Absolutely find a rabbi you can ask… there are many reasons to be lenient…

Yeshar wrote on 18 Apr 2022 21:29:

I spoke to one of the rabbanim  I am close to over pesach.  Gave him the the short version of my struggles without too many details.   (But enough for him to know that this is a big deal). 

when I asked him afterwards that I use music as a way to keep my mind occupied and can I listen through headphones during sefira he answered right away that I am allowed.   

I can provide the Rav’s name privately if someone needs to know.  

Vehkam wrote on 24 Apr 2022 21:58:

Thanks so much Vekham!

30 days! It's not my first time making it this far, but that doesn't mean it isn't an accomplishment haha. I really have to thank Hashem for not giving me strong urges, the only real issue I had was not looking when I had an opportunity to see something, whether outside or on the computer, etc. I definitely don't think I'd have made it had I made this forum post, and would therefore like to thank all you who chatted with me via the forum, GYE private message and chat, and even over the phone. It has absolutely been instrumental in rewiring my brain and the way I think about women and sex in general - and once that's fixed, there really isn't so much a desire to go back to where you were. There's still a lot more to work on tho...

​Here's to another 30+ days!

39 days, the relative lack of urges I had in my first 30 days or so has passed, and it's definitely more difficult now. This is especially due to the more revealing clothes that women are wearing now since the weather is nice. I work very hard not to look, and I think if im successful with shmiras eynayim, I will not regress. I just need to get over this huddle with the urges. 

I just had to listen to music to get over them yesterday. I woke up with this crazy desire, so I had to go for a walk and listened to music for like 2 and a half hours. The whole time I made sure that if I saw someone dressed immodestly, I'd immediately look away, or if it was unavoidable, I'd cross the street or something. When I got home I felt much better, and did not have any thoughts. Will probably do the same thing today and for the next several days.

This is amazing stuff thank you so much for sharing and wishing you continued success

Yeshar wrote on 17 May 2022 21:32:

I’ve found that around the 30 and 60 day mark got harder for me. So I assumed it’s my body acting up every 30 days. But then the 90 day mark came and went… maybe the 30 days is not the same for you, but it seems there is an ebb and flow, and eventually it can get easier.
being busy with good and productive things helps!

Yeshar wrote on 17 May 2022 21:32:

It could be the amount of days in your streak, but I find that more often, it's specific circumstances that make the struggle more difficult. For example, feeling rejected is a major trigger for most people and it has nothing to do with how many days you are clean.

You can try tracking when you feel these untense urges in a log and try to look for patterns. You can ask, what happened before, or what thoughts were going through your mind when you had the urge (I feel like a loser, I feel like giving up, it's not worth it, I feel so alone, so and so doesn't like me, etc.).

wilnevergiveup wrote on 18 May 2022 04:02:

Yes, you make a good point. It's finals week, and I've been really unmotivated to study, just because I feel like I can "wing it." This lack of drive, is probably having a bigger effect on me than I realize, and it may also be related to my desire to lose some weight. I'm not obese, but on the husky side, and would feel more confident if I were slimmer and stronger, and I find it difficult to diet because I'm always eating with friends or a holiday comes up or Shabbat (3 or 4 BIG meals in a span of 26 hours... that's tough), but I think it's something that I'm just gonna have to put my foot down, and start taking seriously.

Wow, nice to get all those thoughts out - I'll definitely be able to concentrate my actions on these goals now. Thanks so much.

Crazy thing, I just gotta share right before I take my economics final... I was at Target with a friend of mine, and many women there were dressed very very provocatively... I held my ground but felt the desire growing. As we were about to pay, I don't know what it was - I didn't exactly want to look, but at the same time felt like I wouldn't stop if something happened to be in my peripheral vision, when all of a sudden I see a sign by the cashier aisle that says "YETZER HARA"....

My heart almost skips a bit. I shake my head and look again, "ENTER HERE"...

I don't know what it was about it, but all of a sudden I had a burst of strength, and held my ground all the way home, not looking at any immodesty.

Thanks for sharing.  I love those moments.  You’re on to Something!

Today is day (or at this point night) 89 of my road to 90 days!
It's been a while since I've posted on the forum, but I have kept in contact with my accountability partner (who has helped me and saved me numerous times) and read other forum posts as well as the daily chizuk, and BH am staying strong.
I am not going to lie, there have been times where did I not guard my eyes, and even looked at immorality online or outside (day 60-75 were especially challenging), and the urge and desires still creep up on me every now and then - but I am at a much better place then where I started for sure!
I'm not going to count it as breaking the streak, since while guarding your eyes is of course important and the end goal, my focus was and is on stopping the physical act. When I hit 90 days tmrw, I will continue with this streak but will also begin a "new streak +" which will focus on controlling immodest thoughts and guarding eyes. I think that will be more beneficial to me.
Will hopefully post again tmrw when I successfully complete 90 days .

And that's 90 days!
My initial goal is complete.
Shabbat Shalom everyone!
Here's to another 90 

Mazel Tov!

Can you share of the things that helped you make it through till now?

Sure,

Very important to plan ahead
"Okay today I felt an urge creeping up, and I know that tomorrow won't be so easy, so before anything happens I'm gonna call my accountability partner and let him know"
Always have in mind what you're going to do before something happens.
Also have something that you can treat yourself with that special to when you beat an urge, or reach a milestone.
By far the most important thing in my opinion is having someone to talk to, and also not allowing your yetzer to grow.
You know for sure that watch schmutz is gonna lead to the same outcome, so why bother? Even if it hurts you deeply not to, it's gonna hurt you more if you do; and the desire does decrease overtime. I'm single and young, I assumed it would be impossible, but I know now that that is far from the truth. Even when I am in my college environment where many women are dressed provocatively, I know better than to stare and fantasize - it will only make things more difficult for an amount of pleasure that is not worth it.
and even if you fall, you can always get back up. That's why even after I did break down and turn schmutz on, I remembered that this was not the end of the world, I don't have to go through with it, and can stop watching and call my accountability partner.
Had I not taken these steps, I would likely not have reached 90 days.
Also important to remember that you're human and male. That these desires are totally normal and you are not evil for having them; just need to channel them into the right place.