I still have a really hard time internalizing that. Its even scary to me. !

Human being wrote on 10 Jan 2022 16:08:

3 years ago I was doing 7-8 times a day. Today B"H I haven't masturbated in close to a year and a half

@Human being Amazing first post! I want to affirm your decision to seek therapy. I have done a lot of self-work both in and out of therapy in the past four years or so. There is no doubt in my mind that the work that I did helped me in this struggle.

I've been in therapy for a few years. Yes, it does wonders. ( With the right therapist and a ton of davening/siyata dishmaya of course.)

Thank you guys all for the chizuk. slowly but surely I am and will begin believing ill be ok and I could, stop masturbating.

HI I also have the same feeling that I cant believe it that people don't masturbate.
I have anxiety and ocd so i use masturbation and the internet as a way numb and to distract from the pain.
I am going to try to not fall for the short term pain relief but rather go for the long term solution.
Anyone else going or went through similiar to me?

wow you give me chizzuk bro. you are doing amazing!!! keep it up!!!

How? What’s your trick? I have a hard time with masturbation (approximately 3 times a week)

The biggest thing that has helped me so far has been telling myself over and over,

"I used to be a masturbater that occasionally would hold myself back. But now i"m NOT a masturbater, that might occasionally mess up."  

Why does this help me you ask? Because i found that with phone sex/masturbation/porn the main reason i always fell was because i told myself "im going to fall eather way, its part of me, im a masturbater/i watch porn/i call phone sex lines, unfortunately" 

And that caused me to give up the fight, because i "knew" (self fullfilling prophecy) that i would end up giving up eather way.

Now that i tell myself "im not a masturbater, i just may fall sometimes" the thought of "give in now because im anyways going to end up doing it" doesnt sit in my brain every time i have a struggle.


Try it, it may work for you as well. Tell yourself (when no-one is listening :-) ) "Im not a masturbater anymore". over and over and over. Then start proving yourself right.

P.S- you can fill in whatever phrase you want ("Im not a porn watcher anymore. its not me. I might mess up, -but its not who i am".

What a great post! I can join you on that. The self-fulfilling prophecy piece. As if it was inevitable that I was going to look at pornography and masturbate. It was never inevitable and all I had to do was believe that for myself.

Keep up the great work, @Human being.

So as you guys can see on my thread on the "On the way to 90 days forum" ( My thread is called A human beings journey) I'm baruch Hashem proving to myself that not masturbating is possible. I'm at 2 and half weeks without masturbation or calling sex lines. Its amazing progress and I will get to 90 days Bh.

What I find disconcerting, is that I have this taiva to be curios in a sexual way -sexual exploration- which can get me anywhere anytime. It frustrates me greatly. 

-When I feel low or depressed I search anywhere for sexually enticing material even if its just scientific facts, other peoples stories or even dare I be so vulnerable- searching through forums right here on gye to try to curiously explore in a sexual way. Besides being wrong it feels sick to me to be searching in such places (literally anywhere and everywhere) in a curious sexual way.

I'm not sick bh I am healthy. But I just want to put it out here in public so i cant run away from the fact that i know its coming from the same place inside of me that wants to watch porn and call sex lines. even though its not on the same level, its still the same taiva and if I don't stop browsing around trying to find "lower level" sexual material it will keep my mind from learning to find a different place to escape to when i feel down or low. 

Anybody have any experience with sexual curiosity and other "lower level" sexual stimulation? Any chizuk or advice is great! Thanks, Love you guys!

I can definitely identify with what you are saying.  In a nutshell I would say that the best defense is a good offense.  Plan ahead for what you will do when you have those low moments or subtle urges.  The second you realize that the moments or urges are there - activate your plan.  Then take a moment to recognize the greatness of what you just did.  

I totally relate to that. When I'm in that kind of mood I beging to sexulaize everything in my mind. I can search for a word that has connotations for me or even mis-use this website. I'd have to agree that the only solution is to look for other interests and to try new ideas and thoughts. (e.g. learning a particular topic or hobby.) Hatzlocha.

Human being wrote on 13 Jan 2022 07:53:

hey if you've ever read Alan Carr's book on quitting smoking, this is a huge part of his method.

I'm happy i was "machaven" Thanks for letting me know, hope it can help others too! Day 18 and starting to believe in myself not needing to masturbate!

Human being wrote on 20 Jan 2022 10:14:

keep it up buddy your amazing!
remember, there's masturbation and then there's the relief from it! we dont need to masturbate! we need often a relief! so go get a kosher one! and stop the brain from connecting that relief automatically has to be masturbation! we can find a kosher pacifier!