Reading some great chizuk from You Revealed by Naftali Horowitz. (Benny, any relation?)

It is precisely because of our tremendous potential that we feel so deeply affected by our shortcomings. Like a Lamborghini being used only to drive to the corner store to buy milk, the engine cries out in frustration, "Use me! I want to go 200mph on the open road." The sports car is being wasted on the deteriorating side streets.  We have our own super engines, our holy neshamos. Each of us has the power to change the world. When we leave that potential to lie dormant, it's no wonder we experience feelings of restlessness, frustration, and even depression. 

Don't be afraid to hit the gas (or battery ) and see the places you can go.

Started learning sefer Shemiras Halashon yesterday and wanted to share a relevant piece from the hakdama.

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In Avos DeRebbi Nassan there is a quote from R’ Yochanan Ben Dahavai. The Tanna shares a parable: A man is hired to fill buckets of water from the ocean and pour them onto land. He works for a few hours, but the ocean isn’t any smaller and the land is not covered in water. He begins to despair. Tell him “Foolish one! What do you care? Each day that you labor, you receive your wages; a golden dinar!”

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The yetzer hara tells us that it’s impossible. No matter how much effort we put in, we will not be able to reach the end and stay there forever. If anything, we can get but a few moments, not even a day before our resolve collapses. You have no hope and would be better off focusing your efforts on other matters.

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We say back to the yetzer hara that even if he’s right, that one instance is where all the value is. It is from those fighting moments that we earn from Hashem our golden dinars of schar.

BenHashemBH wrote on 22 Jul 2024 18:50:

So literally The Battle of the Generation page 26 lol

Reading it while at the airport and taking chizuk from others who shared their triumphs - I recall Reb Muttel posting his victory a while back. 

Read in a different sefer last week that when you are growing it is expected and ok to become a bit abnormal (different). You are elevating yourself above the generic klal, own it. 

B'ezras Hashem today should be a day of being abnormal

Baruch Hashem!
Yesterday was an amazing day.
Boy did I get an eye-full a few times. Not stam, the nisyonos of traveling. 

So what gives? Why the excitement?

I traveled for a simcha in a completely normal way.
While I saw, I tried not to see and i didn't look. For the more out of the ordinary things, it is Hashem who orchestrates what will be around us. 

I'm not beating myself up for seeing things that were beyond my control. I do what I need to and am expected to do, and the rest of the cheshbon is Hashem's. That is the victory, to accept that and move forward.

Obviously each person needs to know what is a normal situation for them to be in. 

Kol tov

So happy to hear!! (would've been nice to have seen you)

I will be flying later this week and hoping to match your performance!

Thanks for this post, it hit the right spot for me.

Muttel

hello you want to help real?

yanky9502 wrote on 29 Jul 2024 19:28:

Shalom Brother,
Is there something you'd like to share or ask about? Happy to help if I can, as are the many incredible people here.

Dear Brothers and myself,
It was Chanukah of 2022 that this journey that is my life took a major and somewhat unexpected turn for the better. 
I wasn't counting, but today would be round about day 600 of really living as a Ben Hashem.
Tonight I have a termination (scary word that therapists use for a final session). It will be the 10th and final meeting in a group therapy session with other frum men, focused on self-growth. As I think about my reflections, they are exactly how I want to celebrate the tremendous gifts from Hashem and also my own hard work that helped me to get to where I am today. I have started and I'm far from finished. Here is where I am right now:
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Self-confidence – Trust myself. Believe in myself. Just do it. Hashem believes in me (evidence: I’m alive), so why do I have doubts in my abilities to accomplish?

Self-conscious – I have doubts. I need to trust myself. Think, but don’t overthink or obsess in a way that impedes moving forward in the direction I want/need to go in.

Self-critical – I am imperfect and that is perfectly ok. Make mistakes. It’s better than doing nothing (usually).

Validation – Should not feel like I need it, though it is certainly helpful and much appreciated.

Invisible – I think this may be part of my current personality. Even though I feel appreciated and seen, I still feel easily dismissed or pushed to the back of the line in many situations. Not maliciously or even consciously, I think I give off a persona of not needing attention and seeming ok, so many other people/things default in as the priority. Is it because of my history of becoming and being self-reliant? Do I give off a vibe of not needing others? Do I make other people uncomfortable in some way that they choose to ignore me – perhaps because I don’t appear like an open person?

I think this item is one that I really need to work on going forward, because it affects me in two major ways.

1) It’s a really negative feeling to have.

2) I don’t want to seem closed off. I care about people, and I want people to care about me. Though at the same time, I have to be ok if they don’t care.

Getting stuck – Panic in saying the wrong thing (either incorrect or just incoherent) which causes flooding in my mind that does not allow me to think clearly or at all. Hoping to practice and also increase self-confidence. Keep talking to people, especially new people, particularly with people or in places that are more challenging. Main opportunities will be in shul (not during) and at community events.

Don’t take the easy way out – Never try, never fail is not a was of living. Don’t get easily deterred from doing the right thing, even if it’s not my distinct responsibility.

Push myself – The most growth happens in areas beyond my comfort zone.

Just do it – At some point, the time to think is past and the time to act is now. Today is yesterday’s tomorrow. Waiting doesn’t often put me in any better place to tackle something that needs to get done. Don’t procrastinate, or do I wish to risk procrastinating forever?

Believe in ME – At the end of the day, I need to know who I am and live my life. That means acknowledging my weaknesses as well as my strengths. That means working on myself in both. This is me, this is what I’m doing, this is why I’m doing it, this is how I’m doing it, and now I’m actually working on getting it done.

Connect with others – No one is supposed to be alone. K’ish echad b’lev echad, we are one. Any person down is all of us lower, and every person up is all of us higher. Ask for help or offer help, we’re both growing either way.

Keep trying to be someone I’m not YET -- not something I’m not.
Don’t lose myself in changing.
Find myself.


All aboard the monster truck! There is room for everyone (and ice-cold beer in the back).

There is no better friend than a mevakesh. Truly.

Was embarking on a family outing where there was guaranteed to be a lot of shemiras einayim challenges. Depending on the situation, we still have to try and live normally.
I messaged a special chaver. Not only did I get some good advice, but 1000% better than that was the chizuk I carried with me the entire time from the fact that he reached out. It was like my own personal malach had come to reinforce me the entire trip.

Chazal say to surround yourself with good people. Here on GYE we have the best people. Thank you!

Yesterday some unwelcome images were flashing in my head. I try not to dwell on them, and BH they don't plague me often, but they are still there from time to time. My memory doesn't get completely erased with the passage of time, though some of the things may fade. Worrying about it is a sure way to clarify and reestablish that which I'd sooner leave be.

But what should I do with them? Nothing, perhaps. Will it be a lifetime of brain whack-a-mol, of swatting at buzzing flies and trying to ignore them?

Do I wish they would leave me alone?
Do I wish they would cease to exist?

Yes to the first, but I believe nay for the latter. Their existence is precious to me. I don't want to think about them specifically, but I need them. Every one is a testament to the things I've been through. My history, my struggles, my journey, and my growth. I need them all to bear witness to who I am, who I was, and who I can be. That particular jury box needs a mechitza, and though some of the uglier residents might peek out once in a while, I can pay them little-to-no heed and even appreciate knowing that they are in there. 

Instead of feeling frustrated I can say thank you Hashem that despite and even because of those many yesterdays, I now have today to be better. 

Dear Brothers,

Just a quick Erev Yom Kippur share.

The last two days I did a lot of driving for work. I had many hours, more than 8, by myself, in silence, alone with my thoughts. 
Was hoping to capitalize on the opportunity to think about Yom Kippur, but alas, I came away with nothing overly enlightening or monumental. That's how it goes sometimes. 

On a more positive note, I realized yesterday that while I've seen the inappropriate billboard on my commute 100+ times (and I know what it's a picture of), I've never looked at it even once. There are big white letters, but I couldn't tell you what they say. 

Life doesn't always serve you the big things. Little things matter a lot too. I'm taking that into my YK. 100+ winged witnesses attesting to those victories.

Wishing all of you Holy Neshamos a Gmar Ch'sima Tova

BenHashemBH wrote on 11 Oct 2024 19:41:

Had an epiphany while davening today. What I wrote as 2 separate things on Erev YK were actually the same thing. I couldn't force myself to think of a "new" big thing BECAUSE I was ignoring all the "little" and equally important things. 

BH I had my first complete clean year, so I wasn't focused on charata for p&m. (BezH I will find a way to celebrate that). There's plenty else for me to work on, they just don't hit as hard with the shame and guilt. They aren't as defined. They aren't the same thing I cried about every year for the past 15 years. Al Chet, doing mitzvos in general without kavana made me sad. Gotta stop rushing always and checking boxes without pausing to think about the moment. 

I'm saying brachos with the tune from a chuppah, as it makes me slow down enough to think about what I'm saying.

Kol Tov Brothers. 

BenHashemBH wrote on Unknown:

I love this!

The hallmark of true greatness!

Muttel

Something interesting happened yesterday.

I was driving home from work for the first time since before Sukkos and almost didn't notice, but the casino billboard is chaged. Where there had been a months-long nisayon, now there is a pair of dice. 

Interesting coincidence hashgacha, the timing of this.

Sometimes we search desperately for signs from Hashem and other times they smack us square in the face. 

Message received!

BenHashemBH wrote on 30 Oct 2024 13:20:

Not sure where this billboard your talking about is, but I sure hope it's not the one I pass every day on my commute to work,.

I Sincerely love the one I pass, because it's a 0.5 mile radius that I just look at my break's and let hashem steer the car and break it in time not to crash. (Dangerous, no? Nah not when hashem is the driver, honestly he's the driver even when I do look). 

So I wouldn't want to give that up.