bright wrote on 05 Jun 2023 13:27:

So are you writin' and explainin' why you are in despair or why you shouldn't be?

I can now only watch a video on YouTube by requesting access to that specific video.
It was not an easy step, but it was necessary as YouTube led me many times to fall since I stopped watching porn.
May it be a zechus for me to feel Hashem's closeness and that he should answer all my prayers, (I have no time now to write them all:) ) and for all of Klal Yisroel's needs to be fulfilled.
May Hashem give me the strength to not unblock it ever again, and that everyone should have the strength to do the same.

true_self wrote on 05 Jun 2023 14:24:

WOWOWOOWOWW!!!!!! Major! Mamesh bibchenis Yosef Hatzdik! May Hashem bless you with all the brochos that He blessed Yosef for withstanding his challenge.

true_self wrote on 05 Jun 2023 14:24:

Great job, my experience was that that method wasn't foolproof and I ended up having to block it completely. 

Maybe take the leap now? 

Grant400 wrote on 05 Jun 2023 14:36:

@Grant400 - "I'll let True_Self speak for himself but maybe we should give him some breathing space. I had the same thing you had and i did recommend to  True_self in private to do so but he is going the best he can in his situation. 

true_self wrote on 05 Jun 2023 14:24:

You are strong and brave!, I can only imagine how hard - taking this step - was for you. This will help you become the person you really wanna be, Iy"h. 

Heeling wrote on 05 Jun 2023 14:39:

Thanks Grant for pushing, and thanks Heeling for understanding.
Right now I do not yet feel up to it, I'd rather give myself some time to see how it goes.
I also believe that for me it is foolproof (at least more) because my wife gets an email every time I request access, and it would be very embarrassing if she would see that I requested access for inappropriate stuff.
My wife also must have YouTube for her studies, and as of now we have only one laptop.
However I am aware that if it will be necessary than I'll need to do it (just as a few weeks ago I thought that this was not necessary, but I was proven wrong).

bright wrote on 05 Jun 2023 13:27:

I was writing to say that it isnt us it is something external, its not "me", but rather something on the outside. But it appears I misunderstood "chizuk that its just my Yetzer hora"

WOW! My friend, your zechus is very, very great! In the short time that you are here you have inspired us so much! Keep up the amazing work, keep trucking, and keep sharing!

bright wrote on 05 Jun 2023 13:27:

Did you know that the accuracy of a ten day weather report is about 50%, that means every other day the weatherman is wrong... How does he get up for work for work the next day and say with confidence the next ten day weather report? He tells himself "really i was right but there was an unexpected cold front or a sudden storm and this threw my calculations off, really im accurate". We all have that ability but our YH doesnt let us use it...  we should say "really I am able to fight this, but I had a minor setback, this is not me"
As for Hashem loving you, see Nesivos Shalom (1:2) where he says that part of Emunah is to believe that Hashem is always with is and loves us even by the 49 gates of impurity. Thats why it says "I am Hashem who took you out of egypt" to include together with the belief in Hashem, the belief he is there even when we are at the lowest point. 
You sound like you are doing amazing and have been a big chizuk to me personally, as i am sure for everyone else. Keep shteiging!

My dear friend True_self
You are a beautiful person. A person growing with refreshing honesty and a special heart.
I want to share a thought that might help.

One one hand: There is tremendous power in saying "That urge isn't ME - it's something external, it's not what the real me really wants."
This idea is found in Chazal when they call our urges the "Yetzer Hora".

But there is also tremendous power in saying "There's a part of ME that wants this stuff so bad. I know I can't trust myself ".
This idea is found in Chazal when they say "אל תאמין בעצמך עד יום מותך". That's the idea that Cordnoy may be referring to, and knowing it helps us reach out to Hakdosh Boruch for help in what we can't do on our own.
But the part that surrenders and reaches out for help isn't the part the wants the ugly. And actions are really what are ugly or beautiful, in the end. 

I know that it's  huge topic, and people here know much more than I do. But I think that there is no contradiction in these different ideas from Chazal [though in application they may lead to different approaches.]
Each of us has a lot of different parts, a whole zoo inside our heads and hearts. They are all "me" sometimes.
In finding my own "True-self" I needed to discover an ugly part of me that really did want to be a slobbering, grunting warthog, hiding behind a soft, respectable beard.  And I'm really scared of that part of me.
But I know that the part of me that is scared of it -  is a part of me that is deeper and higher -  and can ask Hashem for help וגואלו מיד חזק ממנו.  And that Chelek HaNeshoma is also smart enough to look for ways to keep the warthog part locked up in its cage, muzzled and sleeping. And maybe I'll get to the point where the keyhole will rust shut, one day, if Hashem is so good to me. 

My Tayereh holy friend - I'm proud of you for locking the YouTube door (mostly). I think that maybe, part if the Chizzuk is to know that there is a part of you that wants to fall. And the part of you that is depressed by the thought is the same part of you who locked the door and wants Chizzuk and needs help from Hashem . And will get it! כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם

I will end with a resounding Amen to your Brocho that we should all have the strength to do the right thing, even when sometimes we don't want to. 

true_self wrote on 05 Jun 2023 14:24:

MAZAL TOV!!

May we be zoche to share in future simchos together!

Keep going TS!! We love you!

Hi everyone.
B"H I'm very happy with my decision of blocking YouTube, It's literally a game changer, only now do I realize how exposed I actually was to so much schmutz, with only one click.
I've decided to celebrate this achievement when I reach 40 days (if I don't reopen access to it).

I also made myself a goal of reaching 40 days clean, I'll treat myself with something I want to buy for a long time already.
​To keep me motivated along the way I'll treat myself every 10 day milestone with something small.

I hope to only share good news, and I ask all my wonderful friends hear to please keep me motivated along the way, and thanks for all the insights and chizzuk till now.

Special thanks to Eerie, for the continues support 24/6 .
Thanks Chaimoigen for taking the time to write these beautiful insights.
I appologize if I forgot to mention somrone, I'm in a rush right now...

true_self wrote on 05 Jun 2023 14:24:

I wish I had more time to post here on the amazing threads, but I had to come here and give you a hearty mazel tov!

​Honestly, in my humble opinion, this is the only way. It's crystal clear to me, but so many seem to have a very hard time taking the plunge!

I mean, do you want to have a clear mind? Do you want to avoid inappropriate content from contaminating your eyes? Do you want to avoid the slippery slope? Then PULL THE CORD!!

​So many on this website KNOW that YouTube is their Achilles' Heel, but they hem and haw and are simply INCAPABLE of putting an end to it!

I'm not judging anyone (maybe I am??) but rather my point is that even though what you've done seems so simple and straight forward and a no-brainer, apparently, it's a very big step. Keep it up!!!

My friend, you have been an amazing inspiration from the day you started posting, and it's a pleasure knowing such a special person!