Jacko wrote on 11 Mar 2024 17:51:
I am 60 years old and still struggle mightily. I will recite the tikkun this anfternoon and stood under the shower for a long time after. Got my 40 seah in rolling water over my head. Also will wash all the clothes and sheets involved. I will also try to get to a Mikva. But it all just repeats itself. Every few months or so. My greatest fear is that this horrible activity is blocking blessings of shidduchim for my daughters. I have convinced myself that this is the reason they aren’t married yet. Beating myself up over it constantly. My biggest problem is I have a smart phone and hone WiFi It is just so easy to access pure tunah. I just need some chizzuk chevrai so I know my eternal soul can come out of this in good shape. Not a young man any longer and I think about things like this now.
Hi Jacko, welcome to the forum!
It is super painful to find yourself still struggling at age 60, I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are experiencing!!
If I may suggest, please read some of the threads here, how people break free regardless of age or level of destructive behaviors. It is possible.
My humble two cents is that tikkun, 40 seah and mikvah are all very nice, but may not go too far in helping solve your problem. Ditto to the unhealthy, guilt-ridden belief that acting out is destroying shidduchim for your daughters.
Over spiritualizing this struggle can be detrimental to many who travel the dark road of “fall, repent, fall, repeat” cycle for decades.
Still struggling at 60 (you didn’t specify struggling with what, masturbation? Prostitutes? Are you currently married?) is a lonely and dire situation indeed. Spiritualizing hasn’t gotten you too far, perhaps other methods such as facing painful emotions, exploring why you are acting out, dealing with the need to escape etc., can be utilized with better success.
All these strategies are most effective through reaching out to some of the amazing folks here who give of their time and expertise to help fellow strugglers. You will never be alone in this struggle again…try it!
You took a great first step forward by posting...please, don't stop now!
Looking forward to hear more updates and much Hatzlacha!
