Maskim. If I would've known 20 years ago that there was a Rebbe I could approach without any judgement...I can only wish that boys have that available to them now in Yeshiva. The earlier they hear it the better. Just be there for them, show them compassion, that you care and love them. Let them see that what they're running to is'nt truly filling thevoid they wish to fill. and that there are healthy ways to fill it

Opening lines of communication is 90% of the yeshua.  How many bochurim are walking around with extremely high levels of yi'ush, depression, anxiety, and hopelessness unnecessarily?!

I could not agree more!

I'm jealous, truly קנאת סופרים, of the rebbeim who have come here to fight this battle and then can turn around and help our precious bachurim get past this at the earliest stage.  As much praise as HHM deserves for the time and effort that he puts in here, I'm confident that nothing would make him happier than to have less people that have the need to come here in the first place. 

happyid1 wrote on 16 Jun 2024 23:39:

Just wanted to comment here that I pulled over a random talmid (who I suspected struggles with P&M) and gave him the opening to communicate. He said I was the first porson in his entire life that he confided his struggles in. He's been clean for a couple of days and now knows he has a Rebbi he can confide in if he falls who won't look down on him for his falls.

I'd venture to say the percentage of those struggling with some form of Kedusha problems exceeds 90%..................................

To all Rebbeim on this forum: would you consider calling over 1 bochur a day to discuss this with? This can be our opportunity to be מרבה קדושה to contribute טהרה in place of the טומאה we've "contributed" in the past!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm happy to share how I initiated conversations if anyone needs a boost.

We can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Muttel

Tzaddik! As I said above, truly jealous!

I believe that a handful of rebbeim doing this relatively simple thing of just opening the door has more power and impact than all of the asefos and speeches.  Can you imagine the compounded zechusimthat you would have for heading this off early for the bachurim? How many more marriages will get off on a better footing so that this impacts future generations as well!

In speaking with my sons, it seems like at least in some yeshivos this is being spoken about more directly with an opening to discuss in private. However my sense is that for the most part this is at the BM level and not so much in mesivta.

Muttel and all other rebbeim - I would suggest a step further. Let your menahel know that someone approached you in complete privacy about this. You can say that based on research this problem is widespread and one of the biggest tools to fight this is to provide bachurim an opportunity to speak with someone in private with no negative consequences. You can volunteer to be a resource. 

Muttel wrote on 27 Jun 2024 13:18:

I assume that it affects almost everyone in some way or another. I heard beshem a maggid shiur in a certain mainstream Yeshiva (without strict phone rules,= no taking out phones in the yeshiva building) that 70% of the bochurim there are watching porn.
I found that giving a open shmooze to the bochorim about inyanie kedusha opens them up to come over to us afterward and speak about it comfortably. 

I remember reading a story about a rosh yeshiva who wanted to be mechazek inyanei kedusha. He convened all the rebbeim and talmidim in the beis medrash, asking them to raise their hands if they struggled in this area. Unsurprisingly, no one raised their hand. So the rosh yeshiva asked again "if you struggle in kedusha, raise your hand", and this time the rosh yeshiva himself raised his hand, and so did everyone else...

Wow, that's powerful...................
Thank you for sharing.

Muttel

Under the GYE library, the book From Boys to Men has a link for a free copy for Rabbonim and Mechanchim..

If anyone wants to hear statistics there is a halacha headlines from 2/17/2023 which includes an interview with the founders of GYE and with Shlomie Zimmerman, the suturing of From Boys to Men.