about.
will be בקשר,
stay safe, love you.

Muttel wrote on 25 Jun 2024 08:28:

YH is starting to get nervous, that he's losing you for good. He own your subconscious still - and desperately wants to lower your morale to get you to fall. I like the fact that even in the dream you knew there was accountability & honesty.
Sucks for him, cuz you ain't going nowhere but up

You may also think of this as a natural response to making great strides in changing something which has been a part of you all these years, and doing it with great ado, too. Simple response. Maybe yetzer hara, maybe a part of yourself reacting; actions change faster than our dark insides (and this stuff with it's attendant fears, shame and loneliness lodged themselves pretty deeply in).

I don't usually remember my dreams but in the process of becoming clean I sometimes experience one's like you described. BH the more recent ones are of me stopping in moments of clarity. It's all part of the process.

I think its part of the subconscious that is now revealing itself and trying to influence us to go back to our old ways. Try not to focus on the dream bc in the end it's just a dream.

Relax! I remember in the beginning of my journey, I had a similar dream that involved my accountability to HHM. I was going to fall, but then I thought about reporting back to him, so I refrained. All in the dream. Those dreams dissipate over time, and will become a thing of the past. KOMT!!!!

Dreams are expected as a "revolt" from the subconscious. Ignore them completely. You're a hero.

Dear GYE friends,

Today is a special day for me, for 2 reasons she’heim achas.

Today is my personal erev Shavuos, my personal kabbalas haTorah after 49 days of reaching so many rungs of madreigaos in taharah… I’ll be hearing my personal “Anochi” after having bh, through the grace of HKBH reached this point with the help of all of you!

This wonderful feeling is augmented by having read about PY and Eerie’s clarion call to action to take what’s been given to us and passing it along to others. The second reason why today is special is because I’m happy to report: I’ve got a second talmid in the bag!!!!

What makes me so joyous about it is that he didn’t open to me like my first. I initiated with this one, chosemyahem’s letter to his Rebbi in my mind’s eye when I sat him down and opened the door of communication wide open….. he came back the next day (yesterday) asking for tips and help in controlling his urges and I began giving him HHM’s shmooz, woke up this morning to find a one word text from him - “clean”. What joy and happiness! That one word engenders such feelings of strength, accomplishment, challenge, and most of all, purity…..

It’ll be a long journey for him, but we’re looking to change the world, one bachur at a time……..

Signing off full of joyous emotion,
Muttel

Mazel Tov Reb Muttel!

The gematria of מאטעל is 150. Your 50 days x3 to include your two talmidim