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TOPIC: i'm finally posting 5306 Views

Re: i'm finally posting 23 Jun 2023 02:09 #397966

eerie
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Horizon wrote on 21 Jun 2023 19:15:

hi everyone

today is day 6 bh.

i randomly felt a need to look up some things i shouldn't be looking up, obviously not xxx - it wasn't so bad that i was ready to jump right off, plus i currently only have a very filtered pc, so my only access is to borderline stuff so i'll be safe.

in the past, the battle in my mind would be (the all too familiar):
- im not actually falling
- technically its still a win
- i deserve to cut myself some slack
vs:
- you know a slip always becomes a fall
- you dont need this
- you'll be happier if you stay away.
today however i had a different thought process (as i was trying the second search): it'll be so much easier to control myself now, then in 10 minutes. and if i beat this, im strengthening myself for the future. im learning how to say no, and not give in on demand. so at that first point in the struggle, where its easiest to win, i can build myself for the future. its not just about how i'll feel right after, or about 'losing' my precious clean days. its the choice to utilize this opportunity to grow, or let it go wasted and worse.
forgive me if im writing dvarim pshutim:)

shout out to the friend who gave me some words of advice over chatt

p.s. i usually dont post during/right after a tough moment. i wonder what changed

Maybe you are just plain growing, my friend...make that you are most definitely growing, my friend! Your words speak of enormous internal growth. Keep it up, my holy friend, and keep sharing it with us!

Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com

Re: i'm finally posting 25 Jun 2023 22:05 #398046

horizon
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thanks for the warm words chevra.

today is bh day 10.

im feeling calm, and quite comfortable p&m wise.
on a different note im leaving for camp tomorrow, so i wont be around here much (no access), which should also mean i won't be around other sites i shouldn't be on (no access). in the past when i went away things went much better, so hoping it'll be like that again. come to think of it, i have a real opportunity here to come back w big numbers. im leaving at a good place, and going to easier circumstances so iy"h this will go well.
on another note, im kinda nervous about camp. im gonna be responsible for learning w a group of kids, and im not well enough prepared. also im feeling pressure from the other guys im going w who are really preparing well.

hope you all have a great summer:)

טאטע טאטע טאטע איך וויל זיין, יא איך וויל זיין, א ירא שמים

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Re: i'm finally posting 25 Jun 2023 23:12 #398051

chaimoigen
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Go with Hazlacha, with a Nesiyas Chein! Help the kids have a warm, Yiddishe summer, as you give them over your special, ehrlicher essence as a Ben Torah who will care about them. That's what matters, more than anything else.

Keep Shteiging, keep alert for the inevitable Nisyonos, you have what it takes to crush them, and come back full of refreshed Kochos, dreams, a realities!
A Gezunte Zummer, my friend. The Horizon beckons.

As Cords would say, Godspeed!
With Gutteh Malachim....

Please feel free to reach out anytime at chaim.oigen@gmail.com

Re: i'm finally posting 26 Jun 2023 00:47 #398056

eccentriccomposer Current streak: 299 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 222 Karma: 29	I think you'll do great, just let it flow! Hatzlacha!
	I am not active on the forums anymore so much, but I check my email daily, please reach out to me! Feel free to message me if you need anything, I'll try to respond as soon as I can. I hope I can help! Email: eccentriccomposer01@gmail.com Eccentric Trip to Freedom Daily Dose

Re: i'm finally posting 29 Oct 2023 19:49 #402954

horizon OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 205 Karma: 11	hey all, its been some time. today is day 4. since i've last posted i bh had some longer streches of clean days which i'm happy to share. recently however i had a couple shvache weeks. in other news i'm switching to a different yeshiva away from home where i'll be in a better environment and won't have access. so bh for that.
	טאטע טאטע טאטע איך וויל זיין, יא איך וויל זיין, א ירא שמים my forum

Re: i'm finally posting 29 Oct 2023 23:47 #402962

true_self Current streak: 42 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 528 Karma: 16	משנה מקום משנה מזל, wishing you much hatzlacha, and don't let the schevache weeks pull you down, fresh start!! Please keep us updated more often.
	My thread: From two identities to True self If you want to reachout to me to talk please email: wish2banonym@gmail.com

Re: i'm finally posting 04 Nov 2023 23:28 #403240

horizon OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 205 Karma: 11	a gut voch chevra! shabbos was day 10 bh. this week was a walk in the park. good things are coming. (kk i wont get too excited too soon, ODAAT) l'chaim!
	טאטע טאטע טאטע איך וויל זיין, יא איך וויל זיין, א ירא שמים my forum

Re: i'm finally posting 05 Nov 2023 03:53 #403248

chaimoigen Current streak: 555 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1346 Karma: 134	A gut voch, friend!! Keep it up. Keep strong, and stick around. Hazlacha in your new Yeshiva and in the Zman!
	Please feel free to reach out anytime at chaim.oigen@gmail.com

Re: i'm finally posting 12 Nov 2023 04:46 #403541

horizon
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a gut voch again!

its been another week, and i've grown a week. shabbos was day 17 and counting (although i try not to count).
i was thinking that being that i have some free time at the end of the day when i get bored, if i would have access to porn i don't think i would resist. not cuz i had any strong urges, rather cuz i'm used to being entertained by hand held devices, and that entertainment inevitably leads down a slippery slope. its a scary thought. (or maybe not so scary, it shows that i'm not doing so bad, its more like an open cookie jar syndrome. go figure)

hope you all have a bunch of hatzlacha!

טאטע טאטע טאטע איך וויל זיין, יא איך וויל זיין, א ירא שמים

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Re: i'm finally posting 12 Nov 2023 12:26 #403542

Hashem Help Me
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horizon wrote on 12 Nov 2023 04:46:

That's why limiting access is so key. Situations like what you describe - open cookie jar - are tremendously difficult nisyonos. Most of us would not drive to a Walmart to buy a phone, but with easy access in the privacy of our homes/offices....

Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: i'm finally posting 12 Nov 2023 13:28 #403544

bright
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 12 Nov 2023 12:26:

horizon wrote on 12 Nov 2023 04:46:

Definitely!

Nothing good grows in the dark.

Re: i'm finally posting 08 Dec 2023 02:27 #404722

horizon
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שלום עליכם רבותי!

im writing this post with mixed feelings; on the one hand i should be yelling out loud the brocho we said tonight ברוך שהחיינו וקיימנו והגיענו, i reached a milestone i haven't reached in a couple of years. since i've joined this community about two years ago, my biggest streak was 22 days. in the last couple weeks bh i've done 22 days without p&m, plus another 20 days without porn. its a gevaldige accomplishment which im not taking lightly. a huge 42 days.

having said that, the last week or two was very tough for me, i've masturbated a couple times. and then today i porned.
that's the מעשה.

hope everyone has a lichtigen freilichen chanuka!!

טאטע טאטע טאטע איך וויל זיין, יא איך וויל זיין, א ירא שמים

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Re: i'm finally posting 10 Dec 2023 22:16 #404778

true_self Current streak: 42 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 528 Karma: 16	!זבחי אלהים רוח נשברה לב נשבר ונדכה אלהים לא תבזה We fall, we get back up.... Congrats on the 42 days! Did the מעשה end??
	My thread: From two identities to True self If you want to reachout to me to talk please email: wish2banonym@gmail.com

Re: i'm finally posting 13 Dec 2023 02:26 #404897

horizon OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 205 Karma: 11	thanks TS, you share a great perspective! the מעשה is not at all over. although i still have the one day at a time approach.
	טאטע טאטע טאטע איך וויל זיין, יא איך וויל זיין, א ירא שמים my forum

Re: i'm finally posting 13 Dec 2023 05:58 #404908

hechochma
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Seconding the Mazel TOV 42 days!!!
That's an amazing accomplishment!!!

As they say around here - 42 eternally holy and pure days that no one can ever take away from you!

Let us know how the getting up goes - it seems an awful pain when you're laying on your back but once you're upright things start to look up again!

Also, any ideas for the new one-day-at-a-time this time? Maybe something that would help you reach out when the slips start before the big fall hits?

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והנה הכתוב אומר: הן יראת ה' היא חכמה... הרי שהיראה היא חכמה והיא לבדה חכמה... כי עיון גדול צריך על כל הדברים האלה לדעת אותם באמת ולא על צד הדמיון והסברה הכוזבת, כל שכן לקנות אותם ולהשיגם