Hey Everyone,
A little bit about me first is good, I come from a traditional fam, and became religious last year due to an organization in my neighborhood. Im 19 y/o, and have been basically struggling with this since middle school. It really wears me down, and makes me feel weak and like a hypocrite and right now I'm at kind of a low point, and can use some words of encouragement.
I've been able to stop before for days, weeks, months, but the YH is always there to test me whether I've really changed for good.
My goal is always to never do it again, but thats very difficult to attain, so im shooting for 90 days, ofc after that id like to for another 90, so on and so forth. 
May Hashem help me in this fight, and I really hope that I write here every day and can make it out strong. 
I know that this is the test of our generation, so while incredibly sad to say, its comforting that I'm not alone in the battle.
I wish to all of you that you never again succumb to the temptation, because we all know how debilitating it is - physically and mentally and especially spiritually.

Hi Yeshar, 

Welcome to the forum, it's clear through your words that you are a very sweet and caring person. Here are two related and hopefully helpful ideas. It's taught that, specifically in the area where we struggle the most, we have the largest potential for success. If you are feeling low and experiencing great difficulty, keep in mind that this is an indicator that you have the ability to truly excel in this area. Success is possible! As a related idea, when we think about gedolim like the Chofetz Chaim for instance, we only talk about them as the gedolim we know them to be. We don't really internalize that they too went through great struggles. We don't think about the possibility that the Chofetz Chaim might have experienced great struggles with lashon hara before he became the Chofetz Chaim, but this is what the first idea is telling us. That the area of greatest struggle is where we have the great potential for success. Difficulty and failure do not preclude greatness, they are necessary ingredients to attain it. Wishing you much success and looking forward to hearing more about you and your journey. 

Shortly after my post, I started to feel like a little sick. Not like stomach sick, but cold-sick, and I don't believe in coincidences. I know from learning that whenever the body is sick, it's like a healing for the soul, and so I accepted it completely as such. As I'm writing this my nose is red and runny, and my eyes are watery. In any case, I've been good on Shabbat, and so far today as well, and let's hope it stays that way!
However, one thing I have been struggling with is dreams. It's probably because of how much mind is filled with this stuff, so since I was in bed for quite a while this Shabbat, I was going back and forth from normal dream to not-good. Thankfully at night-time, because of Kriat Shema al Mita I don't have this issue (although I've noticed in the past that if I go back to sleep after waking up, then these not-good dreams will happen).

Refuah shelaima! Just fyi this is very common in the beginning. Iyh it will slow down and stop. I had a few very intense dreams when I first started this journey and I have heard the same from others.

Welcome! It should be with hatzlocha. Ignore the dreams - subconscious at work, and iyh it gets better...

I have the same thing. For years and is still there (not consistently but im much more likely to see keri if I go to sleep after waking up - even just happened to me yesterday I woke up at 7 and went back to sleep and woke up at 730 with keri. Pays much more to just  get up the first time

Welcome!

For me personally the dreams have gone away for the most part and I do still struggle with watching p when the opportunity arises. What I also still struggle with sometimes is fantasizing while in half-asleep state right before I fall asleep and usually that led to the inappropriate dreams but that's stopped. Anyway, I don't think it's best to dwell on the dreams so much because that's a little out of your control, as has already been said. Just keep fighting and with the great tools here, and you'll see much success.

Another day, and still doing well. I'm very grateful to Hashem that I have not had a serious urge. 
The other day a fellow GYE member and I were talking, and during our conversation, I had asked if having an inappropriate thought for a second or even a few seconds could be considered a sin. He responded, "Let's not think about whether or not its a sin."
I've been "meditating" on this thought for a while now and I truly think that this outlook he shared with me will help all of us. 
What I'm gonna write now is well known by all of us, but it's always good to review the key points.
Hashem didn't make us as perfect beings! We are not angels! We are going to sin in our lives. This is not a bad thing, because the sin is what gives us merit! Overcoming our challenges is what brings us closer to Hashem, and that is what the Mesilat Yesharim says is what our ultimate goal is, being close to Hashem. 
We're gonna have thoughts, and urges and desires. It is totally normal and ok to have these. What we need to be able to do, is to not take the easy way out, and instead direct our increased sense of want into something that will be a benefit to us, not a detriment. 
It's time to say no! NO to the crocodile tears that we have after we slip up. NO to the hours of wasted time scrolling and searching. This will not only not help us now, but it will never help us. 
Instead, lets say YES to fighting any challenge that comes our way head on! YES to calling someone whenever we feel that we just can't take it. YES to directing our energy to something that is a benefit, and it doesn't have to necessarily be studying Torah. 

I know that a big problem is that once we start in one of our past behaviors, we find it hard to stop, but that is the ultimate test, and to say NO and STOP is what we need to be able to do. 

​The final thought I wanna share is that Hashem, in his infinite wisdom, will only give us a challenge he knows we can overcome. With this in mind, there is no reason why we can't fight every urge, no matter how we may feel, because He knows, if we're feeling it, we can fight it.

you would benefit tremendously from reading the battle of the generation.

Still doing well, yesterday was pretty uneventful so I didn't post anything. Today was good too, although at certain points some improper images would appear on my computer or phone, and I had to be quick to click off of them. Nothing X rated, but like general immodesty. I'm really happy with myself that I'm not lingering anymore when I see something I shouldn't, and right away just scroll or exit. It's a big step up from where I was before. Also when I'm praying, I started literally shaking my head if something popped in that shouldn't. I think if I continue like this I'll be good for time immemorial iyh! I will say though, that the lack of any serious urges is a blessing - will see how long this lasts for, and I can probably attribute it to being sick, although I'm feeling much better now; almost back to normal. If I count today (even though there's still a few hours to go), my streak is at 5 clean days. 

Nice to hear. Capitalize on the downtime to strengthen yourself with resolve for the future. Being proactive for a few minutes a day can be a huge difference in preparing yourself.

Sounds like a plan! Any particular activities you find that help? I'd love to hear any recommendations. 

Yeshar wrote on 11 Apr 2022 15:11:

i think viewing “improper thoughts” as a sin is just a trap that can lead to unhealthy guilt.
instead, it’s more like being hungry. Any healthy human being with a sex drive will have “improper thoughts”. When you are hungry, its not a sin. Eating pork would be the sin. Engaging with the natural human tendencies in an improper way would be a sin.
There is a “kosher” way to interact with this human function. Having a thought is like feeling hungry. Indulging in a fantasy (in your head)/looking at arousing imagery/illicit relations/etc would be improper.
(ik this analogy doesn’t go too far - we need food to survive, unlike sex, but the main point is still there)

just my take

Yeshar wrote on 13 Apr 2022 22:57:

Did you look into the book I mentioned?  Reading a bit every day is very helpful.  

Day 10! Hope you all had nice seders and yom tov and are doing well. I'm still feeling good, however now that Sefirat Ha'omer has begun and we can no longer listen to recorded music, I'm a little upset - as I'm a very musical person. My Rabbi says that I can still practice my instruments which is great though. At the same token, I'm very optimistic since listening to music is how I spend a lot of my day. I figure with the "extra time," I'll be able to get a lot done, learning-wise (cleaning without music is gonna stink).  

The real reason tho why this gives me some feeling of apprehension is because listening to music is what I would usually do to get my mind off an urge in the past. I'm curious if I'd be allowed to listen in such a case during the omer, but don't wanna ask my Rabbi, even though I've opened up to him about my struggle with this in the past. Anyone know?