m111 wrote on 27 Mar 2023 14:26:

Yes, in the end I was fine.
Thank you to my friend who reached out to me.

m111 wrote on 27 Mar 2023 14:26:

Just had a conversation with HHM about this. Was going crazy myself yesterday. He told me that over time we retrain ourselves how to react to situations. Overcome today and it will give you greater strength for tomorrow. And these urges are typically stress reactions - they will change as we change how we deal with external pressure. 

hatzlacha

m111 wrote on 27 Mar 2023 14:26:

Many of us here can relate to your post.  Let's face it - For many years we trained ourselves to pacify all uncomfortable emotions with this garbage. It takes time to rewire our brains and retrain our subconscious mind. So, the reality is that when one is stressed, his default setting is to - without even thinking - start having a mini erection, remember a stimulating image, start palpitating, etc. Do not beat yourself up for this. Just accept it and give it time. Slowly, b'ezras Hashem you will train your mind that there are other ways to regulate emotions and the default setting will be adjusted. And if for the rest of your healthy life you once in a while get those sensations, or an image swirls in your head for a few moments, laugh it off and move on.

Most people have significant power to determine and work on their development. We can change who we are and what we do by what we see, hear, say, and do. It is important to choose the activities for our brains to be well trained…We make choices that change our brains and ultimately change who we are.”

While p* has a tremendous impact on the brain, the brain has an incredible capacity to change and adapt. Even if our neural pathways are “deep canyons,” it’s never too late to start the process of rewiring.

m111 wrote on 28 Mar 2023 10:58:

What I'd like to highlight here is the beauty of GYE. It gave us all the ability to find friends that be there when we are in a pinch, and they can reach out and help us stand strong, or if we fall they can help us stand back up. Personally, when I went through a tough few days a few weeks ago, a few caring friends reached out, and they made all the difference in the world. Takeaway: You don't have to be Einstein to help a guy, you just have to care about him. Like Markz likes to say, the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection. We can all be that connection. Keep trucking, M111!

Eerie wrote on 29 Mar 2023 23:29:

Amazing 1000001% agree! I couldn’t have said it better myself!!! 

DavidT wrote on 29 Mar 2023 16:53:

The concept of rewiring gives a lot of chizuk, to know that the challenge may get easier over time.

Sometimes we can feel on a high for a while, and then realize that we are holding by nothing.
And still pull through.
Yes its been good. And though.
It happened on Chol Hamoed, for the first time since I started Flight to Freedom, I was going to sleep and it entered my ming and feeling to start fantasizing.
Now, will the FTF work? This was my doubt when I started it, can these techniques really work in the face of what seems an impossible to control taava? When the feelings and urge to act out numbs the rational thinking, and I just would do it?
Can I manage the unmanageable?
Don't worry, there is a good ending.
My FTF withstood it's first real life emergency landing.
In the end I had to use every technique that I had written on my worksheet and some more (took a shower, listened to music, composed something in my mind, read a book, surfed the urge, ate chocolate cake,) but it worked, I relaxed and fell asleep without fantasizing.
Now after Yom Tov the urges are getting different (a bit of SSA, more to fantasizing) which is harder to control.

My emotions scream, why did Hashem put us on this flight?!
(Please don't answer logic, which I know already, give me your heart's answer).

Because Hashem loves us! If we do not have challenges, we are done here.

m111 wrote on 16 Apr 2023 10:52:

My heart does NOT have an answer. But my heart says that if we feel loved, if we focus on the happiness of being Hashem's beloved, if we connect to each other with love and caring, the questions will fall away.
Keep k'nocking! That was amazing! I know it was so hard, and the difficulties are not over, and thank you for sharing!

m111 wrote on 16 Apr 2023 10:52:

Ok no logic. Got it.

In short: Who cares? Right now, in order for me to live a happy, successful and productive life, I cannot give in. The end.

It's so tantalizing, yes. The rush is magnificent. But those are short term. It's the post pleasure life that I'll have to endure for alot longer. 

I'm fighting for me. For my life. For my tomorrow. For my future. 

End of story.

m111 wrote on 16 Apr 2023 10:52:

My heart tells me that you are facing the challenges that will help you reach your greatest potential

 imagine the lifetime growth of someone who is BT and has a pull to lust & SSA. Maybe sprinkle it with some ADHD and anger management or anxiety challenges and perhaps some low self esteem as well. 

compare the lifetime of fighting and growth with someone who is FFB and complacent with their level in serving Hashem. 

Who do you think will accomplish more?

Eerie wrote on 16 Apr 2023 16:27:

What does “k’nocking” mean?

It's the Yiddish way of saying 'Keep trucking' And you should also Keep Trucking!

Hi chevrah,
Checking in with what's going on with me.
Had a setback last week, fell to an urge to look for a loophole and found one.
I think I shifted in my mind to trust the filter and that weakened my guard.
Then had an urge not to tell my friend (from here) fell for that for a few hours but then took the plunge.
I realized that in order to get out of this, I have to not be embarrassed, and just show up even with muddy torn clothing (metaphor).
I am who I am, be fine about being seen dirty, and through that get clean.
Also spoke to HHM, and for technical reasons had to tell my wife that I saw something dirty. (not my whole history, but just this)
That was a close call, it could have easily gone the wrong way, but it baruch Hashem went well.
Now, realizing how crucial it is (from HHM, and also my from wife while she also pushed me to do something),
I took a major step to cut off all access to the place I had the setback.