Aaron1 wrote on 12 Jan 2021 04:22:
The Bad- My Taphsic shvua of several months recently expired and I'm not motivated enough to restart it. There's also a voice inside telling me I need to practice for my wedding night. For both these reasons, I've let myself have several falls without a fight; I feel too comfortable with where I am.
First of all,
mazal tov on your upcoming wedding!
The bad is indeed pretty bad.
Let me ask you, what is it that you are afraid of?
As far as practicing for your wedding night, I don't know if you have access to the "
Balei Battim's forum" but if you don't I would suggest you request access and take a look at the tread called
Pnimius Hazivvug.
I don't want to spoil it for you and neither is this the place for it but please for your own sake make sure that whoever you plan on getting your chosson shmeuz by knows about your history.
Most people I know thought before they got married that the more they "know" the shorter the shmues needs to be. The reality is the opposite, the more you know, the longer it needs to be. You first have to get a cleaning, then a root canal, sometimes even a full extraction and an implant. It gets real messy and definitely is not pain free.
So I beg of you, please get this work done before you get married because once your married, it has to be done without anesthetic.
Oh and in case you haven't figured it out yet, you can't practice for wedding night, surely not by building strong fortified walls between you and your wonderful kallah.
You must make your marriage about her, and your conduct in this area must also be about her. Practicing before your wedding is probably one of the most selfish acts that can be done. "practicing" is focusing on yourself and forgetting about her. If you want to focus on her, try to imagine her face if she was in the room when you are practicing, yeah that's right, she would probably vomit, then burst out crying and never speak to you again.
Yup.
You should practice for your wedding night, and that is by practicing sacrificing yourself for your kallah. Maybe even renew your Taphsik or whatever specifically to practice for wedding night, that would be much more appropriate.
I hope I am not being too harsh, it's just real important to get this straight and people like myself and many others get this all messed up.
The best thing you can do right now is whatever it takes to get back on the highway, now more than ever. You will bless yourself after your wedding that you took care of this now.
Hatzlacha and may you be zoche to build a home that is
kaddosh and
tahor.
All the best,
Wilnevergiveup