BH for a successful week!!!!
How about continuing the deal with that guy for another week?

Keep strong,

Horizon wrote on 19 May 2023 16:29:

Regarding the dream, it's very common. Many people have posted about this, and I've experienced it regarding this and other addictions.

The deal helped you stay clean but did it change you, your mindset or you natural response to triggers in any way?

I would recommend getting a strong clarity on why you want to be clean. Weigh the pros and cons. Make a strong decision, learn strategies, learn yourself, make changes and stay connected. 

Sounds easy right? 

hey grant, thanks for responding to my post!
first off i want you to know that i really like your posts, especially grants rants. thank you for always inspiring.

interesting that the dream thing is a thing, i guess it makes sense.
i'm sorry to hear you've struggled with multiple addictions, i hope things are doing well by you and should only get better.

you point out that the deal was an external, temporary thing, and inner work has to be done. from reading some of your posts it seems as if this is your motto. svara says that you're right. im gonna go through your points and try to answer them one by one. (not that im answering to you, more that im clarifying things for myself. oh, and i wouldn't mind your insight)

- getting clarity on why i want to be clean:
number one reason, is to get married. i very much want to get married and have a good strong healthy honest relationship w my wife. hiding stuff, and doing things that a future wife disapproves of dont really work w that goal. (also i've come to understand from reading the forums and from talking to HHM that porn ruins a healthy sex life. עד כאן מאמר המוסגר)
number two i find that watching porn distances and alienates me from others. which is something i don't want.
number three i find that it distances and alienates me from avoidas hashem. which again i don't like.
number four (cuz of the above reasons?) i feel uchhh after watching/acting out.

- learn strategeis:
i should probably give the F2F another try. i briefly tried it like 8 months ago (before i tried the forums) but never followed up.
but on a simple level, i've learned that exercising does magic. also, doing small things to take care of myself, stay organized and be on top of things can help.

- learn yourself:
i'm bh working w an amazing therapist to get this taken care of. over the last couple months i've grown tremendously, and became much more comfortable w myself.

- make changes:
?
i mean i got rid of my phone if thats what you mean. wasnt easy.

- stay connected:
this is why im here.

k i wrote this up late at night. this should be a good post for me to come back and reflect on. thank you!

day 12 bh

the guy i had a deal w for last week reached out to renew. i'm confident that we'll tackle this one.

Horizon wrote on 23 May 2023 02:19:

But...still work on F2F...ok?

Horizon wrote on 22 May 2023 07:25:

Hey, it sounds like you really thought this through. I can see you're really motivated to make this a lasting, permanent change. Keep listening to Grant and you'll be alright. And keep posting. You got this and we're all behind you. 

Ah, the power of the brotherhood!

hi guys, disappointing update.

i finished shavuos w a nice 16 day streak, and shavuos itself was very nice bh.
motze shavuos however. thats when it happened. a slip and then a fall. it happened so randomly out of the blue. i dont know what to say.
i felt really disgusting yesterday, and im slowly pulling myself out of this. oh well.

My dear friend, remember that every moment that you held strong is still there, it's still yours, all those shining moments, and you will get past all this beH! Slowly, yes. But surely:) my friend, we are here for you, we admire your tenacity, don't ever give up, just keep trucking!

I honestly can't say that I would have the courage to post following a fall. I don't know how you do it. To me, this shows that you're still in the fight, that no matter what, you want to get back up again.
This is so encouraging to me. One challenge that I've been dealing with since I joined GYE is the fear/anxiety of how long will it last? Will I be able to keep my streak going or will I fall at some point? I know that it's almost inevitable for there to be some point where I'm not going to be as strong as I feel now. But when I read about people like you who have fallen, and yet are still here and still posting, it makes me more secure. It's almost like a Pas B'salo of sorts in the sense that I don't have to fear that moment. If and when it comes, I'll still be here and I'll still be okay. 

Oy Horizon I'm so sorry for you 

I'm here with you

Shavuos was hard for me and for a lot of the oilam on GYE that I've spoken to as well.

Lets keep going brother

thanks guys

day 4 bh

ODAAT

YESSS!! Keep going! We're right here along with you. 
But I'm just curious: What is ODAAT?

One
Day
At
A
Time