Hey all. I’m not exactly new here, but this is my first time posting. I’m already 6 weeks clean and I’m confident in myself and my fight against p and m.
I grew up in an environment which when my journey started was not as successful as it today in combating the issues many of us are going through. I grew up extremely naive and did not know much about anything related to sexuality. I only have brothers and had no clue about anything when it came to the opposite gender. So when I was in the summer between eighth and ninth grades, I had a “thing” with a male friend of mine. We touched each other inappropriately but that was as far as it went. This was 6 years ago and although I’m young, this is by far the biggest regret of my life. Unfortunately, at the time, I had no clue what I was doing was really wrong. When we did it a second time, I knew how good it felt and how wrong it was both at the same time. Since I grew up in a very uneducated environment, i didn’t know that what I did was such a problem. 
nothing happened for the next 6-8 months approximately, until I started to touch myself and it felt as good as when I was touching myself with my friend. I didn’t even know the extent of how terrible my actions were. I didn’t touch myself very often for a few months, but my family went through a hard move and we were living in a small house with lots of tension and that’s when I started consistently touching myself. During this time, I really got to understand how terrible my actions were. I decided I was going to have to stop and I did for more than a month. Then for the few months or so I was trying but I kept failing at getting better. Then in that summer I met an older Bochur who really helped me and I was clean for two months. Then I struggled for a few months.Then I really worked hard and was clean for 4 months. Then I fell, this fall was about 3 and a half years ago. For the next two and a half years we’re extremely up and down. Then I found GYE. I was here an occasion for 2 months and it helped me a lot. But it wasn’t really working for me. So, I left and kept the same struggles for the next 6 months.
what caused me to come back is that a turned 20, a bar onshin and I realized that this is my time to win. I came back because I realized I did it wrong the first time around. I want to share my experiences with others and hear how to improve and keep getting stronger. B”H I’m clean for the 6 weeks since my birthday and getting stronger each and every day. It has helped that I’m now in Yeshiva and it’s Elul. 
Thank you for reading my story, and it gave me tremendous Chizuk just to write it. I have been struggling for already 6+ years and I’m the best I’ve ever been thanks to GYE and the people here. I wish this couldve been prevented before it started, but in many ways I have used my struggles to advance my connection to Hashem and my avodas Hashem. We can only get better through fighting out Yetzer Hara.
I’m happy to hear everyone’s comments and I can be reached privately to help others and receive help. Thanks everyone and Good Shabbos. 

Hatzlacha Rabba, its great to hear from you! Reach out if you need anything!

EccentricComposer wrote on 01 Sep 2023 18:39:

Welcome !
Posting is a great first step .
You should have much Hatzlocha

Keep on posting! This is the best time to put in the work. From a point of strength. Check out flight to freedom.

Welcome, thanks for posting! Yup, you went through a hard time and you should be matzliach!! And keep inspiring us!

Hi and belated welcome!
Sounds very familiar, You are amazing for not giving up the fight. I from what you write it looks like you are very motivated and serious about breaking free but you get stuck and fall back after some time, can you identify what causes you to fall back? is it something specific that you can avoid?
Please keep on sharing your story, falls and victories! and utilize your challenge to become greater than ever before.
Looking forward to hear more from you.

Your username is quite appropriate as you certainly hit this one out of the park! From your words you seem like a wonderful guy with a hefty amount of yiras shamayim and is dead set on doing the right thing just because it's right. 
Welcome to the family of bnei aliya! Here, we hold each other up, celebrate each others wins and help each other through tough times. 
Keep us posted!! 

Welcome dear Chaver!
Keep up the amazing work.
Seems to me that the way you got into this stuff wasn't through any fault of your own. And you've been working strongly to get out of it. So, if maybe you are right that the actual stuff is terrible, you most certainly are not! Chazak Vi'Amatz! Keep shteiging and growing!

And keep in touch!

Hey! Welcome to the family! Please keep posting, because here we are your friends and brothers, we care for you, we want to hear from you, and together we will make it to the top! Stick around, there are many great things to learn here. Keep sharing, and never forget to KEEP TRUCKING!

Thanks. I would appreciate if someone would like to reach out to me. My email is shaiforshort5@gmail.com
PM is great too, I think in this stage I need a lot of chizuk

Hi all, just wanted to give an update after being here for already three weeks. I was on a streak when I came and I had even reached 55 days! Erev RH I fell- crazy!!! Then I davened my heart out of RH and felt so good and motivated that I can finally beat this terrible, evil cycle I am stuck in. The. Unfortunately on Tzom Gedailia I fell again. I was so upset with myself. I couldn’t believe it. I was so upset that I finally got myself to fix the hole in my filter!!!

homerun20 wrote on 22 Sep 2023 17:03:

Amazing! Hate to be a nag but do you have a plan for the next "hole" in whatever form it takes?

Welcome, thanks for sharing. We are here with you. This is life, keep climbing. There are falls, hard falls, but you are here in good company and you are well motivated. You will keep rising and working and fighting. Until your streaks get longer and longer and you are in a cleaner state of mind. 

And then you will keep on growing and fighting, higher and higher. 

Much success!!