Dear buddy
Your post reminds me of .. me
A story perhaps of many but so sad and so real nonetheless
I am embarrassed to say that I have struggled and failed for more than 3 decades.
Yet, I am happy.
Happy?
Yes. I am happy because I have learnt that control over M/P may never be mine
Only Gd can grant me freedom and so what is left in my hands and thus in my control is my commitment to humbly ask Him for help and to accept His guidance through whichever means He sees fit to send his wisdom to me.
I pray to Him in my mother tongue.
I pray in any location I choose (bar the bathroom etc)
I pray at no fixed time (yet)
Perhaps amazing is the fact that I look forward to these personal encounters with Gd
I pray that I may merit more and better such regular encounters with Him and that you too may merit to lose yourself in regular personal prayer and that you may feel the embrace of His unlimited love and kindness.
Love and respect, Yidi